My Mom passed away in June. I feel like I've lost a child. Is this normal?

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I cared for her after her Alzheimer's diagnosis.

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Dear mlc888: First let me tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I lost my mom four years ago in August. Sometimes it feels like yesterday. I still have a hard time when I go to her favorite store (I would take her for her weekly supplies every Tuesday). Before she got real sick, I took her to her doctor's appointments.Sometimes I hear a song or see a T.V. show and it reminds me of her. I took care of her for many years before I had to admit her to a nursing facility in order to get her the care she needed 24/7. She had dementia and couldn't walk anymore. It was very difficult, but the people there were fantastic, and I was blessed by the staff as well as visiting with some of the other residents. I was by her side when she left this world and her suffering ended. I try not to remember her at the end of life, but rather all the other good times we had. It takes time to grieve, so let yourself heal, recharge. It gets easier over time to remember the good times.
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I am sorry for your loss. I can tell from how you explain the loss of your mother that you are in deep pain. I might suggest grief counseling. Having support of someone to walk along side you in your pain will make you journey through grief more tolerable. It sounds like you were very close to your mom and she would want you to have the support of a grief counselor. Prayers for you.
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Oh my ~ i am so very sorry for your loss. There is no benchmark for "normal." Your pain is your pain, and your grief and recovery will be just as unique. i find myself still "hiding from Time." It's so hard to start the day - harder yet if you're alone or have no social network.

If you feel you need to speak with counselors, support groups or clergy, please do so. It's said that we 'remember moments, not the years." Oh how true.

i find it's hard to stop buyng Mom's favorite foods at the grocery store, and i still find myself doing similar thngs on 'autopilot." Even buying her flowers, or clothing -- and i get home and realize once again she's not here.

You will find a balance. Give yourself the time and tools for healing. There isn't a timeline for 'normal' - i believe it's different for each person. Blessings to you ~ namaste.
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Wow. I happened across this site from an email. What a blessing. My mother went to be with the Lord in August and I was her primary caregiver. She lived with me for 7 years. She had COPD/CHF. She was a trooper. I was always encouraging her to do more, and she would push back and say I'm asking her to do too much. We always had that kind of relationship. My pushing her was my way of encouraging her to keep going. In January of this year she went in the hospital with COPD exacerbation and I believe the breathing treatment was too strong. She began to have atrial fibrillation. She made it through only to return again. When she got out the 2nd time she went to nursing rehab. I quit job and cared for her. I prayed with her and she was determined to get well and she did. She came home end of May. In Aug she got a touch of pneumonia and returned to hospital. I didn't want them to keep her but they insisted. They started the breathing treatments and she went into respiratory distress. She called me and told me she was too tired and wanted to go on home. The next morning she passed. Talk about loneliness. My brother leaves 1000 miles away. He came and he was close to my mother in his own way, but I think being there and going through it all with her left me with a feeling of emptiness. Now I am trying to figure out how to fill it. No mother, no job, no family of my own. I know GOD is able and I press on. Finding this sight was good as I realize there are others who truly UNDERSTAND.
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I know I will. I don't have a child. I'm my mom's only child, my dad was class A a-hole who walked away when I was 3 because she was supposed to take his philandering because she was Hispanic and well most Hispanic women do but my mom has/d a feminist streak and she's still very independent which becomes an issue in the home. She hates that these people have to take her to the bathroom, bathe and clothe her.

I feel like I am slowly watching her die right now. The woman that raised me is more or less dead. She's never going to make her special enchiladas anymore, She will never tuck me in again. She will never help me make decisions and I need her for that now.

I never wanted to raise children. I didn't even play with baby dolls as a child. I feel like I have one now. A toddler or a pre-schooler. Her 100 days of medicare are up and actually I'm going to post that separately as I need opinions. But lets just say I feel like my mom is dying now and I hate it. She's so vulnerable now, it's just horrid, yet the last thing I want is for her to die. That will be the worst day of my life, I'm single partly because I was my mom's caregiver for most of my 30s and half my 40s but also because I have social anxiety and gained weight so men would leave me alone. I guess I should start dating now but the idea is just so horrible to me. And I can't imagine I could love a man as much as I love my mom. It was always us against the world, now its just me. I'm so sorry for your loss.
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Death my friend is an inevitable chapter in our lives. Death is one of the things that are not changing and will always remain true in life. Though this reality does not affect the fact that dealing about a lost love one in your life is really a very hard and painful thing to do.
Hopefully these tips could help you be in a better situation than what you are in right now.
1. Understand that the emotions that you have right now are all normal.
It is ok to feel cheated, left alone and sad. These are just natural reactions to the pain that you are experiencing right now. Never feel guilty about the things that you are feeling right now. Cry if you need to, stay away from people if you must. If all of these things sums up to you being able to pick up the pieces once again, then entertain these emotions in your life. Mourn as long as you can, but never forget that you are still alive and have to live a life of your own, even without that one person that you care about the most.
2. Think about the positive
Look on the brighter side of things, no matter how dark your feeling is right now, there is still a glimpse of positive thing you can look at. Your love one is now finally free from all the hurting feelings both physically and emotionally. This may sound like a cliché but the truth is, they are really in a better place right now. Keep the great memories that you had with them together and use it as something that could push you in doing great things in life. Always use their memories as an inspiration, not something that could pull you down.
3. Do something that stimulates your mind.
Yes you are entitled to mourn and feel grief over the death of someone dear to you but you should learn to divert your attention and emotions to something else. You can learn a new sport, try out a new hobby or be involved in a charity or group. Knowing that you are in a much better situation compared to others and knowing that you are capable of helping despite of the hurting you have inside makes you a better person and help in moving on with a love ones death.
The fact remains that getting over the death of someone dear to you is truly heart breaking. It is both emotional and stressful, but as the saying goes, life goes on, thus moving on is something you should work on. It really takes time, but you need to begin somewhere and somehow to make that move towards a better and a more positive situation.
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I so relate ... helpful.
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I've been thinking that same way, she is like my kid. I mean this will be LARGE for me, so I know what your mean when you say " is it normal? " I feel things are getting closer to "the time" as she turns another corner of this crazy alz. disease. The well starts to fill and the waterworks just start pouring down, like now....and I think I'm strong. My siblings pretty much just stay away and as we get even older after shes gone, that's something I'll never forget and will have to do some soul searching. I know how sad I'm going to be. I mean Ive been preparing for when that happens for years emotionally and I feel like Im right where I started when I think of loosing her. I already know Im going to wish I did more and all that...I try to rationalize, everyone looses parents right? How do they cope? Ive watched friends ask questions. Some steadfast " you never get over it" and " it was their time" (so accepting, busy living their own lives). So I know Im going to have to live with the grief....Im thinking more that I may take a trip when this is over, and just be alone.Then what I say to myself? try to relax, enjoy? I'll be sad and wish she was with me and on the flip side I do hope I feel a sense of peace knowing she will be with me on that trip and calming all my crazy thoughts. Well, Im glad I clicked on and read your posts. I guess little by little, with shared thoughts from people who have been there, has put a some ease in my night. appreciate it~
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It's perfectly normal to feel that way.
I'm sorry for your loss.
I was a caregiver to my Mom for 14 years.
On the day she passed away, I felt completely lost.
All my activities and purpose centered on taking care of her.
Now, that was all gone, and I had no idea what to do with myself.
She was the best Mom anyone could have asked for.
I know she's still watching over me.
It took around two weeks for me to start getting back to my former life.
Don't take too long to get back to your former life.
The longer you take, the harder it is to move on.
I know your Mom is still watching over you, too.
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I am suffering the loss of my mom since her passing July 3. It is hard to let go because we were so involved and close to them. With their passing there is an emptiness and loss of routine. You have to remind yourself that they lived a long life and that life does end. I know that my mom would not want be to grieve to long. She would want me to enjoy life with my family. I know that she is in heaven and being cared for there. I am working on letting her go and enjoying my life. I loved her dearly, but now she is gone.
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