My mom had a-fib, was not on blood thinner because she was a fall risk. I went to visit and noticed her one eye looked different. I ask her if she was feeling alright she said yes. I should have taken her to the hospital, the next day she had a major stroke and lingered for 8 painful days. It’s been 3 1/2 yrs since she passed. I pray she forgives me. It’s hard to live with everyday. Think she was starting to have the stroke when I saw her. I regret not doing something.
Greif counseling may help as well.
Bottom line is that is was your moms time to leave this world for the next and there was NOTHING that you could have said or done that would have changed that.
Praying for God's peace and comfort to surround you in the days ahead.
You are not god. It is a kind of hubris to think that you are omnipotent and powerful as a god, who can prevent or cause a stroke. You had no power here and to think you did is self-harming thinking. At this point you are suffering from "complicated grief" which is now a DSM-5 diagnosis. You are eligible for help now by a good in person on site cognitive therapist to help you to correct your thinking. Some of it is habitual rumination, some of it is a lack of knowledge, but in both cases you are harming yourself, and you need help.
Please consider therapy at this time. If you have discussed this with your doctor he/she should have already suggested this to you.
I am very sorry for your loss. Complicated grieving helps us to deny death and to believe there was a cause and effect. Some people blame doctors and nurses and hospitals and rehabs and care centers. Some blame the patient him/herself. Some blame themselves. What you are going through is not uncommon, and you aren't alone.
You do not know what would have happened.
She might have had the stroke on the way to the hospital.
She might have had a stroke the day before and it would have been to late to give any of the medications that are used for strokes.
She might have had a muscle tic in that eye and it meant nothing that it "looked different"
She said she was feeling alright.
You spoke with her she sounded alright.
You saw her and other than her eye she looked "normal"
I presume she was mobile during your visit and nothing looked "off" about her gait or how she was moving.
You have nothing to be forgiven for. You did nothing "wrong"
If she did survive the stroke I am sure she would have had more problems
Loss of mobility, loss of cognitive function and possibly many more mini strokes.
If you think you are at fault please forgive yourself, she most certainly has. Let this one thought go.
There is a Holy Day that is coming up. I do not know, or care, what religion if any you may have but...
Wednesday October 1, 2025-Thursday October 2, 2025 is Yom Kippur.
It is a solemn Jewish holy day focused on repentance, fasting and seeking forgiveness for sins.
I think at times we all need a Day of Atonement...maybe more than 1 day
Use that day as a day to focus and reflect on all the good things you did for mom, all the ways that you did help her. And allow yourself to forgive yourself.
🙏((hug))
Do you honestly think your mother is seeing you now and is angry at you? Well, I’d say she isn’t. Would she be able to have peace now if she could see you sad and blaming yourself? No! She can see your soul and she knows you loved her.
Please don’t grieve and blame yourself to death. Surely that is never what she’d want for you! You don’t need to ask her, God, or yourself for forgiveness. Because you did nothing wrong!
My MIL died suddenly of a stroke. Husband found her dead on the floor when he went to check on her that night. Never got to say goodbye. As awful as it was to lose her like that, it was her time. Same with your mother. There is nothing a human can do to stop that time.
Mom’s cardiologist was as useless as tits on a bull. I called him several times about this speak to him about this and hee never called back. So her daughters made the decision.