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When I was growing up I had very low esteem from my Mother’s constant complaints about my appearance, weight, among a few things. She is the type that when she wants something, she wants it NOW. I always felt like being on pins and needles. Now it’s still the same way. She has long term insurance and has about 1 year left before it runs out. Am I mean to not want her living at my house? Mentally I would be a basket case. I have a younger brother who rarely helps. I just want to find a nice nursing home for her.

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Nope, you're not mean. You're smart. You understand your limits and aren't interested in repeating history & having your peace of mind ruined again, and why should you be? I vowed to NEVER have my mother move in with me and so far, she's been in Assisted Living (and now Memory Care) for 5+ years. When her money runs out, I'll apply for Medicaid and have her moved into a Skilled Nursing Facility if need be. I grew up in a horribly dysfunctional home where mother's mother lived with us and they fought like cats & dogs. I was left with emotional scars that still haven't really healed, and therefore, vowed to never move an elder into my home. My relationship with my mother is rocky on a good day, I can't even imagine how horrid it would be if she (God forbid) lived with me! Yikes.
You are doing the right thing, in my opinion. Best of luck!
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Absolutely not. I'd commit Hari Kari before I would live with my mother.
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Rhonda, I have the nicest brother in the entire world, the one man who has been there for me for all my life, my best support, my soulmate. Yet I know my limitations, and I know I could not live with him and could not caretake him. There was a second or two when I said "If you were any kind of a person you would take care of your brother now until he dies". And I think that thought had not fully formed in my head before I knew I cannot do it now at 77, and in all likelihood I could NEVER have done it.
I am saying this about a man who is stellar. A wonderful man.
I am saying it being a person with limitations that are clear to me, as a person who has NEVER found complete ease living with ANYONE.
I can call myself any number of names but that doesn't change my limitations.
And I have to say if it were having to think of bringing someone into my home who was going to CRITICIZE me, then I wouldn't even bother to call myself names.
The answer should just be no. Be as kind as you are able; visit when you can. When the name calling starts give her a nice kiss on the cheek, tell her you love her, go home and eat a box of chocolates. Please don't try to take on to yourself this ENORMOUS task of in home caregiving. Even for those with the kindest most wonderful people in the world this is likely the hardest job on the face of the earth.
Go forth and have a wonderful life. There is so much to do and to love.
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You are not "mean". You are sane and are practicing self-preservation.

Why would you want to dial back to living in the presence of a person who doesn't value you for who you are?
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Rhonda, if I am reading your post correctly you have a year before your mother's long term care insurance runs out.

Why are you borrowing trouble now?

Your mother will not move in with you. Once her insurance has run out, she will run through any assets she has to continue to pay for her care. Once those are gone, then she applies for Medicaid.
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