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My husband's father recently passed away. We live in Michigan while my in laws live in Arizona. She has undiagnosed dementia. She's in the hospital for a fall she recently had. And even the nurses said that they can see she has it also. My father passed away and had dementia so I do know what it looks like. Everyone is different I know, but she's showing signs of it progressing very fast. And we are trying to help as much as we can however her short term memory is failing. We haven't even been able to get my father in law cremated yet. As we don't have the money. She cannot remember where her bank accounts are at or what she's doing from one minute to the next. My mother in law's sister is living in Arizona with her. But when she tries to help her she gets yelled at saying that shes trying to 'take' control of everything. My MIL thinks she can live on her own but we're afraid for her failing memory. I dont know how to get POA from Michigan to Arizona. And we cannot afford an attorney.

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You also can't get a POA. Your MIL is not capable of assigning you. And if she was capable, she may not want anyone in her "business". The way to go would be guardianship which is expensive.

Another option is allowing the state to take guardianship. This way she can get help faster. If she has no money, the state would apply for Medicaid. But, she maybe put into LTC. Unless Arizona allows Assisted Living.

Your last option would be bringing her to live with you. You are aware, though, how Dementia progresses and this may not be a good choice.

It's so sad when parents and children live so far from each other. And parents don't want to admit their decline and start making plans. Leaving the children to worry about what is to be done. The children's hands behind their backs because parents didn't set up POAs.
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Is she still in the hospital? What kind of home care plan is the hospital planning? Can you ask them to intervene with a social worker, since she is not able to live alone now?
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Go to www.nelf.org and find a certified elder law attorney in Arizona. They can do a phone consultation and help direct you. At this point, you can't afford to not get an attorney. Your in-laws money will pay for this.

Arizona has ALTCS for financially needy individuals, however, they have requirements that need to be met to qualify.

Do you have any idea of their finances? Does your aunt have access to their mail? Within 30 days you would receive all the information from bills to financial institutions.

If needed you could contact the post office and ask about temporary forwarding, it costs approximately 10.00 per mailing, they gather a weeks worth of mail and priority mail it to the address requested. We do that when we travel.

I would tell the hospital that it is not safe to discharge her to her home. Unsafe discharge and repeat every time that discharge is brought up. This should get the social worker helping you to get her into a safe environment and the attorney will be able to tell you how to proceed legally to help her.

I am sorry for your loss and I pray that God grants you grieving mercies and wisdom during this difficult time.
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