I didn’t sign up for this, living with MIL and I hate it. I want to run away. Is that my only option?

One other thing I was considering after thinking about your situation, could he have said she was moving with the plan being all along to have you be her caregiver, maid service, laundress, cook, etc. Without your consent? She took care of her mom, so now you should take care of her, starting now, hence her attitude and his?

Just out of curiosity how long was husband living with his mom before you came along?

Just curious how long was hubby living with his mom before you started dating?
What happens if she gets ill? Will you have to sell his home to pay her hospital, assisted living, nursing home? Were they living together to save $$$ because her mom is in a nursing home? If that is the case you will never seperate them.

If she was living there before you, its basically her house. She just went thru the motions of making it look good and give you a honeymoon. Barely.

Do they own the home together? If your working paying bills you make life easier for them. You probably don't get a portion of the house if you divorce. Just yor clothes/your furniture. Did you ever discuss the house situation? He might be paying the mortgage down faster with your help, but its still in his name or their names. They might have gotten the house together to conserve funds for her mom (his grandmother) and your MIL needs when the time comes. Id keep records of everything your paying for. Id talk to a lawyer about that.

What if you stay 10yrs and she needs a lot of care? Husb could say your money is help paying for his mom's care. Or he's selling his house and moving to an apt to pay for her care. Or you are now his mom's permanent carer, bc thats what women do. And he can't bathe/dress/toilet/change briefs bc that is his mom! Sons don't do that. There are boundaries. Sticking you with it all. Good luck.

She’s only in her 60’s? She could easily live to be 100 years old. My mother is 96 and lives by herself in her own house.

Get ready to wipe MIL ARSE for a very long time. Her son won’t do it.

I hope you leave this horrible situation you are in.

Each of us has our own values and priorities. If this is not how you choose to live that’s fine. Blaming is pointless and won’t change the situation. Something about this situation works for him and that’s ok. In reality you’ve moved into their house. I think the worst part is broken promises. Any compromises? I’d suggest buying a new home together. Maybe a new job for you across the country? Or married but live separately?

You need to make up your mind what you are willing to do and not do before you have a serious "come to Jesus" talk with him.  Tell him you didn't marry his mother and that living with her was not the life that he presented to you.  Ask him how he would feel if you moved your dad in and he ruled the roost and made your husband feel like an interloper.  Your husband needs to be a man and tell his mother that he is newly married and that as a newly married couple you need privacy and time to get to know one another as husband and wife.  The real problem here is he should be doing this without you asking him to.... The fact that he hasn't come to this conclusion on his own pretty much spells it out for you.  You have married a mama's boy and unless he does a quick 360, you may have to leave the two of them to their own devices.

This would be a totally different situation if you and your husband had been married for 30 years and all of the sudden his mom became sick and financially destitute and had no where else to go and he was taking her in until he could get her settled elsewhere, but that is not your situation.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this and you've got a tough conversation ahead of you and a tough decision to make. 

Take care.

first off stop paying bills in the house if you are because if ml is there. is she helping with bills ? and second when you get married your wife and husband comes first so talk to him about it let him know you can't live like this give him a time line for her to find a place let him know if she don't you will leave until she does i had the same situation with my husband newly weds so after two years of it i had enough thank god for this site they all give me good advice and i was able to stant up for my self and to my husband. as everyone here told me if he loves you he will choose you and i did told him it's me or your mom so he choose me so if he really loves you and want to make his marriage work he will do what's best for you both good luck put your foot down now

I am so sorry to hear of your situation. I agree with everyone who has recommended the "get MIL out or I leave" strategy, giving MIL a 30-day notice so she has time to find an apartment and pack her stuff. Find a counselor for YOU before you do anything, not only to talk through your situation but also so you have an emotional pillar of support when you and DH tell MIL she needs to get out. Expect a lot of upset from everyone (including you), and have a back-up plan to stay with a family member or friend for a few days if you need to shield yourself from flying sparks. And - please, please, PLEASE understand that having a baby will NOT magically improve your marriage or situation with MIL. Even if you love your DH on some fundamental level or you want to create the fantasy of a happy family in this stressful situation, bringing a child into the house with MIL around will just add an insurmountable amount of stress. After MIL is out, consider marriage counseling *before* considering having a child with DH. And if you go down that path with DH, set boundaries with MIL regarding visits. None of this is going to be easy, because everyone will be uprooting and re-setting emotions throughout the process.

I speak from some experience... My MIL moved in with us 4 years ago, originally what I thought was a temporary situation but now a permanent one according to both DH and MIL. MIL lives in an "in law" suite separate from the main part of the house and keeps to herself, so I tolerate her presence for the most part. She is in her 60s, dirt poor and in "poor health", and she informed us early on that she wouldn't be able to help out due to her bad health...so no childcare (kids were 8 months and 2 YO when she moved in), no housework, no cooking, no nothing. The most she has done is get the mail and roll the trash can from the curb to the house. Anyway, this year I finally told DH I was looking at 1BR apartments to rent (for me), and this finally made him "see the light" to consider assisted housing for MIL. He has reluctantly come around to this for the sake of my sanity and preserving the kids' sense of "family". If kids weren't part of this, I would have left a LONG time ago, leaving DH to pay my share of the mortgage and continue supporting MIL.

just tell your husband it's time for his mom to get her own place. your marriage comes first if you don't stand up to your husband and your ml it's going to get worst have a talk with ml also let her know that she should start looking for a place. believe me i know i had to tell my ml that my husband is not her husband because thats how she used to act like he's her husband. talk to both them together do it soon.

Do you live in apt or house? Maybe you can convert a basement or attic, or extend out so you all have more space. Maybe she won't get on your nerves then. It might not be that she is there, but taking over the only family room tv room in the house making it hers. Maybe you just need another room as a sitting/tv room, maybe with a dorm fridge, comfy chairs. And don't need to spend a ton of money. Its not always fun just watching TV from the bed. Then maybe that will take the pressure off she is always in your face?

sorry to hear what is happening.  hopefully a short story, my mother said when my parents got married they lived right next door to my dads parents. the grandmother was supposed to watch my brother while parents worked, but she would apparently let him skip school and if he broke things he was never held accountable. my mother finally had the craps of the MIL going against what my parents were trying to do (my dad worked in coalmining,etc so was extremely busy).  Finally mother said she was going home.......she got on a bus and went back down to her family home.  well in this case, my dad put his foot down and my mom came back home.  Maybe you might just have to give an ultimatum that he has "so many months" to get things straight with his mother finding another place or you will be finding another place.  IF she has health problems, then I guess she won't be of any help taking care of dishes, cooking, cleaning, etc and I doubt if he is going to do it when he gets off work.  This might just make him realize that she needs to find another place.  OR you can be nasty and start doing things that agitate her enough to make her want to leave (but that wouldn't be right)..........so I am wishing you luck with this.  maybe some counseling would help.

" I don’t want to leave my husband, but what can I do to let him and her know that this is an unacceptable way to live, besides packing my bags and leaving?"

Pack your bags and leave. Do it now. Don't come back until your MIL is out of your house.

There is no reason for your husband and MIL to modify their complete disregard for your feelings unless there are consequences for their behavior. You're only a year into the marriage and it will only get worse.

Can you give us an update? Hope things are better

Runnnnn! Don't Walk!

you need to leave, and I would hope this would not result in permanent separation, but until your husband sees that you mean business he will let this go on forever.

I would hope if you do leave and he sees you are serious he will make the changes. But even if he does not, you are better off not being there.

But in a way, why should your husband take action when you stay anyway?

I think if she just left, he was used to living with mom. It wasn't a hardship. He did for several ytrs. So nothing really changes for him.
Id go with the angle you were duped and never got to establish your own home like you were promised.