I could really use advice - I'm very shaken.

Your father has had a change in mental status.

Do you not think that calling 911 is the proper response?

I get that you are walking on eggshells, but you shoukd find out if the EMTs think it is a stroke or not.

Any time there is that much of an abrupt change in mental status, call 911.

Even if it turns out to be a UTI, it needs to be treated right away. (Not even tomorrow morning, imo.)

Take some deep breaths, after calling 911.

Even food poisoning needs to be treated in a 90 + y.o.

Try to skip all the psychological assessing and see that something is very wrong.

Call 911.

This sounds pretty severe and he needs to be seen ASAP, not tomorrow, IMHO. If he won't go willingly with you, call 911 and have him transported. Good luck.

I can't add anything to the strong suggestions that you call 911, regardless of whether your father approves or not. 

He may have had an allergic reaction to something in the food.  It took a while before I realized that MSG causes respiratory distress even if I have a little bit of it.   I had trouble breathing, felt as if a band was pulled over my chest and tightened.   It took anywhere from 15 min. to an hour to recede, and was frightening.

Between the Chinese food and the chocolate, a reaction is possible.   But it's best to get immediate help and find out for sure.

Clinical assessment:
Approximate 90 y.o. presents with agitation, hallucination, slurred speech, after being sick yesterday with an upset stomach. There is/is not any diarrhea but had an incident of urinary incontinence. He is/is not in pain, he says.

Unable to take vitals (b/p and use of oximeter, thermometer) due to agitation.
(He won't allow you near him?).

Calling 911.

Agreed--Needs to be assessed. Call 911.

dear you!! hug!!

you wrote:
maybe UTI or bacterial infection 

—
indeed, it sounds like that!!
and that can quickly turn into sepsis (that can be life-threatening and every hour counts)

the best is ER right away.

you can say the neighbour made the phonecall to the ambulance, heard strange sounds.

my father was saved by going to ER (it was a UTI, became sepsis).

If he is hallucinating call 911

A big (((((((((((Hug))))))))))

Call 911 get him to the hospital tonight

Call an ambulance asap & tell EMS all his symptoms & change in mental status. He is hallucinating. Good luck & hugs 🤗

EMTS can be persuasive in getting him to agree to go to the hospital 'just to get checked out'. It may be helpful if you and /or your mother are out of your dad's line of vision, and stay quiet while EMTs assess him.
He may try to convince them that he is fine...and he clearly is not.
Good luck.

He could have had a stroke, who knows? Call 911 and see what the EMTs have to say. Who cares if dad is upset? If he won't go to the hospital, then so be it. But at least some qualified EMTs will have a look at him and be able to do somewhat of a medical assessment on him, right?

I hear you about the chaos surrounding their personality types. I don't believe you are doing 'psychological assessments'; just trying to figure out WHAT to DO. Those who haven't dealt with these personality types have NO IDEA what they're talking about!! The behaviors just add a whole lot of extra headache into an already traumatic situation!

Wishing you the best of luck with everything you have going on. Please come back and update us as soon as you can.

First, I and many others understand what you are going through. I've been a caretaker of family members part and full time on and off, mostly on, since age 14. I hate to say this but it is not unusual for elderly persons to have one issue or emergency after another. As a recently retired health care professional, and as a daughter, I'd say get your parent evaluated as soon as possible. Use your judgment. One benefit of getting your parent evaluated is that, even if it is 'just' a UTI (common), you will have the opportunity to get a care plan in place and to anticipate what to do if similar situations come up and they will. After getting the immediate situation addressed, try to find time to come up with a plan. In my case, for parents and close family who needed help, I did most of the caretaking, but still worked full-time, and had to create a system that a military logistician would be proud of. There are county/state elder resources, elder/companion volunteers, family (IF they will help), neighbors/friends, and where applicable using Medicare/Medicaid/Long-term insurance approved/paid nursing services for acute (after hospitalizations), short-term nursing home/rehab (again usually after hospitalizations), chronic care, palliative and hospice care, again all have to meet eligibility requirements. I also paid home health aides to fill in the gaps. IF your parent does not have dementia and can cooperate, after you find out if the current problem is serious or not, ask them to cooperate with you. I had one parent who had a million diagnoses but could cooperate and we set a schedule, had a contact list, and visitation schedule. The other parent for various reasons could not and would not cooperate very much. Sometimes, the only option is to place your parent or loved one in a facility. I'm glad I was able to help my parents but it did come at a physical and emotional as well as financial cost to me and my family. I should have achieved a better balance between everyone's needs but when you are in the thick of it, you are on autopilot. The sooner you figure this out (in our highly advanced medical system but very dysfunctional elder care system) the better off you will be. There are no easy answers. You just have to work with what you have and do what you can and what you can live with. I wish you the best. Please let us know.

Reading the symptoms, my first thought was stroke.

Please call 911, because there is a small time frame that medication can help, after that, it is what it is.

Never apologize for doing a loving thing for someone that you love. You never know, it just might save their life.

Not sure if you’re calling 911 tonight. If you can’t get him to the doctor tomorrow, then that’s what you have to do. Don’t wait.

To the Most Amazing "Forum Family"...to: BarbBrooklyn..SendHelp..MJ1929..Againx100..GardenArtist..JoAnn29..ElizabethY..BundleofJoy..KNance72..Cover99..CaregiverL..CaregiverL..Clairesmum..lealonnie1..IsThisrealyreal..and Lizbitty...and all "likes" expressing support,

It was important for me to mention all of you - to extend my Heartfelt Gratitude and Bountiful Appreciation for the incredible Kindness.. Compassion.. Wisdom.. Brilliance.. Direction.. Guidance and for taking the time to immediately respond and extend your support. Words seriously can't even express how much this truly meant to me when I needed it most. I felt all of your guidance and being there in spirit and it was all of you who unanimously helped me to take the proper steps - you could all be doctors (in fact, his own doctor confirmed that same advice afterwards)! You are all angels here on earth and I wish for each of you Many, Many Blessings for Great Health..Happiness..Joy.. Peace.. Prosperity and all of your wishes to be answered.

I felt incredibly alone in dealing with this situation and it was very scary. My parents have caused me immense physical and emotional abuse in recent years and I've referenced some of this in prior feedback, but I'm still trying to contend with the enormity of it and it's still hard to talk about - I mention this because it made the situation the other night even more challenging. They've been brutal towards me - it's been heartbreaking for me and I'm still trying to navigate my own life after their damage they've caused me and it'll take a lifetime to repair. I hope to write a post some time elaborating because it's hard to keep in. Anyway, I had to just explain that because after reading all of your exceptional advice, I immediately listened and took next steps - I tried to call 911 - my mother ripped the phone out of my hands - went into her rage and my father also reacted - it was a whole scene...thankfully, I got the idea from BundleofJoy to reach out to neighbors and that's what I did - I would never have thought of it otherwise because I felt so frozen from it all (thank you, bundle). I left the house, went next door and my neighbor helped and called 911 with me and came back to the house w/me. My parents know how to reel it when when necessary - my neighbor didn't get to see the chaos prior.  

My father just returned from the hospital last nite - he's home now after two days there - they did every test - CatScan, MRI, bloodwork, etc -all tests were fine, except he came up positive for covid - which is so strange since he was vaccinated 3 times - the doctor said he's a-symptomatic and they administered the one-time medication that trump had gotten - due to his age. He needs to quarantine for 12 more days in his bedroom and because he's had the vaccines, the doctor said he shouldn't feel residual symptoms - the next day in the hospital, he was much more himself again - every doctor and nurse said what great spirits he has - I'm just trying to figure out who he is because he's horrible to me.

I've literally gotten no sleep for days - speaking around the clock to his doctors, nurses, running to fill their house with healthy food, protective gear, scrubbing their house, laundry, etc...and my father's first words to me when he returns is "I'll get you for this...you little b-tch...so you wanna be the boss, you'll get yours..I hope you suffer for the rest of your life, you worm..you're nothing..you're unlovable, etc'.

I felt like I was just sucker punched - I could understand if it was just because he wasn't himself due to covid - I wouldn't take it personally...but this is who he has been for his entire life - and I've just had enough.

I'm drained, I'm depleted, I'm lost, and trying to figure out what to do. I don't need this anymore.

Again, all of you have warmed my heart - may all of your goodness some back to you all in beautiful ways. Thank you so very much for being there - sending Lots of Hugs :-)
XOXO

Hope, sometimes folks need more (and different) help than family members van give.

If your father's recent speech and your mom's actions are their lifelong attitude toward you, you may need to step away and let others--neighbors, social services, the state--step in and take control of their affairs.

This is clearly a situation that now requires medical intervention. This could literally be ANYTHING from UTI to STOKE to ANYTHING else. There could be major organ failure. If a stroke it may already be too late for intervention of clot busters. THIS IS AN EMERGENCY. Call an ambulance now. No one here is an MD nor could we guess at what is happening. So sorry you are going through this.

Do the F.A.S.T test. It can be difficult for someone suffering from a stroke to describe or explain their symptoms. To confirm the person is having a stroke, you can do a quick test, called the F.A.S.T. test:[5]
Face - Ask the person to smile. Check if one side of their face droops or appears numb. Their smile may appear uneven or lopsided on one side of their face.
Arms - Ask the person to raise both arms. If they cannot lift their arms, or if one arm drifts downward, they are likely suffering from a stroke.
Speech - Ask the person a simple question, like their name or their age. Note if their words are slurred when they respond to you or if they have difficulty forming words.
Time - If the person displays any of these symptoms, it is time to call 911. You should also check the time to confirm when the person’s symptoms first appeared, as the medical staff will use this information to better care for the person.

I worked at Thomas Jefferson department of Neurosurgery, Philadelphia-pre-op and post op. Had a new patient in the exam room, older gentleman, looked a bit confused. I started to talk to him, he did not exactly respond-eyes kind've blank. Then I asked him to smile, he could not. I asked him to raise his arms, he could not. I ran down the hallway, grabbed the nurses, "he's having a stroke", they ran in, and obviously he went right to surgery. Best surgeon there too. Patient had a great recovery.

I’m an EMT. Based on what you posted, get him to the ER NOW! If he won’t go with you, call an ambulance. He does have the right to refuse care, but sometimes people will listen when a medical professional is advising

The OP with help of the parents neighbor called 911 and he went to the hospital. Physically he is fine. Scroll down to read her update.

Mentally that is another story. OP my heart breaks for you that you feel compelled to help these child abusers in their old age. Especially since they are continuing the cycle of abuse towards you as an adult. I want you to know that you are worth more than being a punching bag for these two mental detectives. Please do not waste who knows how many more years on these two. Easier said than done but I hope you find the strength to do it especially with your father's latest threat.

Your father can be having any of a number of problems that is affecting his mentation.

Please take him to an emergency room. He could be having a stroke or a serious infection that is causing sepsis. Only a doctor with access to a full lab and possibly radiology for scans can evaluate this thoroughly.

In most cases, his thought processes should clear up once the cause it dealt with,

I hope you called 911 and had him admitted and things have been able to be sorted by now. It could have been UTI or overdose of MSG, or anyone of a number of things, but as long as he has been admitted and sorted now then you can start to deal with longer term issues - which do NOT include moving in or moving them in with you - the psychological effect on you would be too much, and you need your health. We cannot grow out of abusive behaviour results, and they cannot grow out of being abusive - please don't go down the 24 hour care by you route whatever happens.

Sweetie, run, don't walk away from your parents. Toxic people need to be cut out of your life, whether or not they are related. No one should be subjected to the ugliness your dad and mother showered on you the other night, let alone, a whole life time.
If you are concerned about their well being, call Adult Protective Services and report elders at risk.
Let them stew in their own juice, dirty laundry, no food, etc. They don't deserve one single second of your concern.
I am so sorry you have been treated so badly, but they will never stop. You are the only one who can stop it by avoiding them at all costs.
My heart hurts for you. Please, please, please stop letting them abuse you.

If your folks are still 'lucid', withdraw with love; tell them you regret (don't 'apologize' for anything, as you have nothing to apologize for) they think of you as a problem instead of a help, that you want the best for them and will connect them with appropriate agencies who will Take Over From Now On. Emphasize to them that you love them, want the best for them, that you feel this is the best plan for all concerned. Then only check in on them As An ACQUAINTANCE would do; don't get involved in their drama anymore. Emancipate yourself, emotionally, for everyone's sake. It is entirely OK that your parents' issues are beyond your capacity to help/change things for them; that is simply honesty. Parents are our 'launch pad', not our bondage.

I hope you will update us on what you did and what your father's diagnosis is/was. It could have been a temporary illness or it could have been a stroke. That's 911 and ER-worthy.

UTI is exactly what I would have suggested to check out first. It comes on out of no where and can do exactly what you are seeing. Accusatory about things, defensive, seeing thing that aren't there, sometimes even go as far as to think spouse having affairs with caregivers. Wild dream like stories.

My understanding is that with the elderly, UTIs can cause very bizarre symptoms regarding behavior. I witnessed this type of behavior in an elderly female neighbor who was diagnosed with a UTI. Once treated, the symptoms disappeared.

Honestly, I am more concerned about you than your father. Just based on your post here, it seems to me that extended interaction with your parents right now would be more stressful for you, more negative and damaging for you than it would be positive for your parents. I'm thinking it would be more helpful for you to focus on caring for yourself: mental, physical and spiritual levels.