This is my first post. I’ve reached a point to where it would just be nice to hear others feel similar to the way I do... here’s a little back story:
My family has always been extremely close. We’re all best friends. My mom was diagnosed with cancer and she passed in 2017. It will be a year this October. When her illness began to decline and made it to where she could no longer work, my husband and I packed up and moved in with them. One, so we could “pay them rent” ie...help with the bills. And two, so that I could help out with taking care of her as best I could.
The care my mom required with the illness was unlike anything I could have ever prepared for. It was extreme and while it completely changed me as a person and was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, I would take care of her all over again, for every day for the rest of my life if given the chance. She was my person.
When she passed, my dad took it hard. She was only 56 and they had so much time to still share together. It’s been almost a year now and he is still grieving so very hard, which I completely understand. He relies a lot on my husband and my company. We invite him to go places with us a lot and though some days are harder than others, I feel like we have developed an okay rhythm of daily life between the 3 of us.
My issue is my own guilt. I learned from this experience that I am the “fixer” in the family, and honestly, some things I can’t fix. I can’t fix that he’s lonely because it’s not my responsibility to make anyone else happy except myself...and yet I still worry at the end of the day if I talked to my dad enough or if I’m spending too much time with him and not my husband. (Side note: hubby is the best person ever and totally supports all of this. Sometimes I wish he would get aggravated from time to time so all the decision weren’t on me!)
I guess my overall question is what do you do when you *know* what you’re supposed to do, but can’t carry it through? I *know* I’m not responsible for anyone and all I can do is be there and do my best, but what do you do to make yourself feel better when you still feel the guilt?