My mother and step-father are currently in a NH facility living together in 1 room. Mom is 89 and has Alzheimer’s. She is very content in her surroundings; she knows the hallways and can recognize the people (for the most part) around her. On the other hand, my step-father is a grouchy and miserable person and hates every minute he is there as he feels he doesn’t belong there and can do far more than he actually can. He throws temper tantrums and complains about everything. So, I have been searching for a more acceptable place for them both, trying to make his final days more comfortable. This is a Medicaid approved facility, so it’s clearly no Taj Mahal but, the staff are good.
He has advanced cancer and is on palliative care. I am very torn about this as their needs are so different. I fear her condition will clearly deteriorate because of a change, but they’re married and I can not separate them! I do believe he’ll likely hate the next place he goes because that’s what he does, but, I want to try and help him be comfortable these last days of his life. Any advice or new perspective would be appreciated. Thank you.
Some things you can't fix, and this may be one of them. I know how hard it is, too, b/c my mother was the miserable one when living with my father in AL. She did everything in her power to make the end of his life as miserable as possible, which drove ME batty. I honestly feel like he was ready to divorce her, after 68 years of marriage, towards the end of his life b/c he'd had ENOUGH of her B.S., but he wound up passing away before he could do such a thing.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.