I feel horrible writing this. I do not have it bad at all. My father still has his mental capacity in his late 90s. He lives by himself and while I am trying to get him on Medicaid I took out a second mortgage to pay for an aide. So I am not physically doing any hands on care for him. But I feel like there are crises all the time. I just dread it when the phone rings. I am an only child with no other local relatives to share the burden. My mother was ill for ten years before she died and my husband, who is almost 20 years older than I am is ill also. I have a very high pressure job, I am the breadwinner for my family, and still have a teenager living at home, who is great but also has some health issues. At times I just don’t want to get out of bed. I went on vacation a few weeks ago to my favorite place on earth with my daughter who is one of my favorite people on earth and I did not really feel any benefits of relaxation. I totally know that compared with people who have actually been the only caregivers for their LOs with dementia I have it easy. I always thought I was a strong person but I am just so tired of talking to doctors and elder care people and agencies and taking care of everything for everybody. I take a walk with my dog every day for some peace and quiet and my vacation was a way to try to do something positive for myself but I just feel so overwhelmed sometimes. Can a woman in her 50s run away from home?!? Anyone care to join me?
Pack your things, I'll drive.
I remember asking my parents if the time came and they needed to hire a caregiver, would they hire a caregiver who had zero experience and no training? A caregiver who wasn't able to pick up dad if he fell? A caregiver who didn't like to cook or clean? A caregiver who was nervous about driving? And a caregiver who was 65 years old? Their answer was "of course, not". Well, that caregiver would have been me. They looked at me like my hair was on fire. No hands-on care, but a lot of logistical stuff.
How does your Dad feel about senior living? If he owns his own home, and if there is equity, he can use that equity for Assisted Living. When my Mom had passed, my Dad was ready to move to senior living as he was so tired of the responsibility of dealing with a house. Once he moved to senior living, he was happy as a clam as finally he could enjoy himself and be with people of his own generation.
I always enjoy reading your posts but I love this one about not hiring the tired 65 yr old. Lol
It reminded me of the first person we interviewed to take care of my mom in her mid 90s. We (sis and I) had made no decision to hire this lady and we didn’t have enough snap not to meet with her the first time in front our mother. She had been recommended by a family member so we had to interview her. My mom took care of that. She asked the woman how old she was. The woman didn’t answer. Before she could my mom said “looks like it would be the blind leading the blind”. OMG we were mortified.
Of course my sister and I in our 60s looked just the right age to our mom.
The woman wouldn’t even answer the phone when we called to apologize.
In other words, try not to compare your situation with the situations of others. It devalues how you're feeling and what you're feeling and experiencing is very real and very difficult. And we never know what goes on behind the closed doors of others who seem to be having a less difficult time than we are.
i wrote out a long answer to you yesterday and decided not to send it. I felt so bad for you and thought I should not make matters worse.
After all, you only wanted to know if we wanted to run away with you. I decided it was a trick question. Some of us would have to go to work to take care of the rest of us when we got to wherever we were headed and life being what it is, I suspect the same group would be working as are working now.
I guess it boils down to we all just have to do the best we can with what we have.
But do take some time for your teen. I neglected mine for my aging folks and my career. Children are ours for such a short time. And do consider a certified elder attorney well versed in Medicaid to help guide you through things like second mortgages and getting your dad on Medicaid if you haven’t done that already.
Keep us informed. We care.