I took care of my mom and my dad for years before my dad passed. After he passed. It was too much for me to work. And take care of mom with dementia. So I had to quit my job. My brother was little to no help then our now. I guess it's because he feels she's not our real mother but stepmother. I called her my mother-in-love. But we are all she has.. and I love her immensely. Which he is over my mother's finances. After my husband was diagnosed with cancer, my daughter moved in with my mom to help care for her. She has three children 10, 2 and 3. Unfortunately, her boyfriend died unexpectedly, so she now cares for my mom and also her kids. Witch really gives her no life outside the home. I help as much as I can. We're paying all the bills plus her car payment and insurance. And phone bill. I was wondering how much cash or money she should be paid on top of all this? My brother thinks the bills are enough. But of course, like I said he doesn't do the caregiving. I am just looking for suggestions and guidance on this situation. So I have some insight for when I bring this to my brother's attention. So we can compensate her for everything she does. Mom can't do anything on her on anymore. Not even go to the bathroom. She still needs to provide for her young children. Especially since the love of her life left us a few months ago and doesn't bring home a paycheck. My mom has Medicare not Medicaid. And I'm sorry, to say, Medicare sucks! Thank you in advance sincerely from overwhelmed heart broken, mother , grandmother and daughter
I feel that this arrangement is not fair to your daughter. She needs to be free of this burden, and she needs to have the ability to earn income and earn Social Security credits. Otherwise, what will she do when she is an elder?
If you are curious what the typical rate of pay is for a home care provider, you can call and ask a couple agencies. Last I knew, it was around $25/hr, but the worker only gets about half that, the rest goes to payroll taxes and administrative costs.
Some independent (self-employed) care providers will charge that or more.
Christmas, Easter, birthdays all included. I will not put myself in a position where this caregiver could ever allege child labor I would have to attest to.
Idk as the children involved in your matter here are the actual children of the family. It would seem in this case that they could be more of a family plan even if not directly involved. If there was a grandchild in the situation of wanting to take care of them, we would want them to get the 123k.
This is grossly unfair of your family to expect your daughter to provide this care while also raising three young children on her own. She needs to be earning a real salary, with benefits, and retirement credit. She needs to get survivor benefits for her children. If her deceased boyfriend was not the father of all three children, she needs to get child support from the father of the other(s).
The worst thing is she made them her poa & left me out of her will!
I don't care but want to move and she refuses to move with us. My brothers want no part of it.
I told them if I kill myself ( not going to )
She'll be their responsibility.
Does she want to be the full time caregiver for her grandmother? Is she only doing it for the financial help she clearly needs?
I feel like if she is willing to do the caregiving, that her Mom (you) and her uncle should be doing everything possible to help her financially, physically with chores, and emotionally, by giving her much needed breaks to keep her sanity.
If she does not want to be a full time caregiver, then you and your brother need to take this extra work off of her plate. And thank her profusely for all she has done.
Remember, this is YOUR MOM, and your brothers. Work together as a family to do what is best for everyone. Your brother seems out of touch either way all that his niece is doing.
Best of luck to your family
🙏❤️🍀
I don’t think this situation is the right job for a single mother long term anyway .
A new plan is needed for all involved .
If your stepmother has dementia, sell her house and place her in a facility, apply for Medicaid, do something. You can't do the caregiving because your husband has cancer. Your daughter is in a horrifyingly bad situation financially and must not be doing this because she needs to go out and get a real job with benefits to support her family. And finally you need to realize your brother won't be stepping up. If he wanted to, he would have done so by now.
The way I see it, you don't have many choices here. She needs to be cared for in a facility.