I am having a hard time dealing with the overflow of emotions that I am having. I get mad at myself for getting irritated at my dad. HELP!

I've just started this process of caring for my mother. Luckily, I have the support of my brother but it is up to me to do the planning, doctors's visits etc. I also found myself becoming resentful and angry. I Just tell myself that she did't ask for this and may also be confused by all the changes. I make sure that every day I walk and/or do yoga. I make a point of getting together with girlfriend even if it's just for dinner. I make plans with my husband as much as is feasible. When I see that I'm getting impatient with my husband for little things I stop myself - he's my support and is very understanding. It's an effort but I stay mindful of what I'm feeling and try to remember to add some joy to my life each day. Even if it's something small. My recent life has been ruled by my mom's needs. I am currently in the process of moving her to assisted living and the stress and guilt is overpowering.. I try and keep in mind that,even though my mom as I know her is not really present, she is a human being that I'm helping and that helps me. And self forgiveness is essential. You are allowed to feel sorry for yourself for a little while. Limit that - it's counter productive - and live your life with your other loved ones as best you can.

Good news the additional outside help is wonderful to help out. (((((hugs)))))

Jessica, I am in awe that you can handle 2 kids that young and
a husband plus an incontinent father. Don’t feel bad if you get irrated for having too much stress. I kept my father in my home
for 15 months. He was not incontinent, but he asked the same
questions over and over everyday. He could not use his phone and wanted me to tell him how every five minutes. He could not use the TV changer. He thought the TV channel changed every time a commercial came on and would scream for me to come check his TV. He obsessed over having dinner. He started in at 3:00 asking if I was going to cook dinner. (Every 20 mins) At 5:00 it went to ever 5 minutes until 7:00. I cooked dinner every night. It
Was as if everyday was a repeat of the day before. I almost lost my
mind. I hope the help you are getting will be enough. Caring for a
Loved one in your home is very difficult. Good Luck!

It took me over 6 months to learn but I needed to realize my Dad is human, too and I needed to slow down and be patient with him. I overlook a lot especially when he can't remember stuff and remind myself constantly that I will be a lot like him someday and how would I want to be treated ? Being old is hard on them, too. I leave the room his in a lot too (laugh out loud ) and do something I like... (Facebook) or whatever. When he calls me... I say sorry I didn't hear you. That's the only way I get a break and it works for me. It takes time but you'll figure it all out. I'm much happier now and si is my Dad. Hugs and hang in there it'll all work out.

What a wonderful update!

I will also mention that when I was going through a particularly stressful time (including my elderly mother who was starting dementia) I found that see a therapist was hugely helpful. Just someone to talk to who wasn't involved in the situation. Just talking helped - I felt SOOOOO much better after the first session. But she also helps me prioritize and focus on what might be most important. I saw her weekly at first, but now it is ever 6-8 weeks, just so things don't build up.

WOOHOO, Jessica, I'm happy for you. One other thing I wanted to add was about your dad crying. Neither of my parents was a crier. As they got older, both cried some. My dad had a stroke and that changed his affect and he'd get weepy over anything sentimental or emotional. My mom got very weepy in her last five years, which was a total shock to me. If she felt like she was being too much of a burden, she'd burst into tears. At first, that made me feel terrible. The good news about my mom was that she had no short-term memory, so she'd forget that she was upset about something 30 minutes later. Once I figured that out, it didn't bother me as much. You may find the same with your dad. His crying may not signify as much as it would have if he was a young, healthy man. Keep coming back here and let us know how you're doing.

Just an update guys ... The social worker for home health care came again today and my daddy qualified for not Only home health care to come out but another service to come out 5 days a week 4 hours a day. I'm really excited to have the help and I'm thankful for all of y'alls guidance and support you don't know how much it has helped me get through the day

By the grace of God one day at a time🙏🏻 Wishing you and your family peace and comfort.

Jessica I'd like to think of you, husband and children sitting in a circle, holding hands, and breathing deeply. Just for three minutes or whatever you can spare.

It's very early days in an incredibly challenging and emotional time. If you can all cut one another as much slack as you need and hold tight, you will get through this. Big hugs, please keep updating us.

I share your feelings and thank you for starting this thread.

My father passed suddenly and my mum took on an angry attitude. I tried to appease her at first but there was no comforting her which caused me to be irritated. I was sad enough loosing my father, but then felt I was loosing my mother.

Along with prayers I turned to meditation. That is meditation not medications. Actually mum turned to medications and her doctor prescribed even more for her. She is diabetic with high blood pressure, high cholesterol and has emphysema. She started telling me of the poor nutritional food she was eating eeek, pie, cake, doughnuts, fast food burgers, fries, biscuits and bacon sausage breakfast sandwiches. This is after I was bringing her healthy food and frozen soups. Which are going to waste in her freezer so crammed not another thing will fit.

This was the physical aspect that brought reality to my brain. I couldn’t change her attitude and it made me angry. I let go..

Now time to take care of ourselves..
Meditation just three minutes per day
and a balanced diet helped me.
I was so worried about mum I was neglecting my husband and children.
I’m nurturing them along with myself and take it day by day.

I still can’t sleep through the night but doing so much better.
When I get irritated I stop and recognize it.
Then decide to change the attitude and focus on the good things.

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

Is your dad being seen by a geriatric psychiatrist or neurologist? Broken brains often need psych meds to ease agitation and depression.

Jessica, I hope this does work out. Your dad is lucky to have such a loving daughter.

Okay guys I know I've been off more than I can chew. At the same time I can't put him back in the nursing home. I have contacted home health care and they are starting to come out. They made one visit the initial visit anyway. So hopefully it will get easier. I'm reading on here how I need to not trying to make things perfect and get overwhelmed so much .... it's hard to do, but I'm trying. When talking to my father about going back to the nursing home or something else he freaks out starts crying. My dad's always been the strongest man I know to see him cry breaks my heart more than the stress overwhelms me I can't put him back he is a veteran and I get his VA benefits process started tomorrow so maybe things will get better. My relationship with my husband is already suffering but yet again I have to put that in God's hands and pray that all will work out.

Jessica, My mom lived with me for 18 months. It affected my relationship with both my husband and son. I was a wreck. I had more health problems during that time than you can imagine. Once my mom moved out all my health problems went away:)
My mom is now living in an independent apartment in a continuing care community. I am still caring for her but the level of stress is so much less.
You need to take care of yourself and like snoopy love said, your kids should be your first priority.

I think you may have bitten off more than you can chew. Can your father afford to pay for caregivers to help you? If not, you may need to look at other options for his care. Emotions and feelings can only be managed so much. Don't risk ruining your kids' childhood.

Hi Jessica. So have you only been taking care of Dad for 2 weeks then?
I want to tell you it gets easier with experience and the build up of patience. Just reading what the individuals are going through on here, allow me to see clearly my situation, and know that it could be worse.
My Parents moved in with me almost 4 years ago, my Dad passed just over a year ago, and I will tell you it's harder with just the one as opposed to when there was the two of them.
I am only now figuring out balance. Still haven't gotten it all figured out. But I see sunshine. Oh my dear I know the emotions, I still struggle. It seems so horrible at times. And I mean this from experience and with all sincerity, it is only by the grace of God and the enduring love of Jesus Christ that I get through my days.
Taking one day at a time has not been my forte, as I am a huge planner. But that is what I have learned I must try to do is take one day at a time. It will get better hang in there. I will keep you in my prayers. And think of praying yourself if you don't already.
Best wishes and May God bless.

So he has Alzheimers and is incontinent? Do you have any help with him? Did he live with you before, or is this a new arrangement? Where did you bring him home from, the hospital? What is his overall condition?

Bottom line is this is a marathon and not a sprint. You have to learn to pace yourself. You can't make things perfect. You can't make your dad well again. You can do what you can do.

You need help and respite (time away). Don't give up your life and your happiness for your dad's sake. If this is a permanent arrangement, you need to get some immediate help. Start reading these boards for ideas and suggestions. Or tell us specifically what is going on and you'll get lots of good ideas and support.

Sue88
Yes he is I brought him home 2 weeks ago

Is your dad living with you?