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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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My brother ended with living with me because his wife threw him out. His dementia has gotten worse. I need some advice on how to set up some conditions for him to living in my house that I rent.
People with dementia are not capable of adhering to a program of of "set conditions". I am so sorry.
I think it was a grave mistake to take your brother in. Apparently his wife was unable to deal with his dementia. She is however his wife and responsible to provide him the care he requires, or allow the state to do so.
I doubt you are qualified now to provide to your brother 24/7 care of several shifts with several workers each to keep him safe and relatively content. Are you? So it is time now to work with his wife. If she is divorcing you may need temporary guardicanship in order to place your brother. Trading in "beloved sister" for "caregiver" is a grave mistake that will not cure anything nor make it happier for anyone, including bro and yourself.
Your landlord may not be happy with your brother living there. Check your lease! The lease may not allow it.
I had a next-door neighbor who rented a house from another neighbor. My neighbor mostly lived elsewhere with her boyfriend. One day the mentally ill adult son of my next-door neighbor showed up. He'd previously been living in a mental hospital. On his first day there, the son started freaking out, yelling as he kicked the outside of the house, and so on. The neighbor who owned the house got rid of him pronto, terminated the lease with his mom, and put the house up for sale. He said that he couldn't risk the disturbance of the peace or allow the son to be in danger from angry neighbors who were afraid for their kids when the son was around. Nor could the landlord take the risk that the children would be harmed.
You've embarked upon an entirely new situation here. You might have set yourself up to be the default caregiver, but I doubt that you are prepared to provide 24/7 care for a frontal lobe dementia patient. Have compassion for your brother but don't expect that you can caregive someone with such grave needs. He needs institutional care.
You need to get him into a memory care asap. You likely have no rights managing him or access to his finances. Please contact his wife and tell her she needs to make major decisions now. She is likely getting his social security disability! She has all his insurance information. I would tell her "Either you work WITH me & get him help OR I am signing him up for Medicaid and Medicaid will come after every penny of your estate to pay for his care."
Frontotemporal dementia (FTD) can result in impulsive, unpredictable, and even reckless behavior. Your brother needs some medications to bring his behavior under control. Call Adult Protective Services and tell them he can't safely live with you. Hopefully they can get him hospitalized to help stabilize him and then work with his wife on what happens going forward. It was good of you to take him in and I'm sorry it is so challenging.
I am assuming you mean frontotemporal dementia (FTD). My father had it, the behavioral variant.
Please see: https://www.theaftd.org/
and consider joining:
https://www.ftdsupportforum.com/
FTD is terrible to deal with, especially if the person is not medicated. Rage, destructive behaviors, manic obsessions, or by contrast total apathy, lying, and total lack of empathy or caring are common. it is very common for them to not know or care that they have dementia and also to lose the ability to understand that other people are people, with feelings and perspectives of their own. It’s quite likely his wife kicked him out for good reason, but he won’t see it that way. He may no longer care about her.
If he has FTD, most likely you can’t set up any conditions. They will be meaningless to him. He may nod or agree and then continue to do exactly as he pleases, which could be behaviors dangerous to himself, you, and others. It could involve doing things that damage the house or property, put himself or you at risk or are even illegal. I’m speaking from experience!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I think it was a grave mistake to take your brother in. Apparently his wife was unable to deal with his dementia. She is however his wife and responsible to provide him the care he requires, or allow the state to do so.
I doubt you are qualified now to provide to your brother 24/7 care of several shifts with several workers each to keep him safe and relatively content. Are you?
So it is time now to work with his wife. If she is divorcing you may need temporary guardicanship in order to place your brother.
Trading in "beloved sister" for "caregiver" is a grave mistake that will not cure anything nor make it happier for anyone, including bro and yourself.
I had a next-door neighbor who rented a house from another neighbor. My neighbor mostly lived elsewhere with her boyfriend. One day the mentally ill adult son of my next-door neighbor showed up. He'd previously been living in a mental hospital. On his first day there, the son started freaking out, yelling as he kicked the outside of the house, and so on. The neighbor who owned the house got rid of him pronto, terminated the lease with his mom, and put the house up for sale. He said that he couldn't risk the disturbance of the peace or allow the son to be in danger from angry neighbors who were afraid for their kids when the son was around. Nor could the landlord take the risk that the children would be harmed.
You've embarked upon an entirely new situation here. You might have set yourself up to be the default caregiver, but I doubt that you are prepared to provide 24/7 care for a frontal lobe dementia patient. Have compassion for your brother but don't expect that you can caregive someone with such grave needs. He needs institutional care.
Takes a real brass pair to do what his wife did.
Please see: https://www.theaftd.org/
and consider joining:
https://www.ftdsupportforum.com/
FTD is terrible to deal with, especially if the person is not medicated. Rage, destructive behaviors, manic obsessions, or by contrast total apathy, lying, and total lack of empathy or caring are common. it is very common for them to not know or care that they have dementia and also to lose the ability to understand that other people are people, with feelings and perspectives of their own. It’s quite likely his wife kicked him out for good reason, but he won’t see it that way. He may no longer care about her.
If he has FTD, most likely you can’t set up any conditions. They will be meaningless to him. He may nod or agree and then continue to do exactly as he pleases, which could be behaviors dangerous to himself, you, and others. It could involve doing things that damage the house or property, put himself or you at risk or are even illegal. I’m speaking from experience!