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noun


a generation of people, typically in their thirties or forties, responsible for bringing up their own children and for the care of their aging parents.


I just wonder if anyone else has the same concerns about your self care, job, family time, spouse connection, caregiver fatigue and showing up for your parent with love and dedication?

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I know many people will disagree with something I have to say. Children who are now adults and in middle age or older near retirement do not have the physical and mental abilities to be caretakers of old parents. It is a sad situation but when the older parents become burdensome in terms of personalities, special needs, etc. and the lives of their offspring are being negatively impacted, or their health is going down because of all the burdens and responsibilities, then they must be strong and make up their minds to take care of themselves first. Sometimes there is no choice but to put people into facilities with people who are trained to take care of them. No one should be forced to shoulder more than they can reasonably handle without severe consequences. Nor should they feel guilty. It is the job of parents to raise children who then become adults and start their own lives and families. They have the right to live their lives - it is their turn now.
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PandabearAUS Mar 9, 2019
Couldn’t agree more
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My kids were 11, 16 & 18 when I had to start stepping up helping mom with things, then quickly escalated to more & more help. I had to back off & force her to hire in-home help. Only one of my kids drove at the time & all were still in school, one being homeschooled.

My mom went to live in a nursing home in Jan. after three years of being completely helpless except to put a spoon in her mouth. My youngest is now 16. It was unbelievable how many people asked couldn’t Mom could live with me! Small home, no spare bedrooms & still educating children. Call me mean, selfish, horrible, I don’t care, I wasn’t about to take on that much of her care.
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AnnReid Mar 10, 2019
Oh my goodness mollymoose, I hope you were able to summon up every ability you had to ignore such unfounded nonsense, and that you know in your heart that unless another has walked in the steps where you have gone, their comments are worthless.
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Very sandwiched. My father's illnesses and hospitalizations have seemed to coincide with my son's serious illnesses and accidents. I have been on a crisis
to crisis treadmill for years and frankly didn't take great care of myself as I often
had to cancel appointments to take care of one or the other.

Ironically when there was finally a lull in the daily crisis and I started taking care
of myself again my own health failed rather spectacularly. I've seen this happen with a few others as well. It's easy to get on this blind treadmill with one crisis thinking you see the light at the end of the tunnel, only to realize years later
the tunnel is verrrrry long indeed.

Moral of the story is learn to have boundaries, learn to say no, take very very
good care of yourself, and choose your friends wisely.
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I'm a bit older than many of the "sandwich generation" at 72. My mother is 95 and still in pretty good health but requires my help often for meds, groceries, drs. appt's etc. I'm an only child so it all falls on me. Then there is my son who lives at home with me. He went through a couple bad divorces, had some rough life experiences (which I won't go into) and needs me help with housing, childcare and emotional support. In the past 2 years I have had several surgeries so I am not in the best of health either. I have been trying to start a business on the side but my head just hasn't been in it lately. Sometimes I just want to run away to a cabin in the woods and watch the wildlife.
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gdaughter Mar 8, 2019
62 with parents age 96 with dementia, and going on 102 and deaf. And demanding:-)
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I am. We have my mom here with Alzheimer’s and my daughter who is in college. My husband has MD so I guess I’m a “club sandwich” 😄.
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Mort1221 Mar 22, 2019
Love it!
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That would be me...I'm 40, married and have a 1st grader.  My mom is 66, and lives with us, for now.  Been caring for her for the last 2 years almost since she lost her independence due to her condition.  It is not easy, there is no spontaneous trips or outings, every thing needs to be planned in advance.  I worry about the impact to my health, my marriage, motherhood.  I hate not being able to enjoy this stage of my life the way she did.  I feel it was selfish of her to expect so much from me.  We are looking into having her placed in a Skilled Nursing Facility.
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PandabearAUS Mar 9, 2019
Right decision
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My mom recently passed unexpectedly, but she had suffered from mental health issues, diabetes and other health issues, and early onset dementia which became a pattern of progressive decline for at least 7-8 years. She was relatively young and she had me young. I'm nearing 39 now, but I was in my early 30s when mom started having serious health issues with her diabetes and memory loss. Not to mention being the oldest child coming from a dysfunctional family to begin with and all of the drama that that entails. It's been a long and winding road for sure, and I have teenagers and a toddler still at home, so I definitely felt sandwiched a LOT. It has also taught me to plan better for my own care in old age or in the event of my becoming incapacitated, as I don't want to put that burden on my kids.
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NeedHelpWithMom Mar 8, 2019
Sorry for your loss, frazzled. God bless you and your family.
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I'm 56 and care for my 82 yr.old bedridden mom, my 63 yr.old husband, that recently had a severe stroke, and my two young teenage grandsons, that have lived with us since they were infants. I guess technically I dont fall into the "sandwich" generation. I would call what I'm in the middle of is the "Sloppy Joe" generation.
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bettina Mar 10, 2019
Lol. But really you have a huge amount on your plate How do you cope with it all?
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When I started caregiving with my mom my youngest children were in elementary school so definitely the sandwich generation. Now I’m overseeing care for my dad, and my baby birds have all grown up, but we have a young adult son with a brain injury who will always live with us. I think I’m stuck being in this sandwich for a long while but that’s okay. The area that’s most suffered is my job. A person can only be pulled in so many directions
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I’m 50, with teenage kids, and an 80yr old mom with Alzheimer’s. Smack in the middle of it all. New to this and finding my way.
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pattiac Mar 22, 2019
Sarah, information is power, so make sure you get all the answers to your questions about how to streamline your time and set realistic boundaries for yourself. Know the options for yourself and your mom so you can be prepared. Don't feel you have to be all things to all people. It will burn you out and that's not fair to you or your family. Get support from doctors, senior social workers, legal counsel if needed, etc. Most of all, find time to enjoy your life and don't agree to anything that isn't realistic and agreeable to you to live your best life. As someone who has been doing this since about your age and is now 63, it's a constant reassessment of what my husband and I feel we can do for my 92 year old mother, ourselves, and our sons and their families. We have each other for support, as well as family and friends. This site has been so beneficial as well! Reach out for answers, reassurance, and ideas to make your life a balance so you have peace of mind as you take care of yourself and your family. Best of luck!
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