I'm 35 years old and living in VA, married with 2 children. I am having issues with caring for my mentally unstable mother, who has struggled with this most of her life. She is recently divorced from her 2nd husband after having survived H1N1. She was in a coma for about a month, and being on a ventilator has damaged her trachea to the point that she will need a resection done, a very risky surgery.
She lives with my family, receives SSDI and medical coverage. Up until recently, she has been pretty independent, albeit she cannot live on her own due to mental instability. She began speaking to random men online, who of course were scammers. I just found out that she gave the current guy a picture of her debit card, front and back, her bank name, login and security information, and PIN number, as well as our home address. I've looked through their messages and he sent pictures of our apartment building from Google maps to confirm that that was where she lives, which she confirmed.
I can't do this anymore. This is the 3rd guy I've told her that is scamming her. She has already sent him money, as well as the other 2 guys. The reason I can't do this anymore is I just don't think I can give her the care she needs.
I am a caregiver to my husband, who has an LVAD and is listed for heart transplant. I am the only one able to work and will be starting work soon. Our youngest child was diagnosed with level 3 Autism, needing speech, occupational, development, and feeding therapy. He is nonverbal, doesn't eat solid foods, and can be very aggressive at times. I am spread so thin already that now I don't think I can take the added on responsibilities of my mom.
Up until now, things were ok. My stepdad was her payee, even after the divorce, but she had her own bank account. I don't feel like she is responsible enough to continue that independence. She is forgetful and shows many signs of early onset dementia, which she was supposed to be evaluated for but she cancelled that appointment, which she does a lot without telling me.
I guess my question is, should I feel like a bad daughter for telling her that I think she should ask her sister for help instead of me taking over completely with her care? I know I would have to become her payee, power of attorney, find a mental hospital for her to get the help she needs, and I just can't do it and still care for my kids. I'm still shocked that she gave our address out, and I can't help but feel like I need to protect my kids over taking care of her. I just need advice, please.