Husband's pre-selected plot- what to do?

Any reason to think the single brother will be the first to go? Maybe your husband could “offer” him the burial plot? Otherwise I personally wouldn’t worry about the plot. Your husband made his wishes known-he wants to be with you, so if brother doesn’t want the empty plot, i’d not worry about it :)

My parents had 4 plots. They were buried in two, my sister in one and my Aunt in another. I don't remember any problem with the cemetery doing this. But, you might call them and see how to handle it. You may be able to have the plaque changed instead of replacing.

Reminds me of the old story told by Mickey Mantel....
since he and his wife had homes in multiple states, she wanted to know where he wanted to be buried...his reply..."surprise me"

My father passed unexpectedly 44 years ago, when both of my parents were in their 30s. My mom bought a double plot and had her name and DOB engraved with date of death, of course, empty.

Fast forward 20 years and mom finally remarries. Step dad passed ten years ago. He was cremated and lives in his urn in her bedroom. When mom passes, we will cremate her, open her side of the grave, and place them both inside. We will add an additional marker or engraving to memorialize step dad.

Thanks! I guess maybe just leaving it empty is a good idea. I honestly hadn’t really thought of that for some reason. I am happy that no one said that I should bury him with his first wife, although personally I think that would be nice, but now I don’t feel guilty if I don’t. Thank you everyone for your thoughts. It is a engraved gravestone and not a plaque so I am thinking that a name change might be tricky.

A burial plot is an asset.
Can the empty plot be sold or returned to the mortuary?

If the headstone goes across both plots, then that empty plot cannot be sold..... unless a new headstone is ordered with just the late wife's information, then the empty plot could be sold back to the cemetery.

While shaking the family tree, one great-great Aunt's husband had passed and was buried. Aunt remarried and later down the road he passed away, so he was buried two plots over from her first husband. When the Aunt died, she was sandwiched between her late husbands. There is one gravestone with all three names.

Janijean, my sig other has the same situation. There is a headstone with his late wife's information, and his information. Plus his parents are in the slot below [this is a wall type burial]. I don't know what he plans to do. For myself, I now want to be cremated and buried with my parents, being I was an only child.

I don't see how a plot would be an asset. Who would want to be buried next to someone they don't know. There are transfer charges and the last I heard they were $300 a plot. I do not remember being asked about Moms plot or proving she had one. I did take her insurance money and prepay her funeral which includes everything to do with a funeral.

I would just leave the plot empty. My Uncle passed away at 45 and he and his wife had a 4 place plot with her parents (his in-laws). She remarried and is now buried someplace else with her 2nd husband. So my uncle is now next to an empty plot, with the ex-in-laws. Sigh. I’ve buried some of my moms ashes next to him so he wouldn't be “alone”. Ha. It might be nice to keep it empty in case it comes in handy in the future.

Again while shaking the family tree I came across several situations where the husband was a Veteran and he was buried in a National cemetery, while the wife was buried elsewhere, usually in the same cemetery as her parents and siblings.... yet her late husband's name, date of birth/death was on the double headstone at her grave-site.

New Orleans has family plots. There are no limits on how many people can be buried there. We are situated below sea level so we have above ground graves. New Orleans has a French and Spanish history and our cemeteries are patterned after some in France.

At our family plot that my grandfather bought it costs us $2000 to open the grave to bury my brother’s ashes. But any relative can be buried there forever. If relatives die close together they will remove them from the casket and place the bones in a bag to make room for a new casket. That’s what I was told by the office staff. My brother was in an urn because he was cremated and daddy died years before.

Cemeteries are very sacred here. We have a huge Catholic community and on All Saints Day the cemeteries are packed with people. The florist do well here.

Many families even have picnics on the grounds. Children play in the cemetery. I went to the cemetery often as a child. It’s common in New Orleans.

We have unique cemeteries. Some are very beautiful such as Lake Lawn Metairie Cemetery. Anne Rice’s husband is buried there and other famous people.
His tomb is amazing, with stained glass windows. God knows how much was spent on his resting place. The wealthy people here have elaborate graves and mausoleums. They are like small homes, some even have wrought iron gates. Some are built like pyramids. Huge statues, etc. As I said, unique.

Whenever I have seen cemeteries elsewhere with a below ground grave and a simple headstone it seems so plain to me because ours are even referred to as ‘Cities of the Dead.’ They are very beautiful.

St. Louis No. 1, the oldest cemetery has interesting people buried there such as Marie Laveau, Creole Queen of Voodoo.

The cemetery tours here are very popular. Not all of our cemeteries are in safe neighborhoods so it’s better to take a tour if you don’t know our city.

New Orleans has a culture of it’s own, definitely not ‘anywhere USA.’ Many claim it’s very haunted. Some of the plantation homes in Louisiana have cemeteries on the grounds.

First of all, you & your husband should talk this over between the two of you. What the first wife wanted, I doubt very much, that should even come into the equation.She is no longer married to him. The two of you are happy together, so what the two of you want is all that should matter. If you want to be cremated, decide where you want the decanters to go & go from there. I would ask your husband & his brother if that would be okay?

My Dad told us he got a lot of ancestral history from gravestones, especially when the town records had been destroyed in a fire.  So if there are children, the marking on the stone are important.  I've asked that my date of death be added to my first husbands' stone, and my ashes and ceremony are totally up to survivors. I would, however, like the ashes to be able to be used by Mother Earth, not encased.  My belief is that I will be reunited with both husbands in the afterlife. No one will haunt any family. Do what feels right.

Yes, If the Bro agrees to be Buried there, It is Okay and very Appropriate. If Not, Take a Bit of the Ashes and Bury a Locket in the Small Spot next to her. That is only Appropriate, Her Wishes even, For she left this World in love with Him and I Feel this Spot should Somehow be Utilized...Even with Someone in the Family.

My husband’s late wife had terminal cancer, and she bought a plot for three in Long Island. I’m not sure why she bought three. She is buried in one of them.
Neither my husband or I wants to be buried anywhere. When we tried to sell the vacant spaces back to the cemetery, we were told that they could only sell vacant plots. It took me a while to realize that they were saying that we would have to have her dug up!
Of course we would never do that. She still has family out there. It wasn’t a big deal for us, but it sounds like a waste of resources if there is space for two other people, and that’s what she and Ray bought.
I don’t understand their thinking.

If you can't sell it give it away. There will always be people who have loved ones buried nearby and who cannot afford a plot. They will be grateful for your generosity.

My parents were divorced 35 years before my mother passed away. My father passed away 25 years before she did, and was buried close to his parents’ graves.(He was an only child) I buried my mom’s cremains in the same plot her mother’s casket is buried.(She was an only child too) I was told that up to four cremains can be added to a plot that already has a casket. I had a flat stone that matched my Grandmother’s and Grandfather’s headstones with Mom’s name and dates placed on the plot. The cemetery charge was $300 for opening and closing the plot.

If it were me I would leave the place the first wife is buried just the way it is out of respect for her and the people that loved her and then move forward with your own wishes as a couple. Give his brother his own spot maybe near or in your family spot if you want but if your husband desires to be cremated and next to you (and you are ok with that of course) then that’s where he should be so the two of you should go ahead and set that up or make those arrangements together. Your husband is a lucky person to have had two happy loves/lives during his time here on earth and they can both be honored and recognized this way.

If you are both being cremated why can’t you both go into the ground with the first wife You can certainly be creative with the engraving on the stone

You can sell it. Find out the names of other families near that plot and sell it. Make sure it’s okay with the funeral home that owns and manages the property, but it’s a piece of real estate.

I too married a widower and I posed your question to my DH early in our relationship. I had no problem with his being buried with his first wife.

However, he didn't want to be buried with her and we wound up purchasing a plot for both of us and I purchased a headstone years before he passed with our information on it, names, dates of birth and date of our marriage.

Before he passed, he told me to go ahead and cremate him and he gave me permission not to have a wake or a funeral. At the moment, he is on my hearth awaiting my decision of what I want to do with the ashes. I chose The Living Urn and planted a tree, he was supposed to be under the tree but for some reason, I decided not to do that - and the tree died! The Living Urn sent me a replacement tree and if it survives, I can still put my DH's ashes there. But since I have the plot, I can also put him in the cemetery.

There is no law stating that a burial plot must be used. I did put DH's date of death on our headstone and he has his Veteran's Plaque placed at the cemetery - but the grave is still empty.

You don't have to do anything with the existing plot. Follow your heart. It's paid for, owes you nothing, don't let a piece of ground get you down.

If you cannot sell the plot or give it away, why not use it for the both of you together? It isn't like you would be living together! The only other option is to just leave it and find a place for the two of you. Given the cost of burials and plots, I would use what is already paid for, but that's me, cheap cheap cheap!

If the headstone spans both plots, is there room to add your info to it?

Thank you to everyone who gave such thoughtful suggestions. It is a joined plot for both of them so I am not sure about selling it, but we will go to the cemetary to discuss. Hopefully, we have a long time together to figure these things out using your ideas.

The fact that you dad wants to be cremated can simplify things. Ashes can be separated. My mom died recently and we buried some of her cremains in a beautiful box beside my dad and my brother. Some we took to a beloved mountain retreat and planted with a tree and some will go to her beloved garden. And we will keep a little bit with us. So your dad could actually be buried with both his wives in two different places.

You just let that plo,t sit empty and do what you/your husband have decided to do now. When he passes, you might want to pay a headstone company to engrave the date of death to complete what was started years earlier. Clearly no one else will be able to use the old plot since his name is already on the marker, so finish the record. If there is an available plot on the other side of his spot, you could always put his cremains in his spot and yours in the one next to it...unless there was bad blood between the two of them before she passed.

All of this leads me to think that it's best not to purchase a double headstone when a young or middle-aged spouse passes. It seems selfish that one would not want the survivor to remarry. Life happens, and the death of one can greatly change things for the survivors.

I like your idea of burying brother there and changing the name rather than leave a paid for site just empty and having to pay again to bury brother.

If you are believers, you will understand that your husband’s first wife has already seen how happy you have made him for so many years, and that she will be happy for both of your bodies to be with hers. She will also be ready to welcome you both when you join her above.

Your DH has decided he wants his cremains to be with your cremains together. Abide by his wishes. The ex's plot can be used by the single brother if he so wishes.

Offer the plot to someone in the family who can't afford one. Burying his single brother there is also a good alternative and I doubt he will care about his neighbor when he's 6-feet under. You also can sell hubby's part of the plot back to the cemetery. You won't get a lot for it, but it would be a clean break. I think it's bizarre that she had your husband's name put on a headstone.