You don't for awhile. And you relive every moment. What could I have done differently.
You think back on what brought you to,the position to,place him. It would not get better, only exponentially worse. Tell hubs, we have to do what doctor says. Blame it on doc.
I know this is so hard. We all do. We have been where you are. But you have come to a fountain of knowledge and we are glad you are here. We wish under different circumstance, of course, but still...
Dorothy, it is not unusual for a love one to want to come home after only two weeks. Hubby needs time to adjust to his new surroundings. He has to learn his way around which can be overwhelming. All the new faces. New food. New sights and sounds.
I agree with Segoline's post, blame it on the doctor. It is ok to use what is called "therapeutic fibs".
My Dad had sundowners. Every evening he would get into his time machine and go back to the 1940's. Any time Dad would call me, it wasn't easy but I played along with the 1940's routine because it made Dad feel better about what world he was experiencing. Dad was living in Assisted Living/Memory Care.
I can definitely relate. My mother went into a nursing home just over a week ago and when I was there to see her yesterday she begged to come home. All I could do was (truthfully) tell her it wasn't safe for her at home anymore, but she didn't care.
All I can do is hope that with time she'll settle in there and adjust, but she has always been a very negative person and prone to bouts of self-pity and depression. I'm worried she's not going to give it an honest chance. She was amenable to the idea of the nursing home before but I think the reality of it is hitting her harder than she expected now that she's there.
I just keep telling myself that I have done all I can do. I looked after her and her steadily declining health all by myself for years and I just can't do it anymore. It feels selfish sometimes to be relieved that I don't have to deal with her at home anymore but I do honestly believe she is better off there with 24/7 care, whether she's willing to admit it or not, and her doctors are in agreement or else she never would have been accepted there in the first place. If I think about trying to have her at home again it's enough to nearly give me a panic attack.
I'm sure I'm going to struggle with this guilt for a long time, though.
I saw a wonderful Doctor last year (since retired, my loss). He & his wife had been caring for her Mother w Dementia in their home for many years. Granny getting more immobile, sundowners, wandering, resistant to care etc. Constantly either constipated (suppositories used) or diarrhea. His son came to stay & said "Dad, what are you doing!! This is SO hard for you both. Granny would not have wanted to put you through this. Time to think about moving to a NH". And that path was taken. He said they were so caught up in survival mode they didn't look at the bigger picture of 'quality of life' for all of them.
They felt a lot of guilt UNTIL they changed the thought behind that feeling from "we couldn't look after Granny any more" to the new thought of "we are looking after Granny in this way now". The Doctor said this lessoned the guilt & in time Granny settled in (3 months or so). The whole family became less stressed & enjoyed visiting Granny. (She was close by & his wife could visit every afternoon).
The Doctor recommeded I read " Being Mortal" by Atul Gawande. Which I absolutley recommed also.
Sorry to ramble on... in time I'm sure you will both adjust.
you grieve the loss, and the sadness that his care is beyond anyone's capability. He is right where he is supposed to be. It's a heartache many of us have experienced, and one that many will experience.
Thank you everyone for your support...This has been a hard decision for me although I know he needs to be where he is right now..Maybe someday with Gods help he can come home.
Dorothy, has LEAVE HIM THERE!!! Don’t visit so often. Unless you want to be dead before him. He don’t care if you taking care of him makes you sick or is difficult. His only concern is himself. Please take my advice Hugs 🤗
You think back on what brought you to,the position to,place him. It would not get better, only exponentially worse. Tell hubs, we have to do what doctor says. Blame it on doc.
I know this is so hard. We all do. We have been where you are. But you have come to a fountain of knowledge and we are glad you are here. We wish under different circumstance, of course, but still...
I agree with Segoline's post, blame it on the doctor. It is ok to use what is called "therapeutic fibs".
My Dad had sundowners. Every evening he would get into his time machine and go back to the 1940's. Any time Dad would call me, it wasn't easy but I played along with the 1940's routine because it made Dad feel better about what world he was experiencing. Dad was living in Assisted Living/Memory Care.
All I can do is hope that with time she'll settle in there and adjust, but she has always been a very negative person and prone to bouts of self-pity and depression. I'm worried she's not going to give it an honest chance. She was amenable to the idea of the nursing home before but I think the reality of it is hitting her harder than she expected now that she's there.
I just keep telling myself that I have done all I can do. I looked after her and her steadily declining health all by myself for years and I just can't do it anymore. It feels selfish sometimes to be relieved that I don't have to deal with her at home anymore but I do honestly believe she is better off there with 24/7 care, whether she's willing to admit it or not, and her doctors are in agreement or else she never would have been accepted there in the first place. If I think about trying to have her at home again it's enough to nearly give me a panic attack.
I'm sure I'm going to struggle with this guilt for a long time, though.
They felt a lot of guilt UNTIL they changed the thought behind that feeling from "we couldn't look after Granny any more" to the new thought of "we are looking after Granny in this way now". The Doctor said this lessoned the guilt & in time Granny settled in (3 months or so). The whole family became less stressed & enjoyed visiting Granny. (She was close by & his wife could visit every afternoon).
The Doctor recommeded I read " Being Mortal" by Atul Gawande. Which I absolutley recommed also.
Sorry to ramble on... in time I'm sure you will both adjust.
You ARE looking after your DH, just in a new way.