My husband won't use the toilet and only uses his Depends. What can we do?

So what is happening is that his brain is no longer processing what toilet paper is, let alone what it is used for. Because it's on a roll, he can't process that. Get him some wet wipes. But eventually it will be the diaper. We all may get there.

I use the baby wipe warmer too! Much more comfortable and pleasant for him.

My husband has dementia and in the last 6 months has progressively lost his ability to tell if he has to 'go'. For poop, someone mentioned putting him on the toilet after dinner and having him stay 5 minutes. This works most of the time for my husband, but usually he has to stay on the toilet for at least 15 minutes before he starts to 'go'. He will usually protest that he doesn't have to go, and I will have to persuade him, but it's worth the effort to not clean poop!
As for peeing, rather than change Depends several times a day, I put a Depends Booster Pad in his diaper. That way I can just pull out the pad and replace it without having to replace the whole diaper. Much easier on both of us. A little trick: if you don't pull the paper (that covers the sticky part) off the bottom 5 inches of the pad, it will still stay in place but when you pull it out, it will come easily without even having to pull his pants down very far.
I vote whole heartedly for the wipes too.  I bought a 'wipe warmer'.  It's a container for baby wipes that keeps them always a little warm.  My husband was very resistant when I just used tp or cold wipes but doesn't mind warmed wipes.

I am so, so sorry you are going through this. We are at that stage also. With dementia, there comes a time when the brain cannot direct the bodily function. I will deal with it as long as I can but realize that at some point we may have to consider nursing home. It will break my heart but we are only human.

You may want to have your husband visit his physician for a check up. Could be a simple urinary tract infection; a diabetes concern will also increase urinary output or a prostrate problem, only a doctor will know for sure what is going on. Sorry to say but if your husband has a memory impairment it may just be escalating, affecting the incontenence. My brother has ALZ and it was sad to see the start of this and so difficult for him to accept all the changes it brought along with it. I used to say, "My brother is occasionally incontenent," until I was advised by health professionals it's never occasional. They were right, even though it was difficult words to hear, it does get worse. It's overwhelming what to do with everything, clothes, toilet paper, etc. The steps involved in the task of going are many, the where to go a mystery, even if you are not memory impaired, just another travesty of this terrible disease. Redirects and reminders may work for some but my brother's fighting spirit won on assisting with this, nothing worked. Sad to say but there was no "happy moments" it's not potty training a cute toddler. Your patience and understanding will be needed and tested. Your caregiving tasks will magnify and if you can find good help do so and reward them, many lack the "how to" or just don't want to deal with it. Hang in there, instincts take over, love and caring win. God Bless

Zip, I agree with hugemom --- get the wet wipes. At the memory care for my Mom, they requested that family supply them as they were more gentle on the residents skin and worked better! Caregiving memory patients requires lots of flexibility and frequent changes of approach! Different food, different wiping methods, different clothes, and the list goes on. Good luck.

Wow, not to minimize your issue, but changing depends only 3 times a day is a fantacy of mine. Imgo through about a dozen a day with my mom. Mostly urine though. Being a caregiver is the hardest job I have ever had. I know most of you have been at it far longer than I have and you all deserve a spot in the sun! Love to all of you.

I dealt with exactly the same thing with my husband. He has severe mobility issues, and it was just easier for him to "let go" in his Depends than ask to be taken to the toilet. Because of his mobility issues, it was nearly impossible for me to clean him up and he wound up with degraded skin and open sores. He was hospitalized, went to short term rehab and now is in long-term rehab. That was at the end of January, and it has taken the nursing staff of all 3 facilities all this time to clear up these issues. Quite frankly, I know I could have been reported to Adult Protective Services. It was THAT bad. You, your husband and his doctor need to have a frank discussion about this. Warn him before you go that the discussion WILL be an honest one. Don't let him "blow you off" in front of the doctor and act like this is ok, because it isn't. Monitor his diet, also with the doctor's suggestions, to avoid loose and uncontrollable stools. You don't mention if your husband has dementia. Mine doesn't. He felt it was just easier to "go" and let me deal with the consequences. You may want to consider getting a "toilet bench", a bench with a hole in the middle and a sliding pot underneath. Put it near his chair or bed. If he wants privacy, put him on the bench and leave. Get him wet wipes if he doesn't like to paper, but don't flush them. Get yourself gloves like medical personnel wear and use those. You can also use a bedpan which is what my husband is currently using. Toileting is right up there with showering when it comes to the most difficult tasks of caregiving. But there is help and ways to deal with it. Good luck!

I expect he has lost the ability to know when he has to go. The idea of putting him on the toilet isn't wrong, but success is all about learning his natural bowel rhythms. People naturally feel the urge after eating, so getting him to the bathroom a half hour after meals is most likely to be successful. And since he has lost the ability to initiate a bowel movement you will need to convince him to stay on the toilet for at least 5 minutes - literature I've reads recommends 10. Give him a book, play music, for my mother I set a timer. Sometimes it works, and in my book sometimes is still better than never.