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My husband and I, after a year of separation, got back together. He works 7 days a week until dark and now he says he's thinking over moving home with his mom to be her caregiver. She requires a lot of things done. I'm disabled due to many health problems myself . I'm just confused on this. She has too many assets to get help.

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What is your question? Because I have a few:

How is your husband going to 'care for his mother' if he works 7 days a week?

Where is there TIME for your husband to be an elder's caregiver?

Where does that leave YOU in the scheme of things? Living alone after 'getting back together?'

If she has 'too many assets' financially, then she can afford to pay for help HERSELF. That's the purpose of having money; to use it in old age to pay for help. Not to rely on the government to step in and pay for what we ourselves can afford.

Do you rely on your husband to take care of you since you are 'disabled due to a lot of health problems'? If so, where does that leave you?

If your husband wants to get back together with you after a year of separation and then says he is thinking over moving in with his mother to be her caregiver, then it begs the question does he REALLY want to get back together with you?

Sit down and have a real heart-to-heart talk with the man.

Best of luck!
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Well...I guess you know where you stand on his priority list.
I just can't see how any of this is right.
I can't even think of anything nice to say about this.
Cut your losses and when he moves out contact a lawyer and see what the lawyer says. (wait until he moves out and moves into his mothers house. It might be considered abandonment, gives you a better case in the divorce proceedings)
**ok, call me cynical**
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Let him do it. He will find that caring for Mom can't be done with his schedule. You do nothing for her or he won't see how hard it is.
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Countrymouse Jun 2022
I don't think the OP does do anything for the MIL, does she?
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Tell him not to do it I regret becoming my mother’s caregiver Your time and home are never your own again My husband and I have no privacy and we have to plan our vacations around finding care for her If I had it to do over again I would not do it
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LoveScrabble Jun 2022
I'm right there with you, Ckmary. Sometimes I wonder if my mother will out live me. Very stressful.
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It reads to me as though your husband is thinking that getting back together wasn’t a good idea. Moving to mother’s place is a polite way of saying ‘I’m out of here’. What actual care he does is up to him when he gets there. The 'excuse' may also make it easier to change his mind back again - blame it on caring for mother.
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sibling1966 Jun 2022
Yea it reads that way to me also. It sounds like even if he goes to look after his mother as an excuse, will he want to return to his wife if and when the mother passes or it gets to much. Maybe he never intended to make the marriage work second time around after all. This being the case, I hope she has the good sense to get in with her own life.
(6)
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He needs to stay home with his wife and let mommies assets take care of her own ass.
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Tonia722020 Jun 2022
The day may come when you need help and someone will say YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN A*S what a gross thing to say.
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I think that the second honeymoon may be over. Your husband sounds exceptionally unrealistic. I wish you well, but you may be headed back into separation of living spaces and finances.
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What with his mother, his marriage and his double-full-time job that takes all the daylight hours your husband seems to lead a dog's life. I should think he's just as confused as you are, wouldn't you? The poor man can't know if he's coming or going.

What caused the separation?

What did you both agree on when you were reconciled?

Do you both still want the marriage to work? If the answer to that is a strong yes, then help him sort out a better plan for his mother than reliance on caregiving from a son who, with the best will in the world, just can't do the job.
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BurntCaregiver Jun 2022
Country,

You know what so often happens when a grown man's elerly "loved one" needs care.
The caregiving gets put on his woman. If he doesn't have one, he gets one.
The OP needs to have a straight and plain talk with her husband about what he really wants.
Is the reconciliation because his mother needs caregiving services or because he truly wants his marriage back?
Don't think this didn't cross my own mind briefly when I reconciled with my ex-husband. His parents are elderly. He has numerous elderly relatives also. He's a soft heart and always wants to help everyone.
We had a serious talk. We will also have a legal contract made by a lawyer stating that we will not move any family members into our home in order to be caregivers. Also, that neither one of us will relocate and move into a relative's home to provide caregiving.
We're not heartless, but we've put strict limits on what level of caregiving we are willing to help with should family be in need and for how long.
There is also a clause about babysitting and childcare, and also the "taking in" of my freeloader relatives because there's always someone who needs a place to stay. Our house is not available.
We will place our elderly family in care. We will direct family members towards social services for assistance and you find childcare. We're not paying for any of it or doing it ourselves.
My soon to be former ex-husband has seen what being a caregiving slave has done to me and we're not having it ever again.
The OP should ask her husband for a contract like what I'm having with mine. If he still wants to reconcile and save his marriage it will be for the right reasons.
(4)
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If he insists on it, run like hell.

Beware the mommy's boys. There's a reason Norman Bates was single.
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sibling1966 Jun 2022
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Sorry Zippy Dee. The Norman Bates comment made me laugh.
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She only has too many assets for FREE help. She can get help by paying for it.

How does your husband plan to be his mother's caretaker if he works 7 days a week? If he means you are BOTH moving into his mother's house so YOU can do the care taking, say "NO."

If your husband assumes you are conveniently available to help facilitate his plan, you need to make it clear you are not.
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