My husband has dementia and is starting to forget where the bathroom is and starting to have accidents in the house. Is now the time for diapers and then show him to sit on toilet? Thank you.
If accidents are happening, then yes by all means go with Depends or something like that. There should be no shame attached to wearing depends especially when your LO has physical or mental issues that make them neccesary. Asking someone with Alz or other memory disorders to clean up after themselves is just not nice. It's not as if they are doing it on purpose....these diseases are horrible and they only get worse, please remember to separate the person and the disease, hate the disease but continue to love the person they used to be. Blessings to all of you, Lindaz.
Sorry to hear sad news. You want things as easy & stress free for your husband & you. You want to ward off any embarrassing moments. A new normal to strive for is ok.
As a caregiver to my brother with ALZ, incontinence issues were tough on the both of us. He wanted nothing to do with saying good bye to Hanes & hello to Depends. Yes, they are the closest to "normal" briefs. They come in blue or gray, no lacy white, they have a form fit, not baggy. It was a challenging transition, brother/sister a hurdle, but I removed all the Hanes & trudged on. We got thru another hurdle. The Depends is not the best though in avoiding leakage.
Forgetting is part of ALZ, dementia & most memory impairments. No one wants to forget the 1 & 2 stuff, the how to & where to go. The just going anywhere is not going away with instructions. Toddler training won't work.
Understanding & patience, a lot, is my suggestion. It may be time to consider an aide for him, possibly a man, assisting in the a.m. & p.m. routines. This would give you a break as well.
Home interior is a personal choice. Carpet versus floor? Covering furniture? There's less chance of a slip & fall with carpet, so I prefer the industrial stuff for a heavy duty need, it's functional & strong, handles cleaning well. I'm all for covering floors & furniture as well. Remember safety first, especially for floors.
Seek support, this forum is great for asking questions & sharing. Consider help if needed, as his care needs increase, your caregiving will as well. Take care of you. Blessings 🌸
My mom is starting to go through this. She lives in memory care. She can no longer find the bathroom in her room. She has been urinating on the floor and in the closet. She doesn't want to wear depends.
What has been working: Staff puts the depends in her pants and then she puts them on. Also we are going to put signs on the closet and bathroom door. I also think the color contrast on doors or the toilet is a good idea - I heard it works.
All good suggestions. Yes, depends. Pull up and pull down pants, like track suits. I had to put a room divider up in front of my bathtub as he frequently mistook it for the toilet. I have a portable potty next to his bed but he doesn't use it. I leave the light on in the toilet area at night. I watch him during the day. Oftentimes I catch him holding himself, so I take him. You are getting ready to enter the worst phase and so is he. My husband hates having accidents and having me clean him. He is always so apologetic. There will be accidents. I hope you have a walk in shower nearby. And yes, grab bars in toilet and shower. And plastic bed protectors and several sets of sheets. And Clorox wipes next to the bed to clean plastic bed protectors. Thinking of you and wishing you the very best. This is so hard and the incontinence us the worst.
Habilitation(making the environment user friendly for person with dementia) is best route to try. You can't change the dementia, but you can change his environment. All suggestions about color and toilet labeling are great! Worth a try to see what works. Also disposable underwear a" must have " if he accepts.
I find that using the male pads in the Depends makes it easier to do a quick change. You only need to swap out the pad. It is still very important to keep them dry to avoid a UTI. Also learn the trick to change the Depends without taking off his pants/trousers! I agree with everyone, never call them diapers. I use 'underwear' for the Depends and at night, 'nighttime underwear' for the blue adult diapers. A couple years ago when we had to transition to the Depends, I let him put on his boxer shorts over the Depends and then gradually threw them out so they were out of sight and out of mind. Good luck!
All I can draw from is my own experience, pictures just would not have worked in the later stages. She simply did not know, I also bought her briefs and wipes on Amazon seemed to be the best deal.
I believe that would only complicate matters and you would most likely have him crying all the time which is not better. Accidents happen. It helps me to compare my DH to a baby or a puppy when he piddles on the way to the throne. I have covered the couch and his sleep-lift-chair with waterproof mattress covers.
My DH doesn't remember where the bathroom is 50% of the time, but he asks me. He is not yet in depends and he still sits on the throne and handles the paperwork himself. However, he also asked if I thought he needed a porta-potty. Not yet is what I told him, but maybe you do? If so, type in portable potty for suggestions on how to handle the disposal. I never thought of many of the ideas.
Right now my DH is not in depends and when we're alone, not in pants as they tend to complicate matters. His shirts are all long enough to cover.
Your ID is WorkingLady - does this mean you are still working? Is your DH home alone? If he's alone, I doubt any suggestions are going to help as habits form very quickly. I am home with mine 24/7 so my situation is different from yours. Depends would only complicate both our lives and I prefer the simplicity.
Depends are a wonderful item - but I have spoken with too many who say their LO resents them and takes them off all the time. Again, if you're not home, they will not help you. My friends include mothers as well as spouses that are taking off the Depends wherever they happen to be at the time. Not exactly a pretty picture.
I'm sorry to read that you are having to go through this. Making him clean up after himself is cruel as he would not understand the process any more than he understands that he has to use the toilet. And, if he has toileting and memory issues, he would not learn from the experience of cleaning up after himself. Yes, it is time for diapers. There are also urinary incontinence pads made just for men. If he isn't putting out that much urine frequently, pads may be a good alternative. Be aware though that once he starts wearing diapers, like with a child, you will need to check frequently to make sure he is dry. Urine contains acid which can cause lots of skin issues if left on the skin too long. You'll want to also purchase adult wipes. I like the Prevail ones. A caveat-DONT flush them. I get my husband's supplies from Amazon Subscribe and Save. The savings are so-so, but hubby wears large size diapers and Amazon is the best place to find them. Get some barrier cream to keep his skin protected. You can even use diaper creams like Desetin or Pinxav. Good luck to you. Sending hugs!
Would putting up signs be of help? They could say "Bathroom" with an arrow. We tried this with our mother, but she was getting too weak physically to get there soon enough.
It is time, I remember how hard it was. But she just could not either make it in time, or did not seem to know she had to go, she was not a fan but seemed to understand the need and did not fight me on it.
... you don't call them diapers in front of him and you especially do not hand him a roll of paper towels and the Lysol ... that suggestion would never enter my mind with my mother or any adult deserving respect regarding loss of control of bowels or urine... and to be quite frank, it's deeply disturbing to hear someone on here suggest that... that my friends is a form of mental abuse let alone pretty g-d*mn cruel. I call my mothers briefs "the absorbitive undies" ... she's not ashamed to use those words herself. And for a man to have loss of control in those areas is deeply shaming and they are embarrassed even if they have dementia the moments of clarity will eb and flow, so be gentle and respectful with him as he hopefully would have been with you. Constant prompting him to visit the restroom is key. Knowing how much fluid and food and timing that as close to natural function can help you manintain the accidents, it won't stop them, it will just help minimize.
My husband was always very nervous when he had to go to the bathroom (pee or poop). Most of the time he couldn't make it in time. He didn't like messing himself and when I bought some Depends for him, he would only wear them when we were going out that day somewhere. He slowly started using them everyday because it gave him a feeling of 'safety'. He started sitting on the toilet years ago because he disliked standing waiting to finish peeing. LOL......So I was lucky there. I still had to clean his messes now and then but it worked out for us. And by the way, he would call them bloomers! That's the only name he would understand when I would refer to them. (He's 82 years old, in the 6th stage of dementia, and living now in a NH. )
Sorry to hear what is happening. I know its hard to see someone you love struggle. After my dad's stroke that is one of the things he had to adjust to. I bought the Men's Depends brand and it feels like underwear. My dad didn't mind. And he also started to use the toilet sitting down. I also installed grab bars around the toilet to make it easier to stand and sit down. In a way this is keeping him as independent as possible. I hope this works better for him.
Workinglady1940, what ever you do, do not call them "diapers" in front of hubby. Depends makes some good looking grey and also blue toss-away undergarments. They look and feel more like regular underwear.
My Mom finally got my Dad to wear those when she got tired of cleaning up the oops when Dad couldn't make it to the bathroom in time. At first Dad refused. Then Mom handed him the cleaning supplies to clean up his messes. Next thing I knew Depends was one Mom's grocery list :)
If hubby still balks at wearing Depends, tell him that firemen wear them while on the job.
I read where changing the color of the toilet seat can help. Thus no more white on white. Don't get a real dark color as the patient might think it is a hole and be afraid to sit on it. Or if you can still find these, those toilet seat fuzzy covers to try out first, but the seat itself would still be white.
Also read about painting the wall behind the sink and toilet a different color then the other walls also help. I remember the one wall in my Mom's long-term-care bathroom was a dark rose, and the other walls in the bathroom were beige.
People with dementia may be able to use the toilet, they just can not figure out where it is. One strategy is to put a large picture of a toilet on the bathroom door, maybe a large written "toilet" sign also. A light on. Furniture and clutter out of the way so there is a clear path. Etc. I think maybe it was a Alzheimer conference that I heard these ideas, not sure. It is about taking a look at the environment with fresh eyes, say maybe there is a dark hallway to the toilet, then brighten it up so the person can notice the destination.
Yes, it's probably time for disposable underwear. Several good answers here. Try to figure out if he's unable to recognize the urge to urinate, or he just can't hold it long enough to reach the bathroom, remove clothing and go. In the case of my DH, he just can't hold it long enough to get there, undress, etc. So when I see him heading for the bathroom, I help him undo his pants and grab a portable urinal. 90% of the time, that is enough to take care of a potential problem. The rest of the time, the Depends does the job.
Be sure to talk to the doc also. There are medications for some types of incontinence that are ok for dementia patients.
And by the way, get a zipper cover for the mattress, mat for favorite chair, etc., before they are ruined. Blessings, Jamie
He is going to need more supervision. Do you have help?
Yes, it is time for disposable undies and for him to sit on the toilet. It may also be helpful to have him on a bathroom schedule. At this point he no longer has much control once he gets the urge. If you take him into the bathroom every two hours (or whatever seems appropriate) and help him to sit, that might avoid some accidents.
As a caregiver to my brother with ALZ, incontinence issues were tough on the both of us. He wanted nothing to do with saying good bye to Hanes & hello to Depends. Yes, they are the closest to "normal" briefs. They come in blue or gray, no lacy white, they have a form fit, not baggy. It was a challenging transition, brother/sister a hurdle, but I removed all the Hanes & trudged on. We got thru another hurdle. The Depends is not the best though in avoiding leakage.
Forgetting is part of ALZ, dementia & most memory impairments. No one wants to forget the 1 & 2 stuff, the how to & where to go. The just going anywhere is not going away with instructions. Toddler training won't work.
Understanding & patience, a lot, is my suggestion. It may be time to consider an aide for him, possibly a man, assisting in the a.m. & p.m. routines. This would give you a break as well.
Home interior is a personal choice. Carpet versus floor? Covering furniture? There's less chance of a slip & fall with carpet, so I prefer the industrial stuff for a heavy duty need, it's functional & strong, handles cleaning well. I'm all for covering floors & furniture as well. Remember safety first, especially for floors.
Seek support, this forum is great for asking questions & sharing. Consider help if needed, as his care needs increase, your caregiving will as well. Take care of you. Blessings 🌸
What has been working: Staff puts the depends in her pants and then she puts them on. Also we are going to put signs on the closet and bathroom door. I also think the color contrast on doors or the toilet is a good idea - I heard it works.
I believe that would only complicate matters and you would most likely have him crying all the time which is not better. Accidents happen. It helps me to compare my DH to a baby or a puppy when he piddles on the way to the throne. I have covered the couch and his sleep-lift-chair with waterproof mattress covers.
My DH doesn't remember where the bathroom is 50% of the time, but he asks me. He is not yet in depends and he still sits on the throne and handles the paperwork himself. However, he also asked if I thought he needed a porta-potty. Not yet is what I told him, but maybe you do? If so, type in portable potty for suggestions on how to handle the disposal. I never thought of many of the ideas.
Right now my DH is not in depends and when we're alone, not in pants as they tend to complicate matters. His shirts are all long enough to cover.
Your ID is WorkingLady - does this mean you are still working? Is your DH home alone? If he's alone, I doubt any suggestions are going to help as habits form very quickly. I am home with mine 24/7 so my situation is different from yours. Depends would only complicate both our lives and I prefer the simplicity.
Depends are a wonderful item - but I have spoken with too many who say their LO resents them and takes them off all the time. Again, if you're not home, they will not help you. My friends include mothers as well as spouses that are taking off the Depends wherever they happen to be at the time. Not exactly a pretty picture.
Sorry to hear what is happening. I know its hard to see someone you love struggle.
After my dad's stroke that is one of the things he had to adjust to. I bought the Men's Depends brand and it feels like underwear. My dad didn't mind. And he also started to use the toilet sitting down. I also installed grab bars around the toilet to make it easier to stand and sit down. In a way this is keeping him as independent as possible. I hope this works better for him.
My Mom finally got my Dad to wear those when she got tired of cleaning up the oops when Dad couldn't make it to the bathroom in time. At first Dad refused. Then Mom handed him the cleaning supplies to clean up his messes. Next thing I knew Depends was one Mom's grocery list :)
If hubby still balks at wearing Depends, tell him that firemen wear them while on the job.
I read where changing the color of the toilet seat can help. Thus no more white on white. Don't get a real dark color as the patient might think it is a hole and be afraid to sit on it. Or if you can still find these, those toilet seat fuzzy covers to try out first, but the seat itself would still be white.
Also read about painting the wall behind the sink and toilet a different color then the other walls also help. I remember the one wall in my Mom's long-term-care bathroom was a dark rose, and the other walls in the bathroom were beige.
Be sure to talk to the doc also. There are medications for some types of incontinence that are ok for dementia patients.
And by the way, get a zipper cover for the mattress, mat for favorite chair, etc., before they are ruined.
Blessings,
Jamie
Yes, it is time for disposable undies and for him to sit on the toilet. It may also be helpful to have him on a bathroom schedule. At this point he no longer has much control once he gets the urge. If you take him into the bathroom every two hours (or whatever seems appropriate) and help him to sit, that might avoid some accidents.
Is he mobile? Can he walk to the bathroom?