My husband picks at me about my weight, my clothes, etc. Any advice?

It sounds to me like your husband feels very bad about himself. Maybe he fears you'll walk out on him if you don't feel worse about yourself. Criticizing someone is often a way of trying to make them lower than themselves. So what you do is respond by doing things that make you feel better about yourself. Eat healthy and buy that new outfit you look nice in. Get your hair done. Go out to eat or a movie with friends or with your husband if he can go. If you're feeling good and enjoying life, his words will not hurt as much. I'm sorry you're going through this. We marry hoping that our spouses will have our backs. It is always disappointing when they don't.

Abby, ask your hubby to show you the handbook that show what are the wife's duties..... I would be curious what they are, since I didn't get get the book when I got married ;)

Sounds like hubby is angry at himself that he's not there fully for you as a team player. So he's going to vent at whomever is closet to him, and that would be you. Is that fair? Of course, not. If he is able to undress himself then he should be able to find the hamper, or put an extra laundry basket where he usually drops his clothes.

Go on strike, he's going to yell at you anyway, yet you will be in control. You will pick up his clothes and newspapers when YOU feel like it.

Oh beautiful Pinehurst! I haven't been there in years.

So it's time for the mister to go into an adult day program where other people can be his entertainment and focus for a few hours several days a week. These programs frequently have transportation who can come get him at the house and bring him back. He might also benefit from some physical therapy if it's been a while and he looks like he's losing range of motion and mobility (HINT HINT HINT).

You don't get the same person back after one stroke, much less three. And I'm so very sorry. My mom had a big one back in my 2nd year of college and nobody warned me about the personality change and super short temper. She was also going through menopause at the same time and was like a bat out of h3ll.
She's had more since and frequent TIAs that didn't help.

He also needs to see a psychologist to treat any underlying depression that's going on. This is also really normal post-stroke. It's a huge adjustment for a lot of people.

YOU have to do what must be done to keep your husband safe and well, but you also have to look out for yourself. This caregiving situation has evolved into something that sounds abusive and toxic. There is no rule that says you have to suck it up at your own mental and physical expense.

Talk to his doctor privately and if that doctor blows you off and tells you to just let it pass and take a tea break at 11:00, and lie down at 2:00 to calm your lady nerves, find another doctor.

This is not a situation that should be allowed to progress/get worse. Let us know how it's going and what you have questions about so we can help you!

Has he always been mean? Remember that this is amplified with the onset of dementia. You need to worry about your own physical and mental health. Yes, easier said than done, but there comes a point when you have to start to spend time on yourself. Is he bedridden? Can he help with simple chores? Make him a list of simple household chores if he has time to criticize? Can you afford a little respite care from a child, friend or relative so that you can get a day away per week?

And when you go ahead and do leave the house to do something - having made sensible arrangements for him meanwhile, let's say - what's he going to do about it? I bet you can outrun him. Being sympathetic to his disability - I know that didn't sound very sympathetic, but I am actually - isn't the same thing as making it your own.

Also - if he has trouble with the standard activities of daily living, you probably can get some help in the house to assist him, so you aren't assigned to EVERY task 24/7/365. What's he - or anybody else in the family - going to do for him when your back is broken and you've had your own nervous breakdown?

Maybe that's a defense mechanism, stop listening... let him act out without reacting.....see how he handles that. Put him off. Tell him you will do it later...not now, you don't want to.....if it's bothering him so much, tell him to take a nap, lay down a bit, go to sleep.....Just ignore him and see what he does.....

Abby your husband is one very very angry man. angry at the situation he finds himself in trapped in his damaged body. You are his caregiver and the one who is there all the time and the closest target so it all comes at you.
you have not told us anything else about yourselves , age, length of time married, first or subsequent marriage for one or both of you, any kids involved,
financial situation, living situation, VA Vet and most important of all has he always been abusive. it is very easy to jump in and say.Oh you your poor dear he should not be allowed to treat you like that but the fact is you are stuck and you let him. As the saying goes it takes two to tango.and he is setting the pace. There may be all kinds of help for you out there. but telling you to send him to adult daycare,take time for yourself etc etc (apologies to those who made these suggestions they are good ones) but in your shoes I would probably say "Yea right!!!!!!! please come back and tell us more this is a very safe place to vent and many others have "been there done that" Blessings

Garden is right about the isolating mechanisms that controllers use. However if he is now reliant on you after his strokes the transition from fully functioning man to utter dependance must be shattering and he may well be very very depressed. that doesn't make his behaviour right nor do you have to acept it but try to use the same positive reinforcement you would with a child.

Accentuate the positives (time for a song methinks) by engaging when he is nice and eliminate the negatives by walking out of the room when he isn't. Don't let him even finish the sentence. but do mention it to his doc just in case it is depression not an accentutation of who he was before.

And always remember you don't HAVE to stay but if you leave you have to live with the consequences. Some difficult times ahead sweetheart, he is jealous fo your capacity and his incapacity but if you stay strong and don't accept his comments you will be better placed to handle him.
As for duty.... I was gutted when I got married I thought my marriage licence was renewable every year!

VStefans, I think you hit the nail right on the head in your first paragraph. His behavior reminded me of a book I read, either on dealing with difficult people or on how to deal with controlling people (memory fails me right now). Put downs and insults were classic behavior - beittle the person and make him/her feel worthless and bound to the manipulator and controller.