My husband’s dementia has progressed. Everyday there is a new change in his behavior. Recently, he started going to bed with his clothes and shoes on. Tonight, he soiled his clothes and he would still not take them off. His communication is very weak and he mostly doesn’t respond to questions. He can’t tell me why he wants his clothes on. I tried taking them off and he physically struggled to keep them on. I lost that battle! Any suggestions?
How do I handle this situation?
If he doesn't have an infection, then see if they can give him meds for his agitation. If he gets to be too much for you, you will need to consider hiring in-home aids or transition him into a facility for both of your sakes. I'm so sorry you have to endure this situation. May you receive wisdom and peace in your heart as you make decisions. Please take care of your self and not just him.
Get that checked now.. do not hesitate..
it's not a fun infection.
maybe he feels a bit self conscious (?)
maybe, and I'm sure, you have tried everything under the sun, tell him it's okay, he will feel more comfortable after he is clean...
Maybe be strict?;
YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T GO TO BED WITH DIRTY CLOTHES AND SHOES. TAKE THEM OFF NOW, PLEASE! That is not allowed?"
ask him if he wants to remove his clothes himself..
this disease, and it's not JUST THIS DISEASE, it's every disease that affects the brain, the blood that infects the brain, the accidents all the accumulated accidents from years past, the cancers, csn really mess up s persons thinking, and the operations and anesthesia that goes along with operations to fix one thing or another..,brainwork's, etc... I am sorry your are going through this..
try to be calm. Maybe pull
out nice clean ones and say LOOK HIW COMFY THESE ARE!!
Want to try these on?
Do you have skin rash ointment?
abriform pull-ups or tabbed disposables are good.,
my hubs did everything opposite of what I said..
STAND UP.
No!
SIT DOWN:
No!
what are you going to do? You said no to both.
LAY DIWN: No..
😟
sometimes you just let them stew..
I walked out of the room.,,
there were no other possible positions to get him to go to bed.. or whatever the situation was.. I blocked it out..
it's been a while...😥
It has been a long journey. It seems every day now is a new challenge. This man is my best friend and the love of my life. He keeps me on my toes! Still, I wouldn’t have it any other way. He’s home and that’s a blessing.
You hang in there. Take care of yourself.
Call his palliative care neurologist if he is still around..
See what he says..
Your hubby seemed to have outbursts..you don't want to trigger those...
I know you cannot leave him in soiled clothes too long.. if he doesn't cooperate tomorrow, get help.
🙏
When you say his clothes are soiled, do you mean they had urine or feces in them?
If the clothing is relatively clean, I would let him sleep however he wants. That is a battle I would not take on. However, if his clothing or his body is dirty and unhealthy, prepare for the fight. You can try and be comforting and soothing with him, (think of trying to help an injured wild animal) and you may need help. If you can hire an experienced personal care aide to help you physically wrestle him out of his clothes and get him cleaned up, of course as gently to him as you can manage, it still needs to be done.
Tell him, without asking, that it's time for a shower, and change into pajamas. Have some nice, comfy pajamas laying out for him. Lead him into the shower, turn it on for him, help him undress, and be ready to assist as he gets cleaned, dried off and re-dressed. Maintain a calm, pleasant demeanor. If he senses you are angry, frustrated or combative or are forcing him to do something, he will likely refuse. It's instinctive to fight back when we feel powerless and feel forced into doing something.
Now that he's at Stage 7 in memory care, he has a team to assist. It takes three people for showering, and they get the med dosage right. It leaves him pleasantly sleepy for the rest of the day, so he usually has a nap afterward.
As for clothes, he put them on backwards, inside out, put pants on his head and shirts on his legs. Dressing him might take an hour and a half if he was contentious. There was no point in debating this. He didn't understand. Sometimes our wardrobe sessions would end with both of us in tears.
I wish you luck. Keep in mind that though you want him at home with you, it may not continue to be the best care for him. He's the one with the dire need for specialized care, and he needs to be in a situation where he is sure to get it.
My father had FTD and went through phases of never wanting to change his clothes (or shower) and also wearing a heavy parka and woolly hat at all times, even inside or when it was very hot— and another phase where he kept stripping off from the waist down and walking around that way. He never tried to go to bed with his shoes on. Ugh. He also refused to brush his teeth or wash his hands or shower.
A male aide had marginally better success getting him to comply with changing his clothes and shower than my mom or I ever did. His hygiene became dreadful and at one point, my mom was told to take away all his regular underwear and provide only Depends. But he hated them and would just go “commando” (nothing under his usually filthy sweatpants) or naked from the waist down. My mom tried bargaining with him and saying he could not watch a movie unless the Depends were on. It worked sometimes. I know there are anti-strip suits but my mother was never willing to go there.
My mom was instructed to use Lysol wipes on everything he touched.
Best wishes to you — caring for someone with dementia is so tough. I agree with some of the comments below. It may be time to consider placement as he could become even harder to handle and it will take a big toll on you.