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I put my husband to bed at 9 PM. I sleep in another room. I woke up at 4:30 and saw his door closed. I never close his door. I found him in the closet wearing 3 of my nightgown, one on top of the other. I almost passed out from shock. This is a first. He was talking about sex earlier in the day and did take my nightgown out, but I distracted him. He is 84 and seems to be going downhill. Anyone have any idea what this is all about?

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Hugs and don't panic.

Of course I can't possibly know, but I should think this has everything to do with confused signals and memories in his brain and absolutely nothing to do with his being a secret cross-dresser.

That he had put on three, one on top of the other, shows that he was not methodically carrying out some sort of fantasy-related private activity. I'm only guessing, but my guess would be that this is about missing intimacy with you. Would that make any sense, do you think?

How did you handle it? Is he back in bed now?
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joycee1 Mar 2020
Earlier in the day he said he missed the intimacy.
and he kept coming and hugging me and stuff like that. I did get him back to bed. But today we had to go to lawyer to sign wills and he couldnt write his name. He could do it a couple of weeks ago. He couldnt even do his initials, we had to coach him to print his name. This is getting tougher each day. I could barely breath when I walked in closet....so shocked. He was just very confused. What a lousy way to end a life.
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I work in a facility that has a memory care unit with alot of people suffering from dementia and Alzheimer's. It's so difficult I understand. One moment they are talking fine and making perfect sense. Then next they are doing things that are shockingly out of character. It sounds to me like maybe your husband has some sun downing type behavior happening. We also have to remember that we cant pick and choose what part of daily life the mind holds onto. It seems he has held onto intimacy and is just still fighting to go through the motions of what was "normal" previously. The hardest thing for caring for a loved one is you knew them before the disease. It's hard not to want to take their actions to heart because you see just how out of character they are. Just always remember, he didnt go to the closet to pile into 3 of your night shirts. The disease did. Help him out of the situation, try not to emphasize it, and move forward. I am so sorry you're having to see someone you love dearly decline. Are you a member of any local support groups? Also please dont guilt yourself if you need outside help. Caring for these type of disease is harder than anything I have ever gone through. My heart is with you keep your chin up and know you aren't alone.
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Playfulness can turn, and it can turn fast. Dementia and ALZ is not fun.. It looks and seems harmless, which it probably is, but if he ventures towards intimacy, and doesn't work out like he envisioned.. it could go sour.
Get your orders in check, lawyers, financial advisors and doctors.. Get your family on board, take it day by day, hour by hour...
I was going to say have fun, it's harmless.. but then you are dealing with dementia, and brain issues.. these are on a brain by brain basis... No telling what a person is thinking or dreaming...
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This could be an old romantic soul who misses that time awhile ago..
Let him know he is still loved by you... and you care about him..
If you want to dance, then dance. Tell him you still love him and are in love.
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I too feel it is an act of missing intimacy. I caught my Luz walking around the house once wearing my shoes. Size 12 shoe with a size 6 foot walking around the house.
I also found her on the floor a couple of times, where I would lay when she slept on the love seat to watch TV. Hugs and kisses helped to stop those activities.
A couple of times she would snuggle up behind me enough to force me out of my side of the bed. I would have to get up and go around the then get in on her side and snuggle up behind her. She slept very well like this.
I took it all in stride and cherish the memories.
lots of hugs to you.
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I thank everyone for the replies, each day gets harder. He is slipping and we are trying to keep him home. I know you hear that a lot. But as long as we can we will. I miss him and I grieve for him. People are cutting us off and he knows it. Then someone else comes in and takes the place of those who cant handle it. I dont blame anyone for walking away, its not easy to watch. He has been thru 4 heart attacks, open heart surgery, bladder cancer has an ostomy....this is the worst thing out of all of the others. I am finally getting help for me with grief counselor and caregiving help. My son quit his job and moved home. but he can only stay 6 months, so we will go day by day. Thanks for the support, many just dont understand....JOycee
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