My husband has dementia and is very abusive and suspicious. How do I get power of attorney?

You pursue guardianship with the help of an attorney, petition the court for placement and removal of driving privileges. By the way, if your doctor says you should not drive, your license is thereby suspended. So if he gets in an accident with a suspended license, the other driver will sue you for all you have. And they will win.

We had a terrible time with my MIL and driving. She had 2 accidents in the same week. We took her to the doctor and they gave her a test on paper but she passed all the questions. We had talked privately with the doctor before that so she knew why we wanted her to stop. Doctor told her that she needed to go to a Neurologist. It was a doctor that had "no skin in the game". He didn't know us, he didn't know her. She should go, and if the doctor said she was fine to drive then she told us (the kids) we had to leave her alone on the subject. MIL was thrilled with that and set up the appointment while still with the doctor. The doctor spent almost an hour with her and told her there was no way she could drive. Yes, she answered all the questions but she had to stop and think about the answers. It took her almost 5 minutes just to go down the hall to his office. He told her that if a child ran in front of her car, she would run right over that child and then hit the brakes. She still didn't want to give up the keys but we took them from her immediately. She's still mad at us and it's been over a year. But she's not going to kill anyone.

Much cheaper than pursuing guardianship, try first to get him to name you as his POA, go to a lawyer and get the paperwork done. Tell him you should both be each other's POAs, since this is the custom for most married couples. A few months from now, you can quietly revoke your POA. He'll never know unless you tell him. Yes, it's a little sneaky, but it is a lot cheaper and easier than pursuing guardianship, which costs a few grand and requires trips to court.

Go to DMV & get paperwork for doctor. Dr. & you sign it. You fill in reason why he shouldn't drive. Mail it in to where it needs to go. He will get letter in mail stating he needs to take written & driving test. If he doesn't then liscense is automatically suspended. If he takes test you know he won't pass. I did this behind my husband back with dr. Letter came & in my case he voluntarily turn his liscense in. Good luck to you.

We took dad's driving he didn't understand y an still don't if u have change the locks on the car we did it to save his life an who knows who elses

Agingmyself, I've asked an elder law attorney about the situation you describe.

Basically yes, the POA can override the principal (the person who gave POA) if it's a durable power of attorney and if the principal is incapacitated.

Most POA documents are durable. They vary in how specific they are about how incapacity is determined and documented. I've also found that facilities vary in how carefully they check on whether the principal's situation meets the specified criteria for incapacity.

If the principal is not incapacitated, then technically the POA can't override the principal. But in practical terms, I have seen an older person overridden because everyone else went along with the POA's claim that the principal was incapacitated, whereas I was not sure it was still true. (The person had become quite incapacitated during a hospital stay, but recovered a fair bit afterwards.) I suppose a principal in this situation could get an attorney and take legal action, but they usually aren't in a position to do this unless they get help from another concerned family member.

For the original poster: my guess would be that guardianship will be needed, because suspicious people with dementia are either unwilling or lack capacity to assign POA to others. It's a difficult situation that unfortunately happens fairly often.

I doubt your husband cares if he has a valid license. It sounds like it's too late to get a legal POA. Even with guardianship you will have a difficult time managing him. It's good you realize that he needs placement. Has he been prescribed medication for his aggression? Is he compliant with his medication? If he is a danger to himself or others
(and from what you write he is) then you could go to a judge and have him committed for a few days while you get things handled. Find a good elder lawyer to help you begin the process before someone gets hurt. I've read on this site about emergency guardianships being granted. Spend the money on an elder attorney to place him instead of a criminal attorney to defend him and yourself. Take a breath and be safe and take action.

Also you said dr told him not to drive. So you should have dr cooperation. I've used same dr. for many years so since husband stroke he has seen his decline. Have written down what you see at home for prove. Anything with memory or forgetfulness. My husband set microwave on fire over cooking a sandwich. House stunk until we got new microwave.

You can't just go by dr said. Have to fill out papers from DMV. After it is suspended & he still says he's going to drive then you hide the keys well. You will personally be sued & loose everything.

Perhaps the following info will help you. This is info for Texas via DPS.
Report Concerns of Unsafe Drivers

An individual may submit, in writing, their concerns of drivers who may have a medical condition that could affect their ability to safely operate a motor vehicle. All written concerns may be submitted anonymously to DPS (i.e. the document is not required to be signed by the individual reporting the concern).

Verbal notification is not sufficient evidence for DPS to take action. Please provide a detailed explanation as to why it is unsafe for the individual reported to operate a motor vehicle. Avoid personalizing information in the written statement and focus on the facts. Be advised all information submitted to DPS is subject to the Open Records Act / Texas Public Information Act.

Information may be submitted to DPS by mail, fax or email.

Mailing Address:

Texas Department of Public Safety
Enforcement and Compliance Service
P.O. Box 4087
Austin, TX 78773-0320

Fax Number:

512-424-5311

Email:

MAB@dps.texas.gov