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I considered divorce, but cant seem to stand the thought of doing that. How can you leave a sick person who cant take care of himself, my question is how do I go about getting a power of attorney so I might put him in a care facility since he is unwilling to go. I live in texas. also how do I go about getting his drivers license removed and get his car keys away as two doctors have told him not to drive

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What I was thinking about the financial issues is some people have trust issues especially if they've been burned before. This will make anyone not want someone else handling their finances. Another thing is if you have low or fixed income. In this type of case, you sure don't want someone getting ahold of your money and screwing up your regular bill pay for starters. A perfect example is I can put myself in the shoes of someone else and use an example. For starters, I know in my case, I would never want someone else touching my bank account for anything related to my finances since I got my regular bill pay all set up and my check goes direct deposit. I'm guaranteed a steady income and automatic bill pay. I purposely have no one else on my bank account because I would never want anyone going in there and screwing up what I have already set up, I would never want someone else taking over and possibly causing me to lose everything. I don't have very much money, I'm on fixed income and would never want someone else screwing up my rent or other important bills, I just don't trust anyone with my finances. Should I become incapacitated, I know my bills are paid the way I have things set up.

Some people just want to stay in control and they don't want anyone else coming in and taking over. I think with many people it's a stability thing because it takes finances to keep you stable and in your home. It takes finances for food and other basic necessities, and I guess you can say that some people want to maintain control, trust and control go hand-in-hand because these days it's a big risk to trust anyone with your finances, and that's a risk I personally am not willing to take and won't. Whoever becomes this man's guardian better darn well be very trustworthy, it's not easy to gain the trust of someone else where money is involved, people can become very nasty when protecting money and valuables, and that said, I don't blame them, I would also get nasty with anyone trying to gain control over my money and assets. If you think about it, it's really a survival thing as well as self-preservation because without money you're screwed because it takes money to get by in life and to even survive
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Perhaps the following info will help you. This is info for Texas via DPS.
Report Concerns of Unsafe Drivers

An individual may submit, in writing, their concerns of drivers who may have a medical condition that could affect their ability to safely operate a motor vehicle. All written concerns may be submitted anonymously to DPS (i.e. the document is not required to be signed by the individual reporting the concern).

Verbal notification is not sufficient evidence for DPS to take action. Please provide a detailed explanation as to why it is unsafe for the individual reported to operate a motor vehicle. Avoid personalizing information in the written statement and focus on the facts. Be advised all information submitted to DPS is subject to the Open Records Act / Texas Public Information Act.

Information may be submitted to DPS by mail, fax or email.

Mailing Address:

Texas Department of Public Safety
Enforcement and Compliance Service
P.O. Box 4087
Austin, TX 78773-0320

Fax Number:

512-424-5311

Email:

MAB@dps.texas.gov
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He has to be completely not able to take care of himself to commit him. You will need your dr. help for this. I was able to reason with my husband to sign papers making me financial POA. Then I explained I was have one for me too done using my son as my POA. All married couples should have this done in case something happens to the other. Then the healthy spouse has power for all finances without problems from banks or whatever.
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There is a place online you can download & make copies for any legal form. Put in a search and should come up.
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Don't need lawyer for POA. I downloaded form for financial POA. Put his name in & yours as his POA. He has to sign it in front of person who can noterize it. Keep original & make copies. You now don't need his signature for anything. Even if you want to sell your house. Don't need his signature. Has to be noterized to stand up in court.
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You get DPOA and take the car keys away. This is the "in sickness" part of your marriage vows. He cannot be driving as he would have a vehicular manslaughter charge on his record!
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If you can handle the task of guardianship, you'll want to go for that instead of POA because he's going to need more than just a POA, he needs a guardian. If he lays the keys down, wait until he's not looking and either grab them or simply remove the ignition key from the ring as well as the house key. If he gets violent and you happen to be outside, you can lock yourself inside and call the cops from inside. Another thought is to make a police report about the driving dangers and call the BMV and even speak with his doctor who told him not to drive. Get a written statement from any doctors who told him not to drive and take them to the BMV and also use a copy of that note in your police report. I also like the idea of having him involuntarily committed for a few days so you can get anything done that needs done. Hindsight is a good teacher and now I see why my foster dad was hospitalized before a guardian unexpectedly came into the picture and took over, neither of us saw it coming, things just unfolded until whatever happened happened
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I doubt your husband cares if he has a valid license. It sounds like it's too late to get a legal POA. Even with guardianship you will have a difficult time managing him. It's good you realize that he needs placement. Has he been prescribed medication for his aggression? Is he compliant with his medication? If he is a danger to himself or others
(and from what you write he is) then you could go to a judge and have him committed for a few days while you get things handled. Find a good elder lawyer to help you begin the process before someone gets hurt. I've read on this site about emergency guardianships being granted. Spend the money on an elder attorney to place him instead of a criminal attorney to defend him and yourself. Take a breath and be safe and take action.
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Agingmyself, I've asked an elder law attorney about the situation you describe.

Basically yes, the POA can override the principal (the person who gave POA) if it's a durable power of attorney and if the principal is incapacitated.

Most POA documents are durable. They vary in how specific they are about how incapacity is determined and documented. I've also found that facilities vary in how carefully they check on whether the principal's situation meets the specified criteria for incapacity.

If the principal is not incapacitated, then technically the POA can't override the principal. But in practical terms, I have seen an older person overridden because everyone else went along with the POA's claim that the principal was incapacitated, whereas I was not sure it was still true. (The person had become quite incapacitated during a hospital stay, but recovered a fair bit afterwards.) I suppose a principal in this situation could get an attorney and take legal action, but they usually aren't in a position to do this unless they get help from another concerned family member.

For the original poster: my guess would be that guardianship will be needed, because suspicious people with dementia are either unwilling or lack capacity to assign POA to others. It's a difficult situation that unfortunately happens fairly often.
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If husband has dementia, I don't think a POA would be held valid if anyone disputes it.
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I would like to know an attorney's answer as to whether an attoney-in-fact under POA can execute papers against the wishes of the person granting
the POA. I'm sure it happens, but would it hold up in court? For example, I give my husband POA; he puts me in a drug-treatment (or any other) facility against my will and signs
that I agree to stay for 30 days. Legal? I don't think so.
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Much cheaper than pursuing guardianship, try first to get him to name you as his POA, go to a lawyer and get the paperwork done. Tell him you should both be each other's POAs, since this is the custom for most married couples. A few months from now, you can quietly revoke your POA. He'll never know unless you tell him. Yes, it's a little sneaky, but it is a lot cheaper and easier than pursuing guardianship, which costs a few grand and requires trips to court.
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You can't just go by dr said. Have to fill out papers from DMV. After it is suspended & he still says he's going to drive then you hide the keys well. You will personally be sued & loose everything.
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Also you said dr told him not to drive. So you should have dr cooperation. I've used same dr. for many years so since husband stroke he has seen his decline. Have written down what you see at home for prove. Anything with memory or forgetfulness. My husband set microwave on fire over cooking a sandwich. House stunk until we got new microwave.
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Go to DMV & get paperwork for doctor. Dr. & you sign it. You fill in reason why he shouldn't drive. Mail it in to where it needs to go. He will get letter in mail stating he needs to take written & driving test. If he doesn't then liscense is automatically suspended. If he takes test you know he won't pass. I did this behind my husband back with dr. Letter came & in my case he voluntarily turn his liscense in. Good luck to you.
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We took dad's driving he didn't understand y an still don't if u have change the locks on the car we did it to save his life an who knows who elses
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If his doctor will seem him unable to mentally deal with his life u can get a court to do it for u is a congestive test but my spelling sucks my sister had to do it to my fatht
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We had a terrible time with my MIL and driving. She had 2 accidents in the same week. We took her to the doctor and they gave her a test on paper but she passed all the questions. We had talked privately with the doctor before that so she knew why we wanted her to stop. Doctor told her that she needed to go to a Neurologist. It was a doctor that had "no skin in the game". He didn't know us, he didn't know her. She should go, and if the doctor said she was fine to drive then she told us (the kids) we had to leave her alone on the subject. MIL was thrilled with that and set up the appointment while still with the doctor. The doctor spent almost an hour with her and told her there was no way she could drive. Yes, she answered all the questions but she had to stop and think about the answers. It took her almost 5 minutes just to go down the hall to his office. He told her that if a child ran in front of her car, she would run right over that child and then hit the brakes. She still didn't want to give up the keys but we took them from her immediately. She's still mad at us and it's been over a year. But she's not going to kill anyone.
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You pursue guardianship with the help of an attorney, petition the court for placement and removal of driving privileges. By the way, if your doctor says you should not drive, your license is thereby suspended. So if he gets in an accident with a suspended license, the other driver will sue you for all you have. And they will win.
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