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He became aggressive thinking I was hurting him. I could not talk him down.


It lasted about half an hour. Held me down , would not let me up.


Afterwards had no memory of what had happened.


Doctor prescribed Divalproex ER 250 mg tab.


Suggestions for any other meds.


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Hello, this is a very tough road, I am going through the same thing. My husband's doctor has prescribed Quetiapine tablets, 50 mg. 1 in the morning and 1 in the evening and now he is taking 2 in the morning and 2 in the late afternoon around 4 or 4:30. He may have started with a lower dose and (25mg?) and then increased the dose as needed. Also, he has a patch placed on his shoulder every morning it is Rivastigmine Transdermal System 9.5 mg. With this patch we had to work up to the 9.5mg. He started with half that amount. He sleeps more with this medication, but is so much better now that we don't have the agitation and the threating behavior. Good thoughts for you.
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mikeathome: He now requires residence in a memory care facility. As we are not medical doctors here on the forum, we cannot attempt to suggest a medication; that must come from his physician.
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You should call 911 and have him transported to ER at any time that he is trending toward violence, abuse. When you get up from
" being held down" call 911 immediately and without hesitation to come transport him to ER. You are unsafe and he is unsafe to himself and others.

Now for your medication question, call his PCP immediately and, make the PCP aware of the change, the aggression and, have PCP give you directions.

Get help !
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The meds are often the problem! Find out all the medication he is on and tell them you want to try something else since it is causing him to be aggressive. That happened to my father when the put him on a drug for his stomach. He was very sensitive to it. They give patients far too many drugs! Do not let them put him on anti-depressants or sleeping pills especially if he has dementia. There are many natural things you can do to stop the anxiety.
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LoopyLoo Aug 1, 2023
DO NOT TRUST “NATURAL” REMEDIES. This is very poor advice. And it’s rather infuriating, because the “never let them take meds!” fallacy is what helps keep elders (and their families) suffering when they don’t have to!

Unless you’re chewing on a plant, nothing you take is “all natural”. Any so-called natural remedy is way more risky than a prescription. You have no clue how it will react and these manufacturers aren’t beholden to any CDC guidelines. Natural does not automatically mean safe… poison ivy is natural but bad for people. OTC and prescribed meds have to undergo testing for years before they’re made available to prescribe to anyone.

It’s true that a medication can do well for one person and not another. That is the trial-and-error aspect. The goal is not sedation; it’s symptom management. Why would anyone deny that to an elder who is mentally suffering?! It’s just as cruel as telling someone with diabetes to just try to get along without insulin. Depression and anxiety are illnesses, just like asthma or COPD or dementia.

I’ve read posts here concerning an aging parent’s depression, and some of the replies I see are so uninformed. Suggesting “take them outside to look at pretty flowers!” or “play music they liked!”. While such actions can be beneficial, they do not treat the issue.

And yes, there ARE many things to treat depression and anxiety. They’re called medications.
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Trazadone really helped my mom !!
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I hear you are frightened. Had he been taking the medicine before or after the episode? If before, you need to tell the doctor it isn’t working. If after, you need to give it some time( usually 2 weeks) to be in his system. Perhaps, in the meantime, you need an emergency pendant or similar that you can press for help if you are in danger.
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As you probably saw, your husband had strength you didn't know he had. It can take a month before Doctors find out if a med works or doesn't. Its hit or miss. You husband need to be placed. You can't hope it does not happen again. The next time he could hurt u badly. I so hope you told his Neurologist what happened. Definitely call the police if he gets violent again. Tell them he cannot come back to your home, that your afraid of him.

Then see an elder lawyer about having ur assets split up. DHs half will go for his care in a LTC facility. I would not even consider an AL or MC. They are not equipped to handle someone like this. DHs half goes towards his care and when gone, you apply for Medicaid. (Make sure the facility has Medicaid beds) Once DH is on Medicaid, you become the Community Spouse remaining in the home, getting enough or all of your monthly income to live on, and one car. I am just giving you the basics, an Elder Lawyer can take you through your State Medicaid criteria.
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anonymous1732518 Aug 1, 2023
OP did not give background, was he being washed, helped to use the bathroom, being dressed or having his hair brushed, etc

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I meant to add call rescue and get him to a hospital for evaluation.

Get a life alert or a similar product for your safety.
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Oh no that is not good at all. Not sure your husband's age or diagnosis or how long he has been on his med. They often take a while to start optimal relief. At every episode make his doctor aware.

My aunt 94 just started Quetiapine for confusion, agitation & paranoia. She has senile dementia & insomnia. It started helping her in the third week.

Be careful for yourself. He could hurt or kill you not meaning to. Sleep in a safe, locked room at night.
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You may recall the story of the husband with dementia in New Mexico who is accused of killing his wife before Thanksgiving.
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Yup... you just need to do what you need to do... and tell his doctor he needs to be placed. Nobody knows what you know or went through.

He held you down for 1-1/2 hours? 90 minutes? That's enough right there. He says he has no memory...

This is not a good situation. My friend's hubby got ALZ. He was THE MOST GENTLE PERSON.. until ALZ... He got violent. He was in a AL, he got violent, and the facility called 911 had him removed before they even called her.

Yes, your time to move him in a facility was that day he held you down for 90 minutes... Now is the time to move him...

Do you have other family members around? You may need emotional backup support... Noting wrong with that. validation...
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He’s beyond needing meds. He needs memory care. He’s gotten worse than you realize.

Keep any knives or sharp objects out of his reach. If you have pets, re-home them or guard them with your life. There is no telling what he is capable of now. He’s not the same person you knew anymore, sadly.

Call 911 if this happens again. You HAVE to, for both of your safety.
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Please look at this as what it is - a physical attack on you. He is demented. You wouldn’t continue to be around anyone else who had done this to you. The fact that he’s your husband no longer matters. He could kill you next time.

Put all knives and guns where he can’t reach them, out of the house if possible. Be aware that he doesn’t need a weapon to hurt you. He’s now the weapon.

Some things can’t be fixed by medicine. This may be one of them. I hope you will be okay.
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I agree with those who say if it happens again (and this includes just verbal threats of violence, not just hands-on) that you call 911. They will get him into the psych ward without u having to deal with him. That's where you can discuss alternative meds. Make sure you forcefully tell the hospital that he's an unsafe discharge, this way they might keep him longer until a solution is found.
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The place to trial meds is from the safety of a Senior Behavioral Facility or Psychiatric unit. Not a private home with knives, scissors and blunt objects.

I would not hesitate to call 911.
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A case I know of, similar issue with dementia patient - doctor said that they’d try meds but that there are some issues that should be dealt with through law enforcement. And not to hesitate to call the police.

I suggest the same to you.
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This isn’t safe for you, and you matter too. If meds aren’t calming the behavior and you’ve checked with hubby’s doctor for alternatives, then please decide for him to live somewhere safe for you both. I wish you both peace
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“Suggestions for any other meds.”

Only a doctor should make meds suggestions, you know that.

If it’s all too much, danger to self/others, call 911. Today sounds very dangerous.
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