Husband with frontal temporal dementia recently has started accusing me of physical abuse. Any advice?

I found this article here on Aging Care that will give you some insight and some suggestions https://www.agingcare.com/articles/How-to-handle-alzheimers-disease-lying-144204.htm

I remember when my Mom had dementia and she was living in long-term-care, she told me how my Dad would hit and punch her. I knew that never happened as my Dad has always been a kind gentle soul who never ever raised his voice. It did rattle me hearing my Mom say such things, but that is how dementia works at times. Eventually Mom stopped saying these things. And I never told Dad what she said, as he was sad enough that she was in long-term-care.

Thank-You freqflyer. It is distressing to hear him say those things and hopefully this will pass.

Wish I had advice but am just writing to say I can totally relate. My husband (71) had Parkinson's and frontal lobe issues with impulsivity etc. Mentally he was sharp as a tack with a much better memory than I have but this impulse issue was out of hand. No one seemed to see a problem because he was so enjoyable to talk with. I obtained access to his email so I could try to stay one step ahead of him and expenditures after his believing Nigerian scammers were madly in love with him and then sending them money. Well wasn't I surprised one day to see him write to the Seniors Center to tell them to beware that I was planning to kill him and take all his money and they should notify proper authorities etc. I waited for the other shoe to drop but nothing came of it. Perhaps because he also wrote asking the director to sleep with him! Good grief. This was a second marriage for me and I have a moderate retirement acct. and though he had plenty of money prior to our paths ever crossing, he didn't have a penny to his name other than his SS check and VA disability. i think people working in these services understand these things though the must investigate at times. He also called elder abuse on me because I wouldn't give him the car keys. He used a walker and fell all the time. But since he was always quicker than I at times at recalling the date and so forth they wouldn't acknowledge a problem. It is beyond nerve racking.

I also can identify with this issue, and boy am I glad to have read freqflyer's link! Dad's neurologist just said Dad had fronto-temporal dementia and difficulty with executive function, which we took to mean impulse control and moral evaluation. (Dad is sexually inappropriate.) That link gave us insight to another feature of FTD, which is lack of empathy. That's what's going on with Dad. He has no empathy at all, for anyone. He only cares about how things affect him. So when he hits on me, his son's wife, he doesn't think about his son. He doesn't think about me, or that I don't like his suggestions or that I'm annoyed and creeped out by his behavior. If I point that out, he just looks offended and says, "Why not? It wouldn't hurt anyone." So finding out about that lack of empathy really put his condition into perspective. He's quite manipulative if he thinks he can get what he wants.

To phizphiz, maybe that's part of what your husband has going on. He wants something, from you or other people, and thinks these accusations will get that for him. There could also be confabulation going on. He may believe these things if they fit whatever scenario is playing in his head. You can't change his mind about any of it. (Dad thinks he and I are lovers, or were lovers and should be again. It's beyond weird.) This behavior is hurtful and difficult, but I can guarantee people who have dealt with this kind of dementia have heard it all before. This is a good support group if you need to vent sometimes. Don't be afraid to confide in a good friend as a means to get back on track. *hugs*