I have always found this forum to be an invaluable wealth of information for me in my caregiving journey, and I'm hoping you can help my friend also.
She is 85, he is 91. She and her husband moved their son and daughter-in-law into the house years ago so they could be there for them in case care was needed. They built a beautiful 2nd floor for them to live in and took out a second mortgage to do it. The husband is now diagnosed with kidney cancer and is getting up at night every hour on the hour to go to the bathroom. He has to wake his wife up so she can unlock the bars that were put on the bed to prevent him from falling. She then has to accompany him to the bathroom and make sure he doesn't fall as balance was an issue even before the cancer and he has fallen a few times in the past.
My friend is so tired. She's not sure how much more of this she can take. Her wish is for him to live at home as long as possible. Because of his age, chemo and radiation are not an option. In addition, she's hiding her tears and her anguish from her son, daughter-in-law, and husband. He asks "What's wrong with me?" She tells him, "you'll be fine" and then, when she can get alone, she cries. They are going next week to see if he is a candidate for hospice. They do NOT have medicare because they rejected it in favor of a different insurance when they were 65. They also don't have Medicaid. They are 50% owners of the house with their son and daughter-in-law.
I personally think the son should take a night sleeping with his father so that his mom can get a good night's sleep. I'm starting to worry about her. Being sleep deprived at a time when she needs to make some hard decisions is not helping.
She has been with this man for 70 years (since she was 15). I cannot even imagine what that feels like.
What can I tell her?