Whenever I don't agree with my husband; who has dementia, he gets angry and threatens to get a divorce or say he wishes I would. He refuses to see a doctor.

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If he wants a divorce, say 'go ahead, file for one!' That would be interesting to see how far he gets..... Chances are he'll forget all about it soon after. I would try to get him on some calming medication. Tell the doctor YOU need him on some calming medication.
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Jazzy2: Sounds like a plan, but what happens if that key goes missing and it was really the real key?
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When my husband could no longer drive, I got a key from the dealership that looked just like his car key but was inoperative. I switched them and he just assumed the car was broken. I kept telling him I would get it fixed. It is so hard but my husband is at end if life and honestly, I wish I had those days back. Eventually you can laugh at a lot of it.
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You don't get a divorce over one argument. I would get an psychiatric appointment for him whether he likes it or not. You're the lucid one.
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You have received many excellent answers.
My husband also wanted to divorce me whenever I disagreed with him. He is 84, I am 74. He is very physically active.
May 2015, I announced to him that I was accompanying him to his routine physical checkup. I gave his primary care VA physician a list of concerns. She promptly performed a mental exam, got an MRI of his brain, lots of lab and xrays, and a diagnosis of Vascular Dementia was documented.
He is now using the Exelon patch and taking Prozac. Of course this has not cured him. But it has helped make daily living more tolerable.
Here are some things that I found through trial and LOTS of error that are currently working for US:
I do not have to be right about ANYTHING . EVER.
Online banking.
I fix his pills in one of those weekly pill box containers. He was VERY resistive to this ("...I have always done it myself..." he says).
I do the driving except to church and the walking park--both very close by.
I have 2 apps on my phone that give me the location of his phone. He is good about keeping his phone on his belt and charged up. I had to go find him in another town. He got lost.
The only incoming phone calls he gets are from me, his children and my children. All other incoming calls have a SILENT RINGTONE. He is OK with this.
I am always within 30 minutes of being at his side.
The other day we experienced a confusing 5 hour marathon when he could not get it straight in his head that it is his GREAT GRANDSON who is getting married soon, not his GRANDSON.
exhausting.
What's in it for me??
After that marathon, he came up to me, hugged me and kissed me and said, " I love you. You are my best friend."
Lots of prayers helps. God cares.
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If it's obvious that he does have dementia, don't bother to argue with him; just make a noncommital answer and go on.
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I thought of an idea for the finances. Since he has dementia, get a written note from his doctor that he's incompetent. Take that to your bank and have his name removed from the bank account. You can also have the bank block or limit his access to the account if you must take complete control of the finances. Now, set up online auto bill pay but from your end, and don't let anyone gain access to your account. Now setting up online bill pay will require the names, phone numbers addresses and account numbers to every person you pay each month along with the amounts. Set these up one by one on your online banking. If you don't have online banking, you can sign up free through your bank. All you need is a username and password that only you know but something easy to remember. That will allow you to ease the burden of controlling finances by setting up online auto bill pay along with the frequency of how often each bill comes out. As for the rent though, you may not have an account number for that, but you can make up one. You can use something like your house number and the creditors or landlord's house number as the account number, you can even do it in combination if you need a certain amount of characters.
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Yes, grab the keys but only if he hasn't grab them first as what's described here. It sounds like he's already got the keys and how do we know he doesn't keep them on him? I would contact the BMV but I would first contact the cops and make a police report. Where I would start in this is to first set up a hidden camera and record everything. You can then use that as evidence that something's occurring. If there is any small chance you can get a hold of the keys when he lays them down, go ahead and grab them but hide them somewhere, it's even better yet if you can have them hidden somewhere on you. If you wear a fanny pack, you can put the keys in there. If you have deep pockets, put them there or even in your boot if you wear cowboy boots. What I would do is just go for the ignition key and remove it from the ring so there's less bulky to carry. Another idea is to also go ahead and remove the house key if this is the only copy. If he becomes violent outside, you can run inside and lock the door and call the cops from inside. The idea is to have him out in the open so the cops can pick him up
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The driving situation is tricky with people who can no longer drive safely. My dad didn't have memory issues, but did have driving deficiencies; my brother and I kept the keys away from him as much as we could. Someone with memory issues is not going to remember that his license is gone, so find out how to pull the coil wire (if the car is old enough to have a central coil) so that even if he finds keys the car won't run.
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Take the keys away, contact DMV for an opinion on his driving capability, if he doesn't pass a test then DMV will take away his license.
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