Follow
Share

For the last 2 years, my husband with FTD has clearly communicated that he does not want to speak with his family. Of course, they think that I am the one keeping him away. Despite our POA and Nomination of Guardianship docs in our Revocable Living Trust signed years ago when he was well, I had to fight a cruel court battle to keep my beloved husband of almost 30 years. After years of ignoring him, and now that he cannot protect me, especially with an inheritance coming, the greed has reared its ugly head. His family continues to disrespect my rights as his wife and insist on seeing him on their terms. They have tried to secretly get his signature before. I cannot justify putting him in that stressful situation when he does not want to see them. What's worse is, that others are telling me that his family should be allowed to see him. They say that once they see how ill he is, they will leave you alone. I know better. The last time he saw them, he was so agitated that he walked out of the ALF and walked 5 miles home. I'm so grateful that he wasn't hit by a car, suffered heat stroke, or otherwise got injured. Since then, I cannot be out of his sight or he will walk out to find me. And how can I trust someone to take him to them knowing full well that after a couple of minutes, he will walk out and start for home. How can I, in good conscience, stress my husband and put him in danger of leaving? And how can I get people to stop pressuring me to do that? How can I get people to respect his rights, if not mine? I am completely exhausted and depleted. My last reserves must last to keep him safe. Can I get into any legal problems since I am his court appointed legal guardian responsible for not only his physical health, but also his mental wellbeing. Anybody have similar experiences or thoughts? Much appreciated.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Dee, keep them as far away as possible. If they show up, call the police to remove them. Your lawyer can send them a "cease and desist" letter.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I showed the court 18 months of his cell phone records with not one call from them to him. At that point, they stopped saying that they called all the time. No calls for his birthday, holidays, etc. They sent cards every few years. They are now contacting my lawyer to try to get me let them see him. He is no longer in the ALF. He is with me at home. That's why I'm so tired. She feels that they will visit this last time and stop. That's why I say, I know better. I just don't want him in discomfort or in danger. He has been in both with them. There is no one who can keep from from walking away. Why should he pay for their guilt? I also took care of his mother with Alzheimers for over 10 years because they refused to do so. And they didn't visit or call her either. Unless someone can say that the law requires it, I cannot do this to my vulnerable husband.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Are they communicating in other ways such as sending cards, letters, a phone call or sending treats to show they care? Tell them they can talk to him by phone, send well wishes, pictures etc and maybe he will warm up. If they are only badGering and it leaves him drained and agitated by their visit then tell them no and why and leave it at that. You do what is right for you and your spouse.

If you are concerned, ask that they come to dinner in common dining room for a short visit and or have a supervised visit where facility nurse or social worker is present. You stay away and give them time with dad, if it isn't pleasant then no more contact in person. They can show dad they care and love him in other ways.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I might discuss the matter with your attorney. Perhaps communicating through an attorney would be less stressful for you. And they may feel less frustrated if they have a way to communicate. It sounds like they are slow to understand your position. I'd keep notes, dates, anything that you would need if they try to litigate this.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Hit ignore So they can not leave a message
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

How are they contacting you? Don't answer the phone when their name comes up. Hit ignore on your phone so they can leave a message. Don't open their mail . Don't answer the door if they stop by.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter