Husband is afraid of the man who is bathing him at the nursing home. Any advice?

Follow
Share

My husband, Bill, is at that point in Alz. where he is between reality and the unknown. He is in Rehab after his fall on Easter Day and ending up in a Shock Trauma Hospital. He is recovering from those injuries. Beginning to make some sense again. He is afraid of the very large man giving him showers in the morning. He says he is very gruff and orders him around, makes him strip naked. Well of course he has to do these things but so many of the patients there are much worse than Bill. He understands that so many of the patients are out there. He calls them crazy. Many can't talk or speak only gibberish. While we sat in his room and watched a baseball game on TV, at least 6 patients wandered in and out. One came in and had a bowel movement in his bathroom and left. She did not flush and left a mess. Another was crying and doesn't speak at all. It was upsetting to me and surely to him. He started to cry and said, " I wanted to kill myself before you got here. Bill is normally very pleasant and happy. I have never heard him talk like this and I have never seen him cry in 37 years except at a funeral. I want to bring him home and think I will next week when some work is finished at my home. It will not be so confusing at home by then. I know you are going to say leave him there. But he does understand much more than the other patients. I feel like he won't be at that point for another year or maybe 6 months. I want him to be happy above all. Well looks like I just answered my own question. I am asking God for guidance in this tough situation.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
23

Answers

Show:
1 2 3
Praying for God's Presence in all of this. I just want to honor the man who showed me so much love throughout the last 37 years. He is saying I love you again every time I leave him at the home. We will get through this! I am gathering support from other sources.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

God be with you wamna, I hope your strength holds out.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

My husband is coming home on Friday. I just checked out a day care center. He will not refuse other caregivers because that is part of my leverage of bringing him home. He still understands that much and knows I will not ever allow him to be alone again. I have an alarm system on my house that will go off if he tries to exit during the night and will wake me up. So far he is a really good sleeper. Sleeps from 8PM to 7 AM solidly. I hope that remains the same for a while at least. He has been in the secure unit because of wandering off that one time and getting himself into big trouble. Most of the patients are really bad and many do not talk at all. Some just talk gibberish and babble. My husband says, "These people are nuts!" And then he said,"I guess I am too." I said, "No, you understand most of what I say." He knows he wants out of that particular unit.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

So glad to hear you got hooked up with the VA. They saved our lives. My husband is a Korean War vet and receives all his medical care at the VA here in Madison. They set him up with a wonderful day care and cover the entire cost, except transport. He goes 4 days a week,7 hours a day and he gets two baths. Because I can still take care of him nights and wkends, this has kept him out of a NH, at least for now. If your husband served during war time, even if he didn't go over seas, ask someone about a" war time pension" It even includes a salary for you as caregiver. Good luck and God bless you both.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This is for everyone who has someone afraid in a nursing facility.... Check in to it thoroughly and I'm not kidding. People do bad things to others sometimes when your not looking
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I want to make a couple comments based on my experience with my Dad. First is, these dementias ARE nutty and I notice that my Dad has days where he makes a lot more sense and has more awareness, and then other days, he is not with the program the entire day. Just be aware, that bringing him home may need to have a plan for some kind of care giving in the home. If I were in your place, I would start with a minimum plan, just to have an agency/caregiver on board, because 24/7 is a LOT for one person to do, especially as he gets worse, or if he has good days and bad days. Better for him to understand that the helper coming is part of bringing him home to stay....that have to go through the fight I had to go through to get a helper being acceptable when needed more and more! And my second thought is, YOU need to plan how you will care for YOU! I SOOOO wish my Dad could be at home, but my mother has her own dementia and they never got along well anyhow....so she is not able to be his caregiver in their own home. Both refused help. It was a fight. Mom is still home alone and still refuses help....she only wants 'family' there. I live 5 hrs away, with husband and business and no siblings left. So, bring him home with a caregiver plan even if only a couple hours per day. Use that time for YOU...to get away, run errands, see a friend, keep a medical app't for you, whatever. Hopefully he will or is sleeping well at night still, so you at least get your rest at night! But to walk this walk, 24/7 all by yourself will be difficult!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

On second thought I would support the persons that suggested you look at alternatives, maybe since you want to keep him home as long as you can then look at hiring someone to come in an hour or two either in the morning or evening, which ever is preferred for the daily bath etc. Maybe use that time for a nice brisk walk if possible….good luck, there are no easy answers.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

When my husband gets to that point, I might just hire a stripper to give him a shower while she wears her work clothes. (LOL)
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Ask to have another care giver do it and see if there is a difference .
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Look for a smaller Rehab placement. I would want the doctor to say he is physically ok to bring home before doing that. It sounds to me like he is in a unit that is for those who are very impaired. The staff should know how to deal with folks on various levels, but it does not sound like they do. Yes, talk to the supervisor that the bathing nurse is too large and too gruff sounding to your father. They probably have a big man assisting secondary to lifting issues. (I used to be the big strong girl, now I have a bad back.)
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

1 2 3
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions