How would you all handle this? Daughter kicks mom out of her house, doesn't speak to her, then calls Medicare?

redroseman, the only person whose behavior you can control is you, and it sounds like you are doing a splendid job of that!

I don't think I will recover as when I went out to get vegetables for Christmas dinner, I was driving up the street there was a car pulled over on the corner and she was checking her telephone. I got mom out of bed as the priest from church was coming to give her communion and when he came in she smiled like it was santa. When she held his hand she said that he "could be her daddy that his hands were so warm". After he left I continued to sit and when mom was done, I cleared her plate and asked her if she wanted to go sit on the sofa. She said the only thing she wanted to do was to sit at the table with me and have coffee. Then I moved her out to the family room, and we watched Love Story with the Christmas Tree lights on,and then when it was time for bed, I walked her room and put her into bed. I tucked her in and she grabbed my hand and said" do you know how much I love you!" I looked back and replied the same. YET, there are people so cruel that they would make a false report to APS and this is the same daughter that kicked her out and hasn't spoken to her in 4 years; and a the other daughter who comes once a year and shows no affection towards her mother but neither sent a gift or card. OH, and the former daughter in law (my brother passed) who is also the one who said the gate was tied and she couldn't get in sends mom a christmas card with the name of moms dead dog that was hit by a car 3 years ago!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Redroseman,
That was hard, huh?
Are you recovering yet?
Stand your ground, I know it would be impossible not to worry.

Let us know it anything else comes up.

So sorry that your sister has made herself look worse than before!
Since by her actions, she demonstrates such ignorance and hostility, I would consider her to be an enemy. As family, she may have a key?

Good for you for making APS get a card!  

Now take out the trash.

Enjoy your ice cream with Mom.

TODAY WAS THE DAY! As mom was still sleeping I got a knock at the door and she didn't give me her name but wanted to speak with mom and at least see her. I asked her for a card, and she didn't have one on her so she had to walk back to her car and get it. Indeed she was from the (New York) County Department of Social Services-Adult Services. She would not give me the name of the person requesting the visit--never going to find that out. Of course she got to see mom in her own bed sleeping away; but wanted to know if I needed assistance; but was quick to comment how beautiful the home is and if I had a housekeeper! NO. She asked when I get a break, and I said after dinner when I make mom her ice cream cone and we watch TV together. She mentioned that if we needed it, we could apply for food stamps! Really! She asked if there were any other family members, and I mentioned that they both live on the other coast, and one hasn't spoken to her mother in 4 years, seen her mother in 4 years, and kicked her mother out 4 years ago; and the other one comes back once a year and stays for a week, and returns home. This is a person who despite face to face request to just share a cup of tea, this person has never made it happen.

What have others experienced and what are these people capable of and what have you all done?

Yeah, this whole thing makes no sense at all. Medicare doesn't do home visits and a professional wouldn't act the way you're saying the caller acted. I got a home visit through my Blue Cross/Blue Shield Medicare Advantage provider, but it was all planned in advance with me.

What did your caller ID say about the person who called you? Google that phone number to see who it is. Call them back and see who answers. You've been played by your sister. Just ignore her in the future. She got you all fired up, which was her goal, evidently from what you're saying.

I bet the woman who called from "Medicare" was a friend of psych sis doing her a favor!. Did you happen to get the phone #? does your phone store them. If you can call that # and ask who the hell she is and you will be calling the police because of her harassing phone call.

I don’t understand what your sister’s point is for trying to cause trouble. Does she want to become Mom’s  caregiver? I agree that it’s not Medicare who is calling you. If it is a put-up job by Sister, she and her minion are not very knowledgeable about the Medicare system. Be very, very careful about what information you give to anyone who calls. Tell them you want to speak to their supervisor. When health care sign up was in full tilt, I got hundreds of calls each week. One agency called every 1/2 hour for an entire weekend, from 8AM to 10:PM. Whenever anyone from there called after that I asked to speak to their supervisor and it was an immediate hang up.

BarbBrooklyn, I have already had this in the house with "willcare", but knowing this daughters character and the fact she has nothing to do with her mother, calls and makes allegations that people are being prevented from coming in do to a rope between links on a chain link fence to protect their mothers dog, and then to call and laugh as she is saying it, "they are coming to the house and she will be spending her holidays with her grandchildren"; just put into place that this was more a narcissistic effort by her to get a report that would show any form of inadequacy and then run with it.

There is a program through Medicare that pays Physicians and Nurse Practitioners to make house calls. Was the person who called offering your mom medical checkups at home?

That would certainly be beneficial, yes?

Um, I think you've been trolled.

In the meantime, you should be putting up more twinkle lights!

( Movie reference-You've Got Mail!)

Who was the contact person. Do you have a call back number? A Name? A title?
Did you give her any identifying information?

W h o was that person? Calling on the phone to address the dog issue?
A professional person does not become disgusted and hang up the phone without a resolution to her call?

You could have been discussing your Mother with a friend of socio-sis. Please be sure who you are talking to! Tell them to go ahead and send out whomever they want, and to bring I.D.

You will be okay. From what you said, I hope so! All this over a gate?

Way to go RedRose!!

OK folks, here it is. I received a pleasant voice mail yesterday from this sister who said she was on her way to work, and we would talk later. Within the hour I received a call from a woman who said she was from Medicare and said she was just making a call to let us know she was on her way. I asked her what she was talking about because I did not request the service. I asked Her who made the request (knowing who it was) and she said she didn't have that information. I asked her to get it and call back. She confirmed who it was, and at that I advised her she would not be coming in the house and if she was aware who the person was who made the request. She said she had special instructions that they may need help untying the fence out front due to mom's dog. I brought it to her attention that the person who made the request kicked her mother out 4 years ago and has had no contact in that time; and to make matters worse lives 3,000 miles away and has not seen her mother in 4 years. Her reply, "oh my god, why would anyone do that!" I advised her that I have been the live in full time caregiver for my mother and am the holder of the POA, Health Proxy, Executor and that no assistance is needed and the reason I am here is the actions of this daughter. She asked to confirm that indeed they did not live in the state we live in, and I confirmed where they live. I educated this person that the reason this daughter is doing this is to have a report in hand that would show any lack of care where she would take that and run with it; but do so in the facade that she was caring. The person who called was so disgusted she said goodbye and hung up the phone. We never received a call last night. WHAT NEXT!

Your sister is mentally ill, as Jeanne points out.

I would ignore her phone calls and rants. If APS shows up, they will find nothing amiss.

I might be wrong but that sounds like a sociopathic ‘sister’ trying to spoil your holidays. And that’s the wonderful thing about cell phones, you can ‘block’ pests and other creeps from calling you. Good luck to you and Happy Holidays!!!

I think your sister is batcrap crazy! If she meant APS you have good reasons to keep the gate shut, and if she meant Medicare I know a lot of people would welcome a visit.. to help with the dang paperwork! You have all your paperwork in order.. just ignor her.

Proof that sis did not call anyone, thinking "Medicare" is coming.

Your sister sounds mentally ill. I am sorry for her. I am sorry for you for needing to deal with this.

I have never heard about a visit from Medicare. I don't know about where you are, but here Medicare seems quite busy without making house calls. Medicaid updates the needs assessment and budget at least once a year. Is your mother on Medicaid? (The result of every Medicaid visit to us was increased benefits, because of increased needs.)

APS (Adult protective services) has to investigate any accusation or concern reported to them. They investigate, talk to the vulnerable adult, and if no conditions need addressing they close the case. If they found something objectionable about the way your gate is secured, for example, they'd ask you to change it.

I think you have absolutely nothing to worry about. It sounds like you have everything in hand.

What has your attorney said about this? Do you have continuing conflict with this sister?

Redroseman, you do seem to have quite a series of difficulties with other children of your mother's alleging that she is being isolated and prevented from having contact with them, wouldn't you agree?

I'm sorry that you have sibling conflict to deal with. I'm familiar with how much extra stress it adds to caregiving and I sympathise. But there are reasonable accommodations that you could quite easily make to assist contact between your mother and her various daughters - I note from an earlier post that you objected to being asked to turn down the tv volume during a phone call, for example - and although I can't see how or why you would have any trouble from Medicare, as a principle it is part of the caregiving role to support your mother's right to contact with *all* her children.

Clearly things have become quite hostile, which makes your life harder and I'm sorry for it. But why not use this opportunity to clear up misunderstandings (for example about the gate needing to be secure - all they had to do was call the house using their cellphone, surely?) and establish regular communication channels for your mother's other children - preferably ones that don't inconvenience you or bring you into too close contact with them.

Two crazy phone calls in four years does not warrant a call to your attorney, imo.
What is it that you might be telling us, so you can get some real help?
As you described the care your mother is receiving, you have nothing to worry about, right?
Except, how crazy is your sister?

If you are going to worry, keep talking this out, we are here for you.

I've never heard of Medicare sending anyone out for a "visit". Nor have I experienced them calling by phone.

This makes no sense to me.

APS will make personal visits if called to investigate abuse.