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My diabetic husband who is not doing what he should for his diabetes (that's another story), eats junk all day, is always thirsty, and consumes an incredible amount of diet drinks and unsweetened tea all day long. He has to go to the bathroom constantly and several times he has not made it in time and wet his pants. He does have some Depends-type products, but he says he can't get them off in time to go to the bathroom and ends up getting urine on his pants anyway. His doctor put him on an overactive bladder med, and it seemed to work for a while, but not so much any more.


Our sons both want us to come visit them this year, and these trips require long plane trips with some stopovers. If he wears a Depends-type brief, should he just pee in them rather than try to make it to the airplane or airport bathroom? Then he would have to change them in an airport, I guess. I think at this point maybe he just can't travel except by car when we could stop every hour. That would mean I would be driving 4 or 5 hours a day for several days. His driving is terrible. I'm not sure I'm up for that.


How do others deal with this?

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Condom Caths are marvelous 😊. I had no idea they even made them I was using over night pull ups for my bedridden husband , changing the bed two times a night at times . He’s heavy for me to move around due to
sll my neck snd back surgery’s. Then someone told me about them. I ask his VA dr and he ordered them I didn’t know what size so I bought some on my own until I found the right size . They come in CM . I am so grateful because I can sleep through the night now. I’ve had 5 female surgeries myself and I have been butchered by Dr’s in the past , I’ve had to cath sense 1993 so I’m a pro at it. The hospital showed me how to cath Tick but it’s so painful for a man I just couldn’t force that on him on top of all his other problems.
so please go to a medical supply store they will help you with sizing there’s a chart they Will give you buy a few to make sure it’s worth it. Also very important shave the hair away from the area it’s painful to rip out a patch of hair from his penis he will be very upset. Make it easy on him and you. The condoms have some sticky stuff to hold them in place . You can leave them on two or 3 days with no problem. Their great for nights and travel. Be sure to purchase a leg bag or over night bag they can be washed out with hot soap and water and reused .
And for the ladies have to use the Caths with a tiny balloon that blows up inside the bladder with 5 or 10 cc of water then hook to leg bag or over night bag. I hope you find this information helpful . God bless 🙏🙏🙏🌺💕
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Reply to Heartaches7849
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Michelle2828 Jul 8, 2021
It sounds like you're doing an awesome job. Thanks for all of the tips. Take care ❤
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Looking at this point by point.

Your DH has uncontrolled diabetes. He is not compliant. He will not change his behaviour, which would help the frequent urination.

This is 100% on him. It is not your problem to solve. But yous sons should be told Dad is not compliant in managing his diabetes, so they are be prepared for the fact he is choosing to die sooner than later. My neighbour did this. Al had weeping ulcers on his legs, he would sit at this computer with junk food spread over his desk. He knew what he was doing and he did not care. Al boasted about how high his blood sugar was, he died shortly after his 60th birthday.

He will not proactively go to the bathroom, but waits until it is an urgent situation.

He wets his pants at home.

He blames Depends on his accidents.

Do you sons know Dad is incontinent? If not, it is time to have a conversation with them. Especially if you would be staying with them. They need to know that Dad will have accidents in their homes.

They also know that any outing planned will be disrupted by Dad's need to pee and accidents while out.

If you plan to stay in a hotel, are you prepared to pay large cleaning fees? If he wets the bed, the floor etc, you will have to pay for the bed to be replaced and floors professionally cleaned.

Is there a reason the kids cannot come to see you?

Is there a reason you cannot go alone? Wouldn't it be nice to see your sons and not have to clean up after DH for a week or so?
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Reply to Tothill
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againx100 Jul 5, 2021
Good idea to have kids come to them. If $ is an issue, maybe she can even pay for the flights. It would be worth not having to go through the hassle and aggravation of traveling with this peeing issue.

Or yes, put hubby in respite care for a week or two and go on the trip alone.

How many ounces of liquid do you think he is drinking per day? Is he on any diuretics? Do any of the drinks he ingests have diuretic properties, like coffee? I hate to say decrease liquids as most elders are usually in danger of dehydration but this just seems excessive!

I would test whether a depend with an insert would absorb all the pee he puts out. If it works, that would be good to know for when there's an inevitable "emergency". Might want to get him on a schedule where he goes to the bathroom every XX minutes as opposed to waiting until he has the urge which is usually going to be too late.

I don't know what med he's on and everyone is different, but my mom was on oxybutinin (sp?) and she definitely had some memory issues due to it so there's that to consider as well.
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The added stress of traveling will make the situation worse, and unenjoyable for the both of you. IMHO, either put your husband in respite care for the 2 weeks and go alone, or tell the boys they come to visit you. It sounds like you could use a break. When the boys visit they will see first hand how your life at home is on a daily basis. Best wishes on the choice you make.
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Reply to thingsarecrazy8
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Michelle2828 Jul 8, 2021
Or perhaps one of the boys could purchase a round-trip ticket, and come in advance for the plane ride or drive. I think the extra hand would make things a lot easier, and maybe some insight into the care their mom does each and every day.
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Ask your Dr for an external catheter. It’s attached like a condom and it holds on really well . The catheter is attached to a leg bag which is easy to open and empty out. He can do this in the bathroom on his own . I’m a nurse and suggested this to a pt and they loved it! You will need to get him fitted since there ar different sizes of the catheter cap. Best of luck!
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Reply to Gingrspice
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Time for the sons to get on an airplane and visit you.
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Reply to BetseyP
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Depending on your tolerance... in your home (& your son's in theirs) having a urinal bottle close by he can use could be one idea. (Maybe if you don't have carpet).

If you prefer to keep this matter more private, he will need to move to Depends or similar when out & about.

The mixed incontinence: urge (involuntary loss) but also functional (managing clothing or mobility issues) makes travel harder, but not impossible.

Some ideas... Well fitting pull-ups can be worn. A booster pad can be worn inside. He can take himself to the toilet regularly & change just the booster pad. This will reduce the risk of pullups underwear getting soaked to capacity & leaking. Take a spare shirt to tie around his waist to hide any visible accidents getting off the plane if need be. Disabled toilets in the airport can be used to assist him changing trousers if required. Carry a 'hygiene' pack with gloves, wipes, spare pullups, trousers, socks & rubbish/ziplock bags.

While I get it is not nice to just say wee in the pad/pullups when he does have control, it's a practical solution & can reduce the stress, rushing & falls risk. Then he can make his way to the toilet (without the stress) to change the booster pad after he goes.

My relative was seen by a Continence Nurse, referred by the Doctor. It was a fantastic service with lots of practical advice. "When cure is not possible, contain is the aim"! That was her motto 😃
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Reply to Beatty
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PatsyN Jul 8, 2021
Just sounds like a guy who won't change his diet will resist these extra coping steps...
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My Mom has the same issue with frequent urination making it difficult for her to venture very far at all from home. If I were to ask her to travel by plane or make a long carried, just the anticipation would make her an absolute wreck- not to mention she would not likely enough her visit very much because of her issues with urination. I would vote for asking your sons to visit you. You and your husband would certainly enjoy your time with them much more, with your husband in his own environment. Good luck, whatever you do.
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Reply to MomandBob
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katepaints Jul 8, 2021
You’re right. The sons should visit. They may have no idea what their mom deals with, let alone what traveling will entail.
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The Depends and other type of incontinence products are INTENDED to absorb the urine,
Tell him if he can not get to the bathroom in time to let the pull-up absorb the urine then he can change without the fear of his pants getting wet. He would have to bring another pull-up with him to change. He has to get it to his mindset that it is OK to not "make it to the toilet" and that it is OK to let the brief absorb as it is supposed to do.
There are Condom Catheters he could use during a trip. Ask the doctor about them. It should make a long trip more comfortable for him.
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OldArkie Jul 8, 2021
There is even a booster pad made to increase the capacity of adult diapers by up to an additional 16 ounces.
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Does his doctor knows he drinks diet drinks and tea all day long. Diet cokes and tea irritate the bladder making you pee more often. Its not long after I drink a diet coke that I need to go. Him not being able to hold it is a problem. Could be his Prostate.

Me personally, I would not go on a trip with him. Stopping every hour when driving...you'll never get there.

Cut out the diet drinks and tea. I just read that dark soda's are bad for the kidneys. With uncontrolled diabetes, his kidneys are already compromised.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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OkieGranny Jul 8, 2021
I think his doctor has just about given up on him. He doesn't do anything to help himself as to his diabetes. He eats junk all the time, never moves except when absolutely necessary, and never checks his blood sugar.
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As someone who once sat next to a man who wet freely wet his pants in our plane seats - soaking my seat and clothing as well - for the remainder of the six hour flight with a nauseating feeling and smell, maybe consider others and drive or as others suggested have your sons visit (this latter seems the best solution).

It was not fair for me who arrived at a professional event stinking of a stranger's urine and looking a mess. I don't know what the airline did about the soaked seats as another flight was boarding immediately after ours and though I told the flight attendants, they said there was nothing they could do. The next bunch had to sit in those seats too. Please consider others as well as your own comfort. Thanks and wishing you the best.
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Reply to marymary2
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OkieGranny Jul 8, 2021
Wow, that must have been miserable. So far, he hasn't wet any furniture, although he has gotten the car seat a bit wet.
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