93 yo father. Stubborn. Mentally sharp. Still healthy but frail, poor eyesight, hard of hearing. Lives alone but has a good number of friends and likes to get out. Doesn't drive that much any more but still goes to pick up meds, groceries, doctor appointments. Everything within 15 minutes distance. Refuses delivery services, Uber, etc. Shouldn't be driving but it's his last vestige of independence.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Be ready for the fight of your life possibly! Are any of the friends in better shape to drive or ride along? Have you had him tested at DMV (think that's one of the suggestions of this forum)? This issue stresses me highly. One of the issues that got my dad in a very bad mood. He was pretty calm and following guidelines when I said no drives alone beyond 15 minutes, other times he had to trail me and still it could not be for anything of a distance or freeways (then he would have to park at some point and get in our vehicle and we would continue the long journey), call before leaving and after arrival if someone was not available to ride with, let the live-in sibling and me know where he was going, not going out at night period, if possible ask someone to ride with him, etc.

Once I was no longer providing the full-time care, they quickly took away his ability completely and the live-in sister can't drive. Then he started becoming rebellious.

Do a search; this topic has many suggestions to try. Good luck to you and dad!
Helpful Answer (0)

It is certainly reasonable and conscientious on your part to say that he “...shoudn’t be driving....” but has anyone else said that besides you?

As his child, attempting to achieve the goal of keeping him and others SAFE may be both very difficult and possibly destructive in your relationship with him, which is SO important for him.

Have any medical personnel spoken to him about his driving? If so, can you flip the ball into one or more of the professionals’ courts?

If not, would he take an AARP Safe Driving course with you (or without you)?

When will his driver’s license be up for renewal?

Can you appeal to his sense of reasonableness and civic responsibility?

Show him statistics illustrating problems encountered by drivers over the age of 90? Might he be willing to make small payments to a younger friend for helping him out with a ride now and then?

As you point out, this sometimes becomes the last fragile vestige of “normalcy”, and especially painful and difficult to lose. Tough for him, and tough for you as well.
Helpful Answer (0)

Why do you think that he shouldn't drive? Is he really mentally sharp? It is unusual at 93 but certainly not unheard of. My 94 MIL is doing pretty well but certainly not quick enough reactions to be driving. She can handle her normal day-to-day things like laundry and simple cooking but driving is much too overwhelming.

Poor eyesight and hearing could be enough, depending on how poor.

Has he had any fender benders?

As suggested, search for this issue as it's been covered many times.

If you're sure that he is unsafe behind the wheel, sometimes people do things like disabling the car so that they CAN't drive anywhere. And make excuses for why it's not fixed.

Good luck.
Helpful Answer (0)

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter