My mom is 89 and in general good health except for back pain. But she forgets to help with chores so I do a lot and my other sister never comes around at all. I have a disability too so I fall a lot and when I get frustrated I really get angry. Mom isn’t interested in very much so how do I handle my anger? Should I just do everything?

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Is Mom showing signs of Dementia? I would say patience but I don't have any either. At 89 with arthritis she may not feel like doing anything. My Aunt can just about get out of bed. Takes her hours to get moving.

My solution would be to hire someone for mornings. Help her get up, wash, dress etc. If you don't have the money call Medicaid and see if they can supply an aide. Call your Office of Aging. At 89 she shouldn't be expected to do chores. She should be able to do what she wants when she wants. What are you expecting?
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Gabby, there are 3 separate issues here. Your disability and subsequent burnout, your sister’s apathy toward helping, and your mother’s “forgetting”.

If you are not well yourself, taking care of someone else by yourself is extremely difficult. I would seriously consider hiring a caregiver, paid for from Mom’s funds or getting her on Medicaid. Check Medicare to see what they’ll cover. Tell your sister what you’re doing. If she knows Mom’s money will be used for that, she may decide to pitch in. You never know.

Are there chores that can be “let go” for a while? I take care of my husband and and I certainly don’t wear myself out dusting, vacuuming or scrubbing floors. Laundry, dishes and meals and that’s about it.

If Mom can fold laundry, put a pile in front of her and tell her you’ll put it away when she’s done folding. No option.

Take care of yourself.
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If you are yelling. Stop it. It’s not good for either of you. It’s abuse to your mother and may be why your sister is not coming around. It’s hard to listen to.
You need help. It’s hard to take care of everything by yourself. Understood.
Call your Area Agency on Aging and ask what services are available for your mother.
You may qualify for assistance yourself. If your mom is unable to care for herself perhaps it’s time to look into AL. Do you live with your mom or she with you? How about meals on wheels, have you looked into that?
I hope you take the time to call AAA today and get them out to do an assessment to see if they can help. I’m sorry you are having such a hard time.
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