How to respond to peoples insensitive remarks as my Mom gets closer to passing?

I struggled for years with what to say to bereaved folks. Ive settled on "im sorry for your loss". Cadams, I'm sorry that you are grieving and feeling stressed. Most people don't mean anything offensive when they try to give you comfort. Please try to take these comments in the spirit in which they are given.

Cadams, people sometimes do the best they can, most of the time they do not think about what comes out of their mouths. What sorts of statements are they making? One that may have been said/asked is whether you will be relived when she passes. In my case yes, I will be relieved when Mom passes, but for someone else to say what is my private thought or wish is another thing entirely. I would just let it go in one ear and out the other. Recognize that these people are doing the best they can and leave it at that.

Oh I know people do the best they can and often just don't know what to say and honestly feel they ARE helping. It's probably me more than them. I just seem to be super sensitive right now, anxious about where I will go afterwards, fears, the grief surrounding losing her, etc....... It was a recent remark a friend made, telling me my mom is getting older and just won't be around long and then asking me about plans after that just set me off. Seems harmless enough, but somehow it just hit me hard, so just bear with me. I think I will take pamstegma up on the ativan..... I'm trying hard to be be positive for mom, for me, for family.............some times are harder than others. Thanks for listening. cadams

Its not you!People can say the rudest things,A so called friend of my Mother said to me'"When your Mother dies,I want the outfit shes wearing today".Ive heard all kinds of low comments.Some people have no couthe.luckylu

I'm making some assumptions. Some may be wrong. I'm assuming you have been living with mom, caring for her at the expense of your own life and career.its from those assumptions that I offer my opinion.

Fine mess people get themselves into. We see it here all the time. Someone decides, "hey, I'm going to move in with mom and take care of her. Won't need a job because I'll basically be living for free. In the beginning, I think it sounds pretty cool.

And then the months grind by . . . Caregiving becomes darned near impossible for one person. Yet the caregiver is sort of stuck. No job. No savings. No place to live outside of mom's house. Trapped.

And then moms journey begins winding down. Now what? The caregiver is going to lose their loved one...a way of life...a place to live. Relatives that figure you can just pick up your life from where you left off.

Very much easier said than done. Scary.

One of the hardest things in the world is knowing what to say to people who are grieving. While it might comfort me to know that "mom is in a better place" you might think "what was wrong with where she was at?". See what I mean? Even something as seemingly benign as "It was God's will" will irritate the snot out of someone who doesn't see it that way. Entire books have been written on this subject. Certainly not everyone believes in God and Heaven, but the thought that there is somewhere nice ahead for us is a great comfort for most people.

The best thing for you to do is realize that most people mean well, and aren't really trying to piss you off. Don't feel you have to rebut every comment, just say Thank you for your thoughts. I appreciate your prayers. We will miss her when she's gone.

I'm sorry that you are having to go through this and that it is causing you distress. While we will be going through a similar situation, no one is having the exact process you and your family are. You have my sympathy. (Hugs)

Ativan helped me. Maybe you should ask for some.

My Dad was handicapped with polio.I saw people mimic his limp in his walk behind him as a child.I still carry heartbreak from that.After he died,I had people say,"Now,he can run in Heaven".I hope so,but Noone really knows because no one has been back from Heaven to tell us about it.I think"Im sorry" is a nice remark.luckylu

Open mouth, insert other foot.

Luckylu, my uncle's doctor at a well known E.R. asked him, "Didn't your mother believe in giving vaccinations? They didn't discover the polio vaccine back when he was a child. This bright remark from a doctor!
No one really knows what to say.
I am sorry that both parents have died, Luckylu. Be as strong for yourself as possible, and come here to AC when you want. You are a part of a community that cares.