How to respond to peoples insensitive remarks as my Mom gets closer to passing?

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Sometimes the remarks hit me hard and leave me reeling for hours and I get into fear as I really don't know where I'll go after, so that contributes to my insecurities. I seem to be kinda super sensitive right now. What I am wanting from others is empathy, support, encouragement. cadams

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What I do is try to distance myself as much as possible from people who offer unsolicited and usually unhelpful and frequently hurtful advice. A great way to do that is cut down contact in person or on phone and rely more on email or not contacting them except for an occasional card. I also try not to talk about issues that I don't want opinions on. I rely more on the internet, columns, books, newspapers for companionship and entertainment. Sometimes I have a brief friendly quick exchange with a clerk, business person, banker during the day so I get some social interaction, not when they are busy or have waiting customers though.

Sometimes the people I am cutting out are relatives or people who have some good qualities, but right now they are not worth it. Also there are some intelligent, kind people out there that don't say a lot of stupid things. I hope you run across some.
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I'm making some assumptions. Some may be wrong. I'm assuming you have been living with mom, caring for her at the expense of your own life and career.its from those assumptions that I offer my opinion.

Fine mess people get themselves into. We see it here all the time. Someone decides, "hey, I'm going to move in with mom and take care of her. Won't need a job because I'll basically be living for free. In the beginning, I think it sounds pretty cool.

And then the months grind by . . . Caregiving becomes darned near impossible for one person. Yet the caregiver is sort of stuck. No job. No savings. No place to live outside of mom's house. Trapped.

And then moms journey begins winding down. Now what? The caregiver is going to lose their loved one...a way of life...a place to live. Relatives that figure you can just pick up your life from where you left off.

Very much easier said than done. Scary.
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We all react to serious illnesses and death differently.

My sig other carries all the deaths in his family on his shoulders daily... if you ask him about someone in his family the first thing he will talk about is the last week of that person's life, even if that person passed on decades years ago.... my gosh, I couldn't imaging spending 80 some years on this earth only for a son to talk about that last 5 days of it, and nothing more. But that is how his family reacts.

Even this evening, sig other was saying don't be surprised if the next phone call you get is a serious issue with my parents [they are in their mid-90's]. Yes, Mr. Positive, let's keep putting the negative spin on EVERYTHING.
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I would say to a particularly insensitive remark, REALLY?!!! That will often make your point, and to others, say I'd appreciate not having to think about that right now, and LUCKYLU, to the person asking for her outfit, I would flat out say to her, THAT IS AN EXTREMELY RUDE THING TO SAY! and that aught to shut her up, because it was!
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Some people are insensitive to what other's are going through in their life. If you can just look over as much of these comments as possible that upset you then you will be better off. Easier said then done because we all have been in a ordeal where someone said something that got under our skin, and we just analazed what they possibly could have meant. Or did they mean anything? That's why I say look over ignorance, and concentrate on making your self happy. We can only be accountable for our own personal actions, and it's too bad their aren't more caring people like the ones on here I see posting that care for people. Wow. The world could be an actual nice place to live:)
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Emily, yes it d*mn well can wait. Tell them to have some shame.
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Cadams, I know exactly how you feel. I live in 4 family house. Mom and I in separate apartments. She is at home with end stage cancer. It's like while I'm dealing with losing my mom a little more each day I'm supposed to have a plan all mapped out for where I will be moving so the house can be sold and 2 other cousins who are part owners can get their share. It feels so heartless. Like can't this wait at least until my mom is gone and I have some time to grieve?
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Open mouth, insert other foot.
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Sorry, your mom is still with us, in hospice? I should have remembered that is why this is so hard for you each day.
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Luckylu, my uncle's doctor at a well known E.R. asked him, "Didn't your mother believe in giving vaccinations? They didn't discover the polio vaccine back when he was a child. This bright remark from a doctor!
No one really knows what to say.
I am sorry that both parents have died, Luckylu. Be as strong for yourself as possible, and come here to AC when you want. You are a part of a community that cares.
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