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My mother in law was in a nursing home that we paid for then she got declined for Medicaid long story but due to her daughter! So now she is living with us and she sleeps all day and up all night! Barely eats, doesn't want a bath nor shower, has constant UTI'S! She has depression but doesn't want help! She is turning out home upside down and it's putting a toll on our relationship! We can't afford to put her in a nursing home anymore. So can we put her in a mental health place? Please someone help us.

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What is her social security check per month? Why doesn't she qualify? She needs to do something that requires a trip to the ER and then you can refuse to accept her back because it is an "unsafe discharge". But it doesn't sound like this is the case, the poor woman just has dementia. The UTIs can be making her behaviors worse...is she being treated with antibiotics? This is understandably difficult for anyone -- I hope you can find a solution that works for everyone.
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Isthisrealyreal Mar 2020
Sounds like the daughter got money that has caused a penalty period.
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Why can’t you send her to live with her daughter? And who told you she can’t get Medicaid? Unless you/she applied for it herself and were turned down, then you shouldn’t go by what someone is telling you. From what you said below, it doesn’t sound she’s actually been denied medicaid.what her daughter did isn’t something that will cause her to be denied Medicaid coverage. You can’t just put her in a mental health facility, there are conditions that must be met. Simply being depressed isn’t enough to have her committed.
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Do you mean a mental institution? You seriously want to have her committed to an institution?

Please speak to a social worker to help you plan for her future. I am sorry that you and your husband are struggling. It’s very difficult to be a hands on caregiver. I know. I have done it too.

Please make a call to Council on Aging in your area and see what respite care is available. Ask the doctor or hospital for a referral to a social worker to help you plan for placement.

Has her daughter expressed any interest in helping you out in regards to your MIL? If not, make plans yourself. Don’t put this off. You sound like you are close to burning out but a mental institution is NOT the answer here.
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Isthisrealyreal Mar 2020
Sometimes a mental health admissions is exactly what is needed.

This is hard enough without people laying guilt on a situation they know very little about.
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I see that you spoke with 2 elder attorneys. What did they tell you?

Has your MIL been assessed by a doctor and determined to need 24/7 care? Do you have a report from the doctor?

Who filled out the Medicaid application? That your SIL committed identity theft should be reported and charges brought, this will help your MIL get approved if that is what is stopping it. She doesn't deserve a do not go to jail free card, she needs to face the consequences of her criminal actions. Right now you are paying for her actions and that needs to change.

I am so sorry that you are having to care for someone that is bringing turmoil to your home. I am also very sorry that you guys spent your retirement to help her.

Is your husband helping you sort all of this out or has he given up?

You do need to do another application and be persistent in getting her the care she needs and your home back. There has to be a way.
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Just to let you know I had absolutely no intention of making you feel guilty. I am sure that you can tell that I showed nothing but empathy for you. As Cali has sensibly stated, you have to have valid reasons for placing someone in a mental institution.

I certainly wish you all the best. As I stated in my post to you I have enormous compassion for you because I have walked in your shoes and did hands on care for many years so I know the heartache.

Take care.
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A doctor can write a prescription for a hospital bad. I will tell you what home health said to us, “Hospital beds are frequently turned down by Medicare. Certain criteria must be met to qualify for a bed.”

Speak to her doctor again. Speak to a social worker to help you plan. They know specifically what criteria is needed to help with planning for her future.
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