How to prevent adult sibling with severe mental illness from heavily impacting critical POA responsibilities & transition to AL?
Limited in what i can write here -please understand. Aging & loving recently widowed parent with early dementia wants to help POA & atty make complex estate decisions with both +/- implications. She understands in the moment, but short term memory probs impact retention. Wants to be involved, and she gets frustrated when discussing.
Adult child with severe mental health probs ( & no support system), w/ minimal self-awareness, is imposing immeasurable challenges to mother & poa & atty. Atty says parent #1 priority. POA agrees. But, adult child, unable & unwilling to participate meaningfully, is throwing up unpredictable & seemingly insurmountable road blocks at every turn, impacting not only herself, but parent & POA too.
Prob: Cannot stop adult child frm exercising bad judgement. But what can be done to prevent her from majorly interfering, which will make it all worse for all, both short & long term. Previous Suggestions have included RO. Possible, but adds to already impossible tasks of poa (who has no support system). Another suggestion: elder care atty could write "back off" letter. Also ok, but this will trigger adult child significantly & possibly make things worse.
Hoping a reader will relate & have some guidance.
I know this is hard without more specific info. Pls do the best you can & i will try to answer best i can. 🤞🙏 Feel like im already losing. Beyond overwhelmed with no end in sight.
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So what if the adult child doesn't have a support system. What does that have to do with your mother -- what currency does this severely mentally ill sibling have if you or a trusted sibling are the POA? Is this "adult child" currently caring for your mother? Is that your concern? If so, you can kiss any chance of credibility goodbye because why would someone who cares about the well-being of a beloved mother allow her to live with a sibling that she deems to be "severely mentally ill"? Any sane daughter with a POA would extricate her without delay. Is this final unfished business going for guardianship of your mother? Are you fearing her reaction? You can't play that both ways. You can't ask a "severely mentally ill" sibling to care for your mother, and simultaneously try to get guardianship of your mother. Possession is 9/10 of the law. If she's with this "adult child" and claims to be happy and content and her dementia is only mild with some memory issues your own lucidity and mental well-being (or motives) may be called into question.
Just operating on theory as that's all we have to work with but I'm sorry...it's just not adding up for me. I'd very much like to know where your mother is now, who is caring for her, how she is doing and if there have been any complaints from Mom.
Have you discussed guardianship with atty?
As far as the estate goes, let the chips fall where they may and don’t get involved. Let the lawyer assess whether your mother has adequate capacity to make estate changes based on the laws of her state. No attorney would risk their legal license and ability to all future earnings to earn an hourly fee to draft documents for someone who no longer has sufficient capacity.
Take no legal action. There will be plenty of lawyers that will “help you” but they will just take your money - and at the same time, this will make you look greedy.
A minimal capacity loss will not impact her ability to make changes to estate planning. Your mother’s lawyer will be observing you (and the mentally ill and/or any other sibling) and notes of everything that is happening will make it into the “file.”
After my dad died, a few of my multiple siblings started counting their future inheritance. They also teamed up and collectively hired an attorney or three who gave them pricey and irrelevant advice. I heard one of my siblings, suffering from financially tough times, even went boat shopping. (They did not however, come visit, write or call mom). They did call her estate lawyer and say “quasi-threatening” things to the attorney. He made copious notes which later became court evidence.
When speaking of my siblings, Mom told her estate attorney, “Aren’t they supposed to wait until I die before they start picking at my bones?” How sad!
I fail to see how the sibling figures in this at ALL. The sibling should not even be having this discussed with him or her. In fact as POA for your Mom you are beholden not to discuss her affairs with others without her permission. If Mom herself is including this sibling then you do have perhaps someone more impaired than it seems, who cannot make decisions on important estate matters on zoom with an attorney not in your area.
I suggest a good trust and estate attorney in your own area who will work with you and your Mom. I suggest not discussing ANY OF THIS with a mentally impaired sibling, or anyone else if your Mom wants to make important changes.
A power of attorney document gives the agent the right to legally sign documents, make healthcare decisions, and take care of financial transactions on behalf of your parent. Under the law, they are required to act in the best interests of your parent. They are not allowed to do specific things, including:
If the judge finds that your sibling has been abusing your parent as the power of attorney, you can prosecute that sibling for things like fraud, embezzlement, exploitation, and theft. These are serious crimes that can lead to imprisonment and steep fines. State laws will dictate how much those fines will be, but these are serious consequences that have a far-reaching impact.
Because of these severe consequences, the courts do not take these accusations lightly. You will need ample evidence of fraud or abuse to start this type of case. Always work with a legal team that is well-versed in elder law and elder abuse scenarios. This will ensure you can build a solid case to protect your parent against these serious crimes.
Matilda
I am assuming that you are probating Dads Will? Parents lived in another State? Mom is now with you? Sibling lives in another state but is it the same State the Lawyer is in? Or a different state altogether from you and the lawyer?
Your Mom has a Dementia she cannot participate in the decisions that need to be made. Its costing you time and money. The same with ur sibling sticking their nose in. Every time the lawyer has to talk to ur sibling, it cost the estate money. If Mom is executor, she should not be. The lawyer can request a new assignment since the Executor is incompetent to make informed decisions. In your situation, I would allow the lawyer to be the Executor. That way neither you or Mom have anything to do with the Will. He can refer to you if he has questions as Moms POA.
How does this sibling harass you? Can u block them? The Lawyer can tell his secretary he does not want to talk to the sibling. Are you even beneficiaries? Usually the wife receives everything. Its not until her Will that their are beneficiaries.
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