I'm thinking it's psychologically healthy to plan for my future alone after my husband passes. What have other done in that regard and how has it helped them? (not financial but emotional and maybe renewed or new interests, careers, etc.)
My Dh has put me through the wringer for 44 years. He's walked up to death's door 6 times that I can recollect--and I nursed him back to health each and every time.
Trust me, sitting alone in a surgical waiting room for hours on end, you begin to wise up and make plans. His funeral is planned. Our 'urns' are bought and paid for and I will be buying the niche repositories later this year.
I FORCED him to make a will--for which he was grateful, He's the kind of guy who just lets life happen around him.
I have a 'plan' for retirement if he is still living and one for if he is not.
Financially I will be fine, which is my goal. All 5 of my kids have offered for me to live with them--nope and nope. (Not ONE would take their dad in---they've all said he'd go straight from my funeral to a NH).
I don't dwell on this. I simply plan and put it to paper and then when/if it happens, I will be prepared.
I think it IS psychologically healthy, Ignoring a situation that is very likely to come to pass is just ignoring the 'what ifs' of life.
And yes, the plans change a little from time to time, but basically, it's a move closer to my 2 daughters and hopefully a life filled with positive things. My grandmother was a widow for 36 years. She did it with such dignity and poise--I have that as an example. I know it won't be easy, but marriage has been pretty hard.
I think that as much as possible, to stay involved in current interests and in touch with friends would be much easier, rather than finding a new life or getting our lives back after a spouse or parent passes. Care giving takes so much out of us that we tend to let go of a lot that actually matters to us. That can leave us empty and alone at some point, which can be really difficult to pull out of.
I don't do hands on care giving but I have been 'managing' my father's life for the past 8 or so years. I never want to put my kids through what I have been through with him. The constant state of emergency got to be too much. While I hope to live NEAR my kids I would never want to live with them. And while I would hope/expect a little assistance it would all be within reason. I would not be calling them at work demanding they leave right now and come and fix my tv remote. I lost count the number of times my father did that to me.
My mom became a new woman after my dad passed. She joined a widows and widowers group and made quite a few friends. Even dated a wonderful, funny guy for years until he passed from diabetes complications. It's almost like she became free to do what she wanted again. She has developed Parkinsons and I am her caregiver (and daughter), so that put a damper on her social life. Maybe pursue your passions, develop a network of good friends (either through a group like my mom joined, or a small group through church).
If you have not already done so, get your mom an AWARE IN CARE kit from parkinson.org. The Parkinson Foundation is an excellent resource. There is also the American Parkinson Disease Association: https://www.apdaparkinson.org. The Davis Phinney Foundation. https://www.davisphinneyfoundation.org/events-list/?cat_name=educational. These three organizations can keep your mother busy and well socialized. I ask for God's blessing for the both of you. One more thing, watch out for protein, it can make the Levodopa not work.
Trust me, sitting alone in a surgical waiting room for hours on end, you begin to wise up and make plans. His funeral is planned. Our 'urns' are bought and paid for and I will be buying the niche repositories later this year.
I FORCED him to make a will--for which he was grateful, He's the kind of guy who just lets life happen around him.
I have a 'plan' for retirement if he is still living and one for if he is not.
Financially I will be fine, which is my goal. All 5 of my kids have offered for me to live with them--nope and nope. (Not ONE would take their dad in---they've all said he'd go straight from my funeral to a NH).
I don't dwell on this. I simply plan and put it to paper and then when/if it happens, I will be prepared.
I think it IS psychologically healthy, Ignoring a situation that is very likely to come to pass is just ignoring the 'what ifs' of life.
And yes, the plans change a little from time to time, but basically, it's a move closer to my 2 daughters and hopefully a life filled with positive things. My grandmother was a widow for 36 years. She did it with such dignity and poise--I have that as an example. I know it won't be easy, but marriage has been pretty hard.
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