Help! For 8 yr., I have lived in my father's home. Over time, as my father aged and deteriorated, I've assumed more and more responsibilities, isolating myself as Dad becomes more demanding and has angry verbal outbursts which can't be ignored or forgotten, "No one can stand you or wants to be around you, even your son." (My son's 32 and married with a full time job and friends so I rarely hear from him, but he swears this is not true.) Dad's now 96, still drives, Though he's pretty deaf and walks with a cane, he's a decent driver in the morning when he's fresh... but it's the other people on the road who are crazy here in the Orlando area. The car is in both our names though the original down payment came from the sale of his old car. I came here sickly but got disability and gave him nearly all my settlement to repay him for his help and contribute all but a few $100 towards the household expenses (so I have only a few hundred in savings), while dad also contributes nearly $1000 a month plus draws on his dwindling reverse mortgage. Without a miracle, Dad will be forced to sell the house in a few months. Since I have managed the household expenses, maintenance and all necessary purchases, we have credit card debt (which he does not want to know about but realizes that there is a balance on the cards). He promised that once the house is sold, he would pay for my move & 3 mo. rent, but that is only an option if I can find a golden girls type house arrangement. My question is, How do I get my dad to sign an agreement stipulating all this, Because I am fearful he will go ballistic over the stress of the move and sale. He has frequent outbursts and I'm always to blame. Sympathy even though I have debilitating anxiety and depression, is reserved for my sister, and has a 19 yr. old son and money to spare. I am not jealous, but I'm sure my father expects me to do all of the preparation. Because I have moved many times over last 20 years (job related), I know this would be far too much work for me to do on my own. (I know some individuals and groups who might do a trade out or be paid after closing). No matter how much for how little I do, I'm 100% certain my dad will alternately become extremely angry with me and unless I have a written agreement assuring me that he will honor the agreement for relocation and turn the car over to me. Even know his doctor says he can still drive now, he will not be driving in a few months. I've read all the articles, And If dad does not agree took keep his promise and surrender the car to me which is half mine, then I will be forced to contact the police anonymously about his driving. We have already looked into Uber and other transportation. My sister & I can drive him to most Appt. I live in a constant state of dread, anticipating the inevitable conflict and possibility that dad may totally cut me off from his life, as my sister can be very malicious and jealous. Most of the time, My dad and I get along great. His neediness and short temper plus his derisive remarks about me to visitors, like home healthcare givers and neighbors has crushed my spirit. I have an emotional support dog which helps greatly, But it is no substitute for human contact and friendship or a romantic relationship. Though I was very sick when I got here, I have worked hard to regain my looks and health, with medication and my doctor's help. Please help me figure out how to get this legal document because that would give me the peace of mind to rebuild my life while still caring for my father who is still fairly independent for the time being.
I think you had better get yourself some advice and support to start planning your new life, with or without the car. I don't know how the system works near you, but as you know for certain that you are entitled to certain disability benefits perhaps if you contact the office that deals with them they can point you in the right direction. Please, please reach out and ask for help for yourself.
There are other family members who can support your father, and you say he's pretty independent besides.
The last eight years sound pretty disastrous, although perhaps there have been improvements to some aspects of your health? But financially - a ruin. The credit card debt sounds like a worry. And you are afraid that when the crash comes, your father is going to flip.
When he has to face up to the bottom line, which he has ignored because it was easier to leave it to you, then I guess that yes, he is going to be angry. He will be stressed, and he will have to deal with a lot of change. Of course he is going to hate it.
So get help before that happens. Whether you need to see a debt counsellor, a benefits adviser, a housing support worker, whatever they're called, ask. Don't distract yourself trying to make your father sign some makeshift agreement that won't be worth the paper it's written on. Please reach out - make some calls. You can find your local service contact details online.
You say you and your father get along, but in the next sentence you say he is verbally abusive toward you and has broken your spirit. Those are two contradictory statements. Why do you tolerate this? He sounds like a loose cannon who has trouble co trolling his temper. Has he ever been physically abuse?
Do you think it’s time to move out and live your own life? There are apartments for people with low income. 30% of your income is your rent. If it were me, I wouldn’t tolerate being treated this way for any reason.
He’s drawing on a reverse mortgage; when that’s spent he’ll have only his SS.
Who has POA? Does dad have a will? He is 96, God Bless Him!
I would just just move forward yourself and make your own way. You can apply for HUD housing & qualify. Set up payment plans for the credit card debt and cut them up.
But it I wouldn’t count on that letter to make things alright as realistically you can’t get blood from a stone.