How to make my dad listen?

I'm not sure i understand what you mean by a three hour schedule. Schedule for what?

And why did you move your dad in with you if you already knew he had to have his own way? Just in general, either you need to develop some serious serenity and acceptance that you can't change him or figure out a way to use his available resources for him to have housing and care elsewhere.

Hi Lori, I think you need to elaborate a bit -- can you provide examples?
Overall, can you use some of Dad's money to hire a companion for a few hours a few days a week. It will occupy Dad (walks/rides in a wheel chair; playing cards, going to a kids soccer game, etc) and it will give you some down time.

We have pt come in & occupational therapy also but when they're not here he's wanting to sit either in the living room in his recliner or lay in his bed for hrs. So we came up with the 3hrs increments to keep him from one position too long. The nurse from home health agreed this is a good idea. When we started he was in agreement and I've discovered that it really makes the days a little easier. But at times when he decides he's going to going to get off the schedule & I discuss it with him he laughs at me & goes on to do his own thing. Lol..... he's 85, is in a wheelchair most of the time, and gets anxious at times. He had a stroke last yr & has a small amount of paralysis on one side. I'm worried he's going to fall getting up & down so much . My husband is a nurse and helps as much as much as possible. But it helps to have other opinions as well. I have hired a lady that sits once in a while with him so we can go out to eat. That helps us all. Thanks for any suggestions.

I would love to hear from others taking care of a parent in their homes.

Lori, If your dad is hard of hearing and listens to the television at top volume, it would be money well spent to invest in TV headphones, even if you have to pay for them yourself. Reducing the noise level will reduce the stress level.

You cannot "make" your dad listen. All you can do is control your behavior and your decisions. This would be true even if your dad did not live with you.

When you moved your dad in with you was it supposed to be temporary? You need to ask yourself whether or not you want your dad living with you permanently. And you definitely need to ask your husband if he wants a roommate.

Also, there are plenty of threads on this forum about a parent living with you. Search for terms like "regret" "guilt" and "marriage" and you will have plenty of food for thought from people who are caring for someone in their homes.

This is a great place to come and vent. I think that's helpful. Also, if you have friends or family to share your frustration. I wouldn't do it within earshot of your dad though.

I've come to the conclusion that many seniors just aren't into change. And providing advice, information, and requests, aren't that productive either. That includes seniors who do not have cognitive decline.

I learned to pick my battles. I have very few things that I freak out over. One is my 79 year-old dad climbing on the roof to clean gutters and the other is my 75 year-old mom taking her antidepressant meds. Other than that, I let it go.

For some reason, your dad feels like he wants to do what he wants to do when it wants to do it. And at 85, I may feel that way too. He has little in his control right now. Why not let him set his schedule and if he doesn't want one, what's the problem with that? Why is the schedule so important? Why can't he just relax as he likes?

I wouldn't hold my breath thinking he will change, so if it's a huge stressor for you, I'd explore other options for his care.