How to maintain marriage when husband is devoting his life to his mother?

Instead of him moving to care for mother could mother be moved closer to the two of you so the distance would not be a factor?

[For goodness' sake...]

We do not know:

when this stroke happened
what can be expected in terms of recovery
how old the lady is
where she lives
where the OP and her DH live
who else is involved in supporting the lady's future care
what options are available
how much thought the OP's DH has given to the various options
and above all
what the lady's own preferences and plans might be.

It would not be an unusual reaction to an elderly parent's stroke for an adult child to rush to her bedside and instantly volunteer as nurse, cook, handyman, bottle washer and general factotum for the rest of her natural life. But that's not a plan. That's a first reaction to an upsetting event, and overreacting to the reaction will just add to the upset.

Deep breaths and patience are often a good move.

Maybe Australia and NZ?

I sense that there are differences in backgrounds and culture with you and your husband. You already left your parents to go with your husband and now unless you go with him, you will lose him. I know you most likely love him and don't want your marriage to go away. However, in life, sometimes there are situations that cannot be "right" for both parties - nothing is going to work. Only you can decide what to do. I would seriously think about looking after YOU instead of worrying about him. Analyze the plus and minus factors so you know what you are dealing with. I personally think it is time for you to look around and consider doing what gives you the best options and opportunities in life and which will bring you some peace in the long run, not just for the moment. Good luck.

And here is something else to think about. Let's say his mother passes and you are still married. What will happen to you if something happens to you? Will he stand by you or will he abandon you? I don't like what I am thinking. See my other comment for this situation.

Not sure how old you or your DH are, what country or culture DH has grown up in, how long you've been married, how long you have been living outside the US or how long ago she had a stroke so I am kind or wandering around in the dark on this problem. If the stroke is fairly recent, he is probably panicked (who wouldn't be) and this is a knee jerk reaction as has been mentioned. If this is the case, it might be wiser to hold your counsel and be supportive... from where you are!
The problem I see with you moving with him is that you don't speak the native language and apparently can't work there. If you don't already have lot of friends and in- law relatives that you know and get along with... without a work environment you are going to be pretty isolated emotionally (that is assuming that DH has a job lined up because how will the two (should I say the three of you) live? And if you are not working, I can almost guarantee that you are going to be the one providing the skilled nursing care for MIL. I have a feeling that neither of you is quite aware of what goes into to caring for someone in MIL's condition - you both may be emotionally and physically unable to handle it. Having said that I should mention that most nursing and PT staff will tell you that you don't know how good the recovery is from a massive stroke for about 5-6 months. Maybe you should show him some of the posts from this forum or speak with a nurse about caring for a stroke victim. Could be an eye opener.

I would urge you to stay where you are living now but being supportive to DH and to MIL but I would personally think long and hard before moving to a place where I can't speak the language, have no friends or support system and no job.

Wishing you peace and grace on your journey

Family culture probably plays a huge roll in this - I am assuming. You made your choice about your parents and he views his duty to parent as taking care of her. It may also be that because of her critical health issue, he wants to be with her now before her time on earth is over. He has made his decision and it sounds like you have, too, since you said you aren't willing to move and he said he's going w/without you. Some are caregivers or feel the obligation and some aren't/don't.

Can you afford, on your own income, to stay where you are? If so, stay put and continue living your life without him. It may not be the best time to divorce, but if you must, you must.

I do have to ask...what if one/both of your parents were to become critically ill, or be in same position as his mom, would you return to the US to care for them? Or to be closer to see them before they pass? The answer to that may help you decide to support him now or to move on with your life without him.

Some confusion - you were from US. He lived in Europe, but not in the same county where his mother lives?

Imho, more information is needed before I can provide a suggestion, though it probably would be a bad decision for your husband to quit his job.

sorry to hear this, tough decision for sure. what is your hubby going to do for money while there? I am guessing he will be using his mothers funds for food, etc. Is he old enough to retire? if not, he might want to think before retiring too soon before the main age......there is a decline in the pay that will stay that way forever. Is there anyone else in the family that lives close by that can stay with her? It doesn't seem fair to ask you to move somehwere that you have no communication either due to language barrier, and why does he have to visit every day if in a nursing home? Why do you think you will lose your marriage, are you having issues now and you think this will make it worse? Maybe the time away will make you see things more clearly.........or maybe you can move back closer to your family to help with them. There are so many decisions, but you have to write down the pros and cons of you going with him, you staying behind, you moving back to the US, etc. Wishing you luck.

honey run like hell he don't care about you or how you fell about it he didn't even sit and talk it out with you. you move once don't do it again and please don't go live with mother in law if wasn't for this site i would still be at my mother in law i listen to every one here and give my husband an ultimatum he choose me his wife. so if he really love's you he would respect you enough to sit and discuss it but he don't you may have to walk away sometimes in life we have to make hard decision just to have peace and happiness. i lost my self helping my husband take care of his mom almost had a break down for 4 years. think hard good luck

and she's going to a nursing home she will be care for why he have to leave his job how long you been married