How to lovingly deal with a demanding husband who doesn't sleep at night and constantly calls me?

My father in law did this to my Mother in law. Difference being he'd had a stroke and couldn't do for himself. She would try so hard to make sure he had everything he needed right nearby when she would get him ready for bed. Drink at beside, a snack nearby, the urinal in reach and a blanket on and another folded at his good side. He would still wake her repeatedly all night long. We could see that she was running on empty and were afraid for her health and wellbeing. We told Dad if he couldn't at least do his part in letting her get some solid sleep nights that he would have to go into a home. After 3 years we finally convinced her to do just that. Guess what? Once he was in the nursing home he could sleep all night and take care of his own "needs". Maybe reinforcing to him the need for your own rest so you will be able to care for him and if not looking at Memory care for him. Amazing how that sometimes will hit the spot. Or even having someone spend the night a few nights a week so you can get some well earned shuteye.

What support are you currently getting with your husband's care?

I didn't want to lead with this because it sounds so glib and flippant, but I mean it seriously: he needs to be kept awake during the day, for a start. Have you had a look at day care centres or activity groups for people with dementia in your area?

When it's your husband and you're (quite rightly) treating him like your husband, not like a patient or a child, it's very difficult for you to set rules and establish structured routines; so the answer is to find allies who can.

I'd try that first and see; but it would also be sensible to look ahead and think about where you want to go next with your husband's care. Is or was the aim to care for him yourself at home throughout? Have you researched the options?

MargaretMcKen he was able to cope in the nursing home because he had no choice. The nurses made sure he was comfortable and everything was in reach and then turned out the lights and goodnight. No wife to jump to every time he yelled. Amazing as soon as he learned that they wouldn't jump for every little thing he would settle right down and sleep all night. Mom lived another 21 years of good health.

He won't stay on a routine because you haven't put him on one, and it's not working for either of you. You need sleep. Without sleep, everything else will be more difficult for you. Your husband's needs are only going to increase. You will burnout trying to meet his needs.

His doctor needs to get involved. And a sleep aid is actually what he needs. You may need one as well. Did you know you can die from a lack of sleep? Sleep aids don't hurt a patient with dementia, if anything they stave off the disease by allowing the person with it to have a better quality of life. Why would you take that away by not helping your husband, as well as yourself, get a good night's sleep? Keep us posted.

Indica edibles or smoke. Christy would sleep an hour or two and then keep me awake for the time to go back to sleep.
From 2011 to 2018 I would only get 4 total hours per night. Now, since we dialed in dose and frequency, she sleeps all night.
Canna edible delivered at 2 PM allows willing sleep at 8 PM and awake at 6 AM.
Some nights she awakens to go pee, but right back to sleep. Sometimes she will have a seizure in the night. There is no medication for FTD seizures. I used to have to hold her for an hour.
Canna delivered via her Cpap halts the seizure immediately. The side effects are giggles and sleep.

My DH with PD has vivid dreams, sometimes paces up and down the hallway at night. used to call out for me. I just lock my door and unless I hear something totally catastrophic, I don't respond. He has learned that he has to take care of his own business after I go to bed. It was hard at first, but after so many nights of lost, or interrupted sleep (which is just as debilitating) I had to find a solution. This has worked for me for that last 2 years, and he hasn't suffered, still sleeps all he wants at night and during the day, I get my much need 8 hours and am able to function and care for him as I need to. Just say NO is all I can offer. It works for me

Wow, sounds like my situation. Check with his doctor, he should be able to take melatonin to help him sleep. Doctor can prescribe higher disease than available OTC.
I take a low dose, helps me sleep better, all natural and not habit forming.

Need, I know this almost impossible in a home setting but you have to wake her up *for* something. She can't concentrate on a tv program, partly because she's exhausted, 'cos she's been awake all night 🙄, and she can't read or amuse herself. So - taking her out for a walk. Active conversation. Craft activities in a group. Singing. Chair-based exercise. Visits from pre-schoolers. Visits by minibus to garden centres. The sky's the limit in some settings.

In a well-run facility, and I realise there are nothing like enough of them, the schedule keeps seniors on the move in an enjoyable way from eight in the morning until they're ready for bed. But they also have teams of staff, whereas you have a team of you.

You don't have any day centres or anything like it near you?

That sounds like grandma. She now yells like she's used to do only when she's fallen. Now she does it for everything. Mostly it's to let me know she's hungry.

I tried melantonin. It seemed to work for a while. It doesn't seem to help anymore.

I use earplugs.