How to keep mom from trying to elope care home during sundowner episodes?

Maybe let her help with meal prep or setting table for other residents. Have them explain that there is a big dinner that they need her help for and that she must have forgotten that she was invited and responded "yes" to invitation. It's a little bit of a fib but every dinner is a "big dinner" when it's more than 2 people. She has been invited to have dinner every night since she is a resident. If she is involved in the preparation, it might get her through this confusing time of day.

Have they tried letting her help prepare dinner at the care home? Perhaps she could help do prep work or make salads and be told that she is eating here tonight and her husband has a dinner meeting and won't be eating at home tonight.

I think that having a "job" is so helpful when they are compulsively focused on doing something, give them something to do.

I echo what Isthisrealyreal has said. Have them give her a task to do.
While she may not be allowed in the kitchen (depending on health department regulations) they could have her set the table, do some early prepping like scrubbing potatoes, peeling potatoes, measuring some ingredients.

Is there anywhere your father would have eaten without your mom? Would he go out with the guys or have work dinners? At this point, it seems that calming her is more important than reorienting her so I would find a plausible scenario of why he’s not eating at home tonight (every night).

Sounds like the care home is doing the right things. What your poor mom is going through is reality in her mind. You can’t change it. You just have to keep her safe and do it again the next day. One day she will decline and stop doing this behavior and then you will miss it.

Sundowners is the worst. What I found was that when it starts (or even before hand) turn on bright or brighter lights in her room. Ask the ALF caregivers if when they do their check on her they make sure the lights are on. They don't have to discuss this with her just do it. Mom would be at her worst on cloudy, darker days, or at Sun Down. The lights helped, but mostly just talking with her letting her express herself and when possible just sitting with her a while helped too.

Good luck, this is something that will not really just "go away" and adjusting or different meds did not actually change the events.

My mom had this and I found some technology equipment that helped me with her. I had an alarm for her bed or wherever she sat. I also had an alarm that attached to her clothes to her walk or seat. She was prone to falls and this is the only way I could keep up with her without being with her continually. We had to put a bell (for business doors) on the door so we knew when she was coming out of her room. Check out Assistive Technology Services https://www.assistivetechnologyservices.com/
this is where I bought most of my equipment.

If she was living in a locked memory care home you would not need to worry. If not she could sneak out at anytime and it would be a terrible danger. She will continue to try and leave. This is the world she lives in now.

Your mother's words & behaviors are very common with dementia/ALZ. What's not so common is for a care giver in a care home to take a resident out for a ride in the car...........? I've never heard of such a thing and I've been involved with quite a few ALFs over the years.

If your mother is not in a locked down Memory Care facility and has access to getting out of there, that's a problem that needs to be fixed immediately. If she's already in a locked down facility, then she cannot get out and 'go home', so you have nothing to worry about. If you feel that her anxiety is too high at this point, her doctor may be able to prescribe a stronger sedative to keep her calmer. But even so, the 'wanting to go home' scenario is very common with dementia. You may try getting her a baby doll with a blanket to swaddle it in; many, many times, caring for a baby gives the resident something useful to focus on and takes away the anxiety of wanting to go home to fix her husband dinner. She'll have another important duty to be involved with instead, you know?

Best of luck!

Naia, this sounds just like my dad except he was looking for his car. Sadly this went on with dad from day one of assisted living And lasted for about 2 years.

He was spry too like you’re mom. He’d just pop up and head out quick as a bunny.

There is no easy answer. Dad has just recently calmed down due to his dementia increasing and his mobility decreasing. He’s been in two facilities and they were both very good at redirecting but he was a tough case.

You mom may be ready for memory care that is locked down. Sounds horrible but she’s gotta be safe.

My dad was fine in memory care. He wander to one door, take about an hour to meander to the other end, chat with other residents and aides then go try again.

He had no short term memory at this point but driving, well that’s long term, something he did for 70 years.