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My father has not changed clothes in five weeks and smells terrible. He refuses to drink water. He doesn't recognize his reflection, "sees" animals, and babies come out of people's feet. He will say he wants food, and when I prepare what he wants, he refuses to eat it. He drinks 1 case of ensure a week. Now, he won't drink off of one at a time.


He refuses to see a doctor. He kept me awake all night running through the house. He used the bathroom in the kitchen trash can. He can't find the bathroom in the house where he has lived 50+ years. He is very contrary. I told him he would argue with me over if I said the sky was blue, and he said it wasn't. We had in home help 5 hours a day; he hit her three separate times and she quit. Now that establishment will not send anyone to help. He got out of the house one morning when I was asleep, and then when the caretaker was using the restroom. We called one home today, and they want close to $500 a day to care for him. His conversations are mostly random things; sometimes he makes sense. He is aggressive. I cannot do this alone and my dad's wife has turned my own family against me. I don't know what to do. She has been non compliant and has major health issues. When she's in the hospital, I cannot take a shower or sit on the porch. I have had 11 days this summer where I wasn't under severe stress. My dad has declined significantly since last year, and even in the past two months. I have only one friend left that hasn't bailed on me. My heart is broken. What am I going to do to find a place that will keep him? He needs 24 hour care.

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Village, ugh how stressful for you. The first thing to consider is what can you do legally? Are you his durable PoA? If so you may need to apply for Medicaid for him for Memory Care. If not his PoA, then whoever wants to manage his care will need to pursue guardianship through the courts. This is costly and time consuming. The only other option is to do what is inelegantly called an ER dump. The next time he takes a swing at anyone or is saying threatening things, call 911. If he is removed from the home he will be taken to the ER. Do not go with him. When the hospital calls to come get him do not go (and call people to make sure no one goes to get him). The hospital will be very persistent and aggressive in hounding you to take him back but you must tell them he is an "unsafe discharge" and you cannot care for him any longer. Just keep saying those exact words and don't go get him. The hospital social worker will start the process of finding facility placement for him and the county will pursue guardianship. I wish you all the best in finding a solution.
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He's only 51 with all of these issues? That really puts things in perspective regarding againg. You're going to need to ER dump him. Call the police if he's acting violent again, that'll get things moving in the right direction.
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OP has messaged that his father is 82, and he is 51.
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