Fifteen years ago my dad was involved with a huge money scam in which he lost approximately $4 million. The scam went on for 10 years. The scammers were impersonating different people. Some of the suspects were caught, however, he never recouped any of his 4 million. My mom warned him that it was all a scam. She begged him to stop but all he did was yell at her and tell her that she didn't know anything. Over the course of seven years, he mortgaged their home twice, mortgaged their 4,000 sq, ft. commercial office building, and cashed out all of his retirement savings in addition to selling his cemetery plot! After he gave them all of their money and had none left, he resorted to asking to borrow money from his employees, business community leaders, family, etc. My Mom got wise and opened up a separate savings account because they were headed toward losing everything. his employees for money. He would at times wire 50K to these people. He now lives on his social security and has five years left of payments he is receiving from the sale of his business to his son. If it hadn't been for my Mom they would be homeless. My Mom lost all respect for him due to his greed and cruelty toward her. Fast forward 10 years and I received a text from my Dad that was intended for someone else. That is how I found out he was having cyber sex with three different women, who I believe are one and the same. I confronted him and told him these people were probably men from Nigeria posing as women. He is involved with three different gold scams, two being inheritance scams involving gold bars. He has sent them gift cards and wired money to them because they have no money until they can get the gold out of the country of Mali. He has been trying to get her out of the country for 8 months. The latest story is that she was beaten and robbed, stealing the purse that had the $5,200 for her safe passage to Belgium. The stories are so far-fetched it's ridiculous. I have even shown him the exact same scam that happened to someone else but he still continues to send them money. He has even given them all of his personal information including his tax info containing his social security numbers. I told him with that info, they could sell his house right out from under him. His info will be resold and resold on the dark web. He has taken out so many cash advances that he is $39K in credit card debt. I wish I could prove to him they are fake. I even did a reverse google image and the pic he has does not match two of the women. He is living in a fantasy world and I don't know how to get him out of it. He is 85 years old. My Mom found out two years ago that he has been doing this. She still hopes he will one day stop. He is actively involved in his church and is quite good friends with the priest. How he can go to church and come home and do his phone sex with these whoever they are is beyond me. He tells (texts them everything. They send videos and pics of each other that my Mom has seen on his phone. He gets sloppy and leaves his phone unattended and she looks to see what he writes to them. It's utterly disgusting the things he writes to them. How can I convince him that these people are a bunch of scammers that make up stories to steal his money?
In the meantime, don't ask a priest for advice in such matters b/c 'praying' for a miracle hasn't worked so far and isn't likely TO work in this case. This is why medication is available and doctors have long waiting lists: because once a spouse becomes THIS insane and aggressive to boot, it's time to ditch the priest as a counselor and hire a psychiatrist, a neurologist and a divorce attorney. Before your mother is totally destitute and/or in the hospital b/c she's touched his precious phone once too often and riled him up to where he's beaten her senseless.
Your father is a very sick man and needs a lot of medical attention, and for someone to get guardianship over him before he wreaks even MORE havoc & chaos than he already has. Take the 'religion' OUT of this equation entirely now and see this for what it is: a very sick man who's been allowed to wreak havoc for 2 decades already and who needs to be stopped NOW.
Jesus’ own comments on divorce (once again using Jewish law for a male right) came at a time when divorcing a wife usually meant her destitution or prostitution. It was intended to protect women, not to ‘enslave’ them.
Does your mother (and the rest of us) really need to live under the rules of communities that we would now consider totally outdated? We now care about women’s rights and we have a pension system as well as employment options.
Scam half (or more) of his funds into your Mom's name.
Leave the bills in his name.
Would Mom agree to an emergency *Go Plan*? A phone paid for, a bah packed, a safe place to go stay & the means to get there (drive/taxi) in an emergency?
A safety plan is sometimes needed if there is a risk of physical agression. When dealing with the very unreasonable - mentally ill or those with dementia/cognitive impairments.
By the way, IS there any vascular dementia or other cog impairment here?
And if i was mom his phone would accidentally find itself soaking wet and ruined in short order.
As his daughter I would find it hard to want a relationship with a father who has created such financial and emotional destruction over a considerable amount of time. Ask yourself if he has ever been known to exhibit any nurturing behavior.
People can overcome addictions but they have to want to. He doesn't seem so inclined. He has created such heartache. How much longer do you want to live with this?
leave the house without saying a word to her but if she takes off without a word to him, he wants to know where she went to and usually starts out his text to her with. “I know you hate me” but can you at least let me know where you are going. I believe he doesn’t care he just wants to see how much time has to do his crap before she gets back home.
Your main concern should be your mother, and protecting what's left of the assets by making them inaccessible to dad.
Has your dad had a workup by a neuropsychologist for dementia? Not a quick test that they do at the GPs office. Real, 3 hour pencil and paper testing that looks at cognitive abilities, judgement and planning, among other things.