How to handle my mom (95) with mid stage dementia that won’t leave her doll baby home when going to appointments?

No offense, but do you have any idea how many of us would give anything for THIS to be the problem we are coping with (in exchange for those we are? ) YOU found something that works. What's the worst that can happen? Some little kid asks a question or laughs? Heck, I'd get her a stroller to put the baby in if it helped! And Way so much better than meds!

Let her take her baby. There's no reason to make her leave it behind if it makes her feel better.

There was the sweetest lady at my mom's MC who always had her doll with her. We had many conversations about about the worries "these children" bring to us mamas. She died of Covid last July -- I miss her and her babies terribly.

I had an answer typed about my furbaby who had to be euthanized and when i flew to see my mom in FLA i would tke her urn every time....the typing disappeared so this is much shorter.......please dont deny your mom her baby doll....a lot of older women who have alz/dem have them and it brings them a little joy, and responsibility, in their minds. Get on her level of reality.....it may help you to understand your mom more...bring her some doll nighties, a little bottle, booties, a little blanket, not all at one time though.....and it will help your heart to see joy in your moms eyes.....
take things one day at a time, thats all any of us has....relax and enjoy the time spent with her.....love and hugs for you. 😊💓
PS....When im old and have the need for a “baby”, trust me, it will be an animal....lol...my room would probably look like noah’s ark....hope i made you smile at that mental pic..

Why would she go to dr appointments? Have a home dr visit appointment. Hugs 🤗

Let her take her baby.

A doll baby is a MUCH BETTER choice of a therapy animal. My therapist shared her office with a psychologist who treated children. One of them had a 'service rooster' and it was beyond disconcerting to be sitting in the office, trying to gather my thoughts with that dang rooster crashing around in the next door office.

Just let her take the baby doll. Who even CARES? My mom would take her 4' stuffed orange rabbit if she could.

Let the doll accompany her to appointments and anywhere else. It’s not hurting anything and brings her contentment

I would also buy the doll clothes. That way Mom can keep busy changing her. Have a blanket and a bottle. I see where this may be embarrassing for you. You have to look passed it and go with what works. This won't be the only time you will be embarrassed.

When my Mom was placed in an AL the RN was married to a former guy I dated from work back in myc20s. I told the RN I had worked with him. He told her we dated. The RN said to my Mom, "Do you know ur daughter dated my husband" Mom suffered from Dementia and said "she got around". That was far from the truth. Another time we took her to the diner for dinner. She was given one of those metal things with hot water in it for her tea. She looked like she was going to pour the hot water into the mug with the teabag and within a blink of an eye she turned the pot upside down, hot water all over.

I totally agree with everyone else. Let her take the doll. That’s her baby!

Her doctor knows that she has cognitive decline so no one is going to judge her. No one else’s opinion really matters.

Make it easy for your mom and you by allowing her to have her baby with her.

Let her take the doll, especially if it calms your mother and makes the visit easier. A doll might be easier to deal with than an elder who is upset, frantic, and inconsolable.

Yes, you will definitely worsen the situation by hiding your mother's doll and telling her the 'baby's mom has taken her back home and is no longer in the house.' You'd REALLY upset her if you did that, certainly. It's time for YOU to enter HER reality now, and accept the fact that she is suffering from dementia. It's okay for her to love her doll and consider it her baby, and to go with her on outings, much like a small child brings her doll along wherever she goes. Consider your mother a small child as well, and then her actions won't seem quite so outlandish to you anymore. She's entered a new phase of life now, so go with it rather than fight it. Dementia & Alzheimer's is everywhere these days, unfortunately, so people aren't shocked by seeing elderly women carrying dolls around. And if they are, who gives a rat's arse anyway? :)

Your best bet would be to educate yourself about dementia by reading everything you possibly can on the subject. Watch Teepa Snow videos on YouTube as well; she has some remarkable ideas about how to handle people with dementia in the most comforting manner using the "Hand under hand" technique with dressing, bathing and assisting in general. The more you learn, the less agitated & combative your mother will be.

Wishing you the best of luck learning & coping with all the new changes you both face. My mother is 94 with dementia as well, and it's tough for me to watch her going down this path. It's hard to watch someone you love change & morph to THIS degree, before your very eyes, isn't it? You kind of want to shake her and say COME ON NOW MOM, snap OUT OF it, but you can't. It's the hardest thing I've yet to witness in my 63 years on earth. Sending you a hug of understanding, my friend.

Carrying a baby doll around and loving on it is very common with folks suffering with mental decline. Who is she hurting by bringing it with her, wherever she goes? I'm guessing you are just embarrassed by it, but really if your mom wants to bring it, you're just going to have to get over your own feelings about it and let her enjoy her baby. This is one fight that is not worth fighting.

Sorry, am I being thick? - why can't mother take the baby doll with her to these appointments?

My Mom didn't have anxiety until the very end of her journey. I remember in her early stages say "Look, that lady is carrying a doll".

Dementia patients using dolls or stuffed animals to help with anxiety is common now. Let Mom take her doll. It will help her get thru the appt. Someone suffering from a Dementia does well in familiar surroundings taking them out of that, like a Drs office, will be overwhelming and bring on the anxiety. I am for whatever works.

Why in the world should she have to leave "baby" at home?

Come on. For Christ's sake let your 95 year old mother with dementia take the doll with her.
Problem solved. The doctor and his staff will totally understand why she has it.
Don't take it away from her if it makes her happy. And yes, your situation will definitely get worse if you hide her doll. If she's so out of it with dementia that she carries around a doll and believes it's her baby, then she certainly will not understand if you tell her the mother of the "baby" came and took her.
If she's getting combative about not being allowed to leave the apartment on her own to look for her kids, then it might be a good idea to talk with the doctor about getting her some anti-anxiety meds or sedation. Don't take her doll away though. That's harsh and unnecessary cruelty.
If it bothers you when she takes it to the doctor, pull a bit of a ruse on her. Get a family member or friend that your mom still recognizes and have them come to her place when she has an appointment. Tell her they are going to "baby-sit" while she goes to the doctor. It's a win-win. The doll gets left at home which is what you want. Mom doesn't completely freak out because she still believes she has a baby, and that she's leaving her "baby" with a person she trusts to watch it when she goes to the doctor.

Part of dementia care is putting yourself into their reality. I'll never forget the the horror on the face of a woman with dementia when a psw took the doll from the woman's arms and casually dropped her on the next table, in that woman's mind this was her baby, not a toy. Even those women who were a little more grounded in reality or less attached to their dolls did not appreciate having them treated as mere objects that could be discarded on a whim, the more compassionate staff put the babies down for a nap or sent them to the babysitter.

Doll baby GOES, as mom’s therapist, companion, and honored guest.

Please, for your mother’s sake and for yours, give up worrying about “how it looks” to offer someone with dementia/anxiety SOMETHING that gives her peace and comfort.

How fortunate you are that she has this. If you are REALLY FORTUNATE, she’ll be able to FIND comfort in this way for a while before it’s present purpose fails her.

”Handle situations” if you feel you must, by saying “Mom, let me hold her while you have your blood pressure taken”.

And PLEASE don’t try to mess around with depriving her of this. It COULD increase her distress. Why even consider doing that?

Honestly if it eases her anxiety and makes her less combative I see absolutely nothing wrong with letting her take it. I know she isn't a child but emotionally and mentally in a lot of ways she is like one. And we let children take lovies to doctor's appointments for comfort and to ease their fears. There is also a growing population of adults who use emotional support service animals for anxiety. So if it makes your life easier and eases her anxiety I wouldn't think twice about letting her take it everywhere. You pick your battles and unless I'm missing a big part of the picture, I don't think that is one on which you really want to draw a line in the sand!

Why is bringing the doll along a problem? It gives your mom comfort.

I think this is very common. A church friend even collects baby dolls for a local NH. The administration and nurses are thrilled to receive them for the residents. I know it can feel embarrassing, but it appears common with many individuals.

I was surprised at the # of ladies at my moms NH who had a baby doll who accompanied them 24/7. The medical director at my moms NH would even stethoscope one lady’s doll. If it lessens her anxiety so be it & let her take it. Maybe tell her that you arranged for a joint medical appointment for her & the baby.

I’m guessing that your mom has false beliefs fixated that she runs a child care place or has young kids or that you just had a baby. It will eventually pass or get to the point they forget about it for days. Their dementia places them in an alternative solar system..... my take is as
long as it’s not placing them into something unsafe, let it roll.

My mom thought there were & worried about “orphan gypsy children living in top floor of her NH”...... why? well that NH was nearby a college so from her window she could see kids with tats & earrings (gypsies!) & they would disappear around the corner where the NH entrance was; they never went to the cafeteria & she worried if they were getting meals. They had to be orphans as they never were with parents. I’m so glad I kept a journal as looking back now that she’s dead, it’s quite a good & funny read.