How to handle my mom (95) with mid stage dementia that won’t leave her doll baby home when going to appointments?

Doll baby GOES, as mom’s therapist, companion, and honored guest.

Please, for your mother’s sake and for yours, give up worrying about “how it looks” to offer someone with dementia/anxiety SOMETHING that gives her peace and comfort.

How fortunate you are that she has this. If you are REALLY FORTUNATE, she’ll be able to FIND comfort in this way for a while before it’s present purpose fails her.

”Handle situations” if you feel you must, by saying “Mom, let me hold her while you have your blood pressure taken”.

And PLEASE don’t try to mess around with depriving her of this. It COULD increase her distress. Why even consider doing that?

Let the doll accompany her to appointments and anywhere else. It’s not hurting anything and brings her contentment

Honestly if it eases her anxiety and makes her less combative I see absolutely nothing wrong with letting her take it. I know she isn't a child but emotionally and mentally in a lot of ways she is like one. And we let children take lovies to doctor's appointments for comfort and to ease their fears. There is also a growing population of adults who use emotional support service animals for anxiety. So if it makes your life easier and eases her anxiety I wouldn't think twice about letting her take it everywhere. You pick your battles and unless I'm missing a big part of the picture, I don't think that is one on which you really want to draw a line in the sand!

I was surprised at the # of ladies at my moms NH who had a baby doll who accompanied them 24/7. The medical director at my moms NH would even stethoscope one lady’s doll. If it lessens her anxiety so be it & let her take it. Maybe tell her that you arranged for a joint medical appointment for her & the baby.

I’m guessing that your mom has false beliefs fixated that she runs a child care place or has young kids or that you just had a baby. It will eventually pass or get to the point they forget about it for days. Their dementia places them in an alternative solar system..... my take is as
long as it’s not placing them into something unsafe, let it roll.

My mom thought there were & worried about “orphan gypsy children living in top floor of her NH”...... why? well that NH was nearby a college so from her window she could see kids with tats & earrings (gypsies!) & they would disappear around the corner where the NH entrance was; they never went to the cafeteria & she worried if they were getting meals. They had to be orphans as they never were with parents. I’m so glad I kept a journal as looking back now that she’s dead, it’s quite a good & funny read.

Part of dementia care is putting yourself into their reality. I'll never forget the the horror on the face of a woman with dementia when a psw took the doll from the woman's arms and casually dropped her on the next table, in that woman's mind this was her baby, not a toy. Even those women who were a little more grounded in reality or less attached to their dolls did not appreciate having them treated as mere objects that could be discarded on a whim, the more compassionate staff put the babies down for a nap or sent them to the babysitter.

Yes, you will definitely worsen the situation by hiding your mother's doll and telling her the 'baby's mom has taken her back home and is no longer in the house.' You'd REALLY upset her if you did that, certainly. It's time for YOU to enter HER reality now, and accept the fact that she is suffering from dementia. It's okay for her to love her doll and consider it her baby, and to go with her on outings, much like a small child brings her doll along wherever she goes. Consider your mother a small child as well, and then her actions won't seem quite so outlandish to you anymore. She's entered a new phase of life now, so go with it rather than fight it. Dementia & Alzheimer's is everywhere these days, unfortunately, so people aren't shocked by seeing elderly women carrying dolls around. And if they are, who gives a rat's arse anyway? :)

Your best bet would be to educate yourself about dementia by reading everything you possibly can on the subject. Watch Teepa Snow videos on YouTube as well; she has some remarkable ideas about how to handle people with dementia in the most comforting manner using the "Hand under hand" technique with dressing, bathing and assisting in general. The more you learn, the less agitated & combative your mother will be.

Wishing you the best of luck learning & coping with all the new changes you both face. My mother is 94 with dementia as well, and it's tough for me to watch her going down this path. It's hard to watch someone you love change & morph to THIS degree, before your very eyes, isn't it? You kind of want to shake her and say COME ON NOW MOM, snap OUT OF it, but you can't. It's the hardest thing I've yet to witness in my 63 years on earth. Sending you a hug of understanding, my friend.

Let her take the doll, especially if it calms your mother and makes the visit easier. A doll might be easier to deal with than an elder who is upset, frantic, and inconsolable.

I totally agree with everyone else. Let her take the doll. That’s her baby!

Her doctor knows that she has cognitive decline so no one is going to judge her. No one else’s opinion really matters.

Make it easy for your mom and you by allowing her to have her baby with her.

A doll baby is a MUCH BETTER choice of a therapy animal. My therapist shared her office with a psychologist who treated children. One of them had a 'service rooster' and it was beyond disconcerting to be sitting in the office, trying to gather my thoughts with that dang rooster crashing around in the next door office.

Just let her take the baby doll. Who even CARES? My mom would take her 4' stuffed orange rabbit if she could.

Let her take her baby.