Guess the good news is that some (many?) new vehicles are fit now to tell us on our cell phones exactly where they are!!!!
See article in the current AARP issue magazine for Dec/Jan, page 10, titled "Phone, where's my car" to tell you about available apps. There are some for both android and for iphone.
Go online and type in the same statement: "Phone, where's my Car" and you can read all about all the available apps online.
Nobody with dementia should be driving at ALL, nevermind buying a new car!
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet to learn all about dementia. Lots of Do's and Don't tips for dealing with dementia sufferers are suggested in the booklet, including a section about driving.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia.
The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
I will admit that sometimes I have walked down the wrong aisle looking for my care, especially if I leave through a different door than the one I entered into the store or mall. But I am never off by much. If your husband can not find his car then he should not be driving. If your husband has been diagnosed with dementia AND it is a confirmed diagnosis and it is in his medical records he should NOT be driving...period..end of discussion. If he were in an accident does not matter if he caused it or not if it is discovered..and it would be..that he has dementia there is a good chance that he (read you as well) would be sued and most likely you would lose everything. I say you would probably be sued as well since you knowingly allowed him to drive after getting a diagnosis of dementia. I am guessing that YOU will be getting a new car and he will be driving it. The reason I say that is because with dementia he really, legally can not enter into a contract.
Please get him off the road. He shouldn’t be driving.
Dementia isn’t only memory loss. It’s inability to judge distances, or having to think about what STOP means, or if you have to turn right at the corner to get to the drugstore but you don’t remember the word drugstore at the moment or what a Walgreens means. A dementia patient faces these things every day and you will have no idea what is in his head until someone calls and tells you his car is parked in their driveway and your husband, who doesn’t know them, is acting confused. (This happened in my community several months ago.)
Never underestimate dementia. I’m sure you wish to go on as if husband is fine and only has a little memory issue. But you can’t. Your life is different now.
Someone with dementia should not be driving. He is a danger to himself and others. This is not fair to innocent pedestrians and other drivers. How do you KNOW he "Still drives safely independently?" How do you KNOW he can judge distance, stop properly, or react quickly? He is apparently alone driving, so nobody KNOWS he is driving safely (or not)....until a tragedy happens. This is not good.
From the OPs profile: I am caring for my husband Steve, who is 71 years old, living at home with alzheimer's / dementia, anxiety, depression, diabetes, hearing loss, incontinence, mobility problems, and stroke.
OMG!!! PLEASE for the love of God don't continue letting your husband who has a broken brain get behind the wheel of any vehicle. Do you not realize how very dangerous that is not only for him but also all the innocent people who will be on the road with him? And God forbid he hits and kills someone. Do you not realize that if the courts find out that he's been diagnosed with dementia and you let him continue to drive that you both could lose everything you own in a major lawsuit? Is it really worth taking that kind of chance? Almost nothing gets me as fired up as when a person continues to let their loved one drive when they have dementia. It so very irresponsible! I do hope that you will rethink this nonsense and do what's best for all the innocent people on the roadways.
Good Grief, this man should not be driving, what are you thinking?
I was recently in an accident, not my fault, yet the insurance company had my doctor confirm that I was of sound mind and he tested my reflexes, everything was Aok. I am 76 and I don't blame them.
If your husband has an accident that is his fault you could lose everything.
I think u may need to put the new vehicle on hold. As everyone says, if he can't remember where he put the car, he should not be driving. Next thing, he is going to forget how to get home. As lea said, might want to put the car on hold. If your worried about finances you may not need the payment. If ur husband has always made the financial decisions, his Dementia is going to keep him from still doing it. Its going to be up to you to handle the money.
If by some miracle the husband is “still driving safely,” I am willing to bet that a great deal of that is down to “muscle memory.” Put him in a new vehicle in which the controls are a bit different, and his response times will be off by enough to put an end to whatever “safe” driving ability he has left.
It sounds like OP's husband shouldn't be driving, especially a new and unfamiliar vehicle! Could he possibly be persuaded of that? My husband, now 94, stopped driving his manual-shift SUV of his own volition about 4 years ago primarily due to vision and knee problems. He had stopped driving at night at least 5 years before that. The OP's spouse is much younger but apparently has several serious health issues. Depending on his level of mental acuity, he might be convinced to stop driving if made aware of the potential for FINANCIAL RUIN if found at fault in an accident. Could be worth a try. . .
I've temporarily spaced out where I parked in a crowded parking lot (that even happened on rare occasion 30 years ago when I was 56), but I've learned to pay closer attention when I park. It hasn't happened recently.
Please dont let your husband drive, what you think is safe isnt. My husband took our daughter’s car over 200 miles into another state, crashed & totaled it. State police had been following him & were getting ready to pull him over for a DUI. He wasnt hurt, and it was discovered he also had a UTI. He had no idea where he was, what really happened & didnt recognize me. It required hiring a lawyer in OR, 2 court appearances & a fine. He had been driving up to that time, but I didnt ride with him. That was the last time he drove; he wasnt happy about it but thats the way it had to be. I’m thankful that he didnt hurt or kill anyone
I’m not suggesting this for your husband, who probably shouldn’t be driving at all, but for the other posters who have the same problem. I have a small white car, and so do about 50% of other women drivers (or so it seems). I have stick-on ‘sunseals’ at the top of my front and rear windscreens, which I can see from a distance. One is a mandala, the other is a blue wren. I call them my ‘ageing hippy stickers’. They do help!
Good idea Margaret , I have a popular small suv and I swear every other one is the same color as mine . I’ve been parked next to one that looks identical to mine more than once when I came out of a store . I think I may put a ribbon on my roof rack .
I wholeheartedly agree with JoAnn. My husband’s grandfather drove his car when he should not have been driving. He would get lost and couldn’t find his way back home.
Getting lost is bad enough but having an accident is far worse.
Driving for a person who has dementia is a bad idea all around.
Your husband has dementia and isn’t thinking rationally. My question to you is, ‘What is your excuse for considering that he should buy a new car to drive?’
Do yourself, your husband and all other drivers that will be sharing the same roads with him a favor and come up with excuses not to buy a new car.
I have been hit by an elderly driver who had dementia. She caused a lot of damage to my car. The truly sad part is that this person’s daughter allowed her mom to drive her child to preschool.
I was the unfortunate person sharing a parking lot with this woman as I was dropping off my child at preschool.
She tried to hit and run. She tried lying to the police who made out the report. She got furious and yelled at me because she said that I was keeping her from her stuffed peppers that she left baking in the oven! She yelled at the cop.
It wasn’t a great day for me or the woman who was driving the other car. I’m quite sure that her daughter was sorry that she allowed her mom to drive.
I found out that after the accident her daughter didn’t allow her mother to drive her child to preschool any longer. Her daughter’s insurance did pay for the repairs to my badly damaged car.
"He still drives safely independently"... until he doesn't.
My uncle with dementia should have had his license and car retired but his children didn't do it and one random day he ran a red light and got T-boned on the passenger side, killing his wife of 60+ years (and a 2x cancer survivor). The innocent victims in the other vehicle were thankfully not seriously injured.
Also, my friend's Mom in California (who "still drove safely independently") got lost on the way to the vet to retrieve her daughter's dog (a familiar route) and got lost for 14 hours... she didn't even think to stop and call the police. Just kept driving and frantically talking to her daughter on the phone who was in Central America.
Please please do what you know is right and stop him from driving immediately. It may feel hard at first but then it will get better once he accepts it (and you stay firm).
Regarding getting a new vehicle (as in not previously owned): all new cars have way more technology in them. This alone will stymie him, and probably you as well.
Hi Carol, you absolutely have to be brave and take the keys. When I had to confront my Mom - who only had an MCI diagnosis at the time but was starting to get lost -I was so scared of her reaction I was literally shaking. But the bottom line is the same - you could be sued and lose everything if he has an official dementia diagnosis. Give his key to a family member or neighbor and make sure you keep your key out of his view. Today. Best of luck to you.
Do you have a son or another male family member you could ask to be present and back you up with taking away his keys and driving ?? Men can be very stubborn about giving up driving . My Dad was . So I asked my brother to come and take the keys away . The only thing I ever asked my brother to do . Man to man worked . I was there and couldn’t believe how easy it went.
Yes it will. I use mine when the lot gets full. It works great. Push key fob button, horn honks. I also used it when some teenagers decided to SIT on the car. Saw them through the window and remotely honked. A pleasure to watch them scatter!
My aunt drove "safely and independently " with dementia until she got lost and we couldn't FIND her for hours. The police got involved...it was the scariest thing to have to go through. Sometimes they post missing adult on those traffic things on the highway and it brings back memories. Take the keys away!
No. No. and No. A person with dementia is not safe to be driving a car. He could kill himself or others. If you allow this, you are responsible.
Getting a new vehicle???? I can't believe / I wonder if this post is real.
Get MD documentation re his dementia. Take to DMV. They will revoke his license.
If you do not do this, do you want him to potentially kill himself, you (if you are with him in the car) or others? Go to Teepa Snow's website or call her re dementia and driving concerns. _____________________________________________ How to Talk About the Need to Stop Driving When Dementia Is Involved Strategies for having that difficult conversation about driving with someone living with dementia. _____________________________________________ https://teepasnow.com/blog/how-to-talk-about-the-need-to-stop-driving-in-dementia-care/
This is very serious and you are - and need to act responsibly for everyone's safety.
Two people I know come to mind. They were both living and driving independently. Each only had “a touch of dementia.” (That seems to be what families often think. Deny, deny, deny.)
JW got in his car one night to go to work. He’d been retired for years. He drove around for a few days, his progress marked by toll road cameras and booths. He crashed his car in a city 50 miles from home and his family got a call in the middle of the night. He was okay and had minor damage to the car.
CR drove his car down the interstate and got off to find a rest room. He peed in a condo guard shack. They called his family to come and get him. He had no idea where he was or what he’d done wrong.
Either could have been dead or a victim of a serious crime.
My mom used to tie a big artificial flower to the top of her car so she could spot it easier when she would come out of the store. She has dementia now. I sometimes forget where I exactly parked, which row, especially if it's a huge lot.
Hello, I’m new on here. Something that helped our family when my dad started showing signs of impairment (no diagnosis yet) but was still driving……….. With prompting, his Dr. “prescribed, ordered” a driving test. This was done with someone specialized with older drivers & people with cognitive impairment of any type. He passed the first test & drove a while longer. However he had to take another test later & that helped make the decision. It wasn’t just us talking the keys from him like we had to do with mom with horrible results. It gave him dignity & a reason from a professional. He still had a hard time with it, but accepted it better. Again, this was right before a diagnosis. He seemed to be driving ok, but there were signs there that something wasn’t right. Better safe than sorry. Have a driving assessment with a senior instructor at the least. My dad also tried a newer car too. Even though with his own car he seemed “ok”, he was totally confused with the technology of the new car which distracted him from his driving. Hope that helps. It’s not an easy time & not what you were asking with your question, but something that’s time to look into for his safety.
See article in the current AARP issue magazine for Dec/Jan, page 10, titled "Phone, where's my car" to tell you about available apps. There are some for both android and for iphone.
Go online and type in the same statement: "Phone, where's my Car" and you can read all about all the available apps online.
Reading your profile and your worries about finances and caregiving, why are you buying a new car.
And should your husband with dementia, incontinence and memory loss still be driving?
Most parking lots have signage that you can note (aisle A row 3).
Or you can take a picture of the location of the car relative to the store.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet to learn all about dementia. Lots of Do's and Don't tips for dealing with dementia sufferers are suggested in the booklet, including a section about driving.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia.
The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
Best of luck.
If your husband can not find his car then he should not be driving.
If your husband has been diagnosed with dementia AND it is a confirmed diagnosis and it is in his medical records he should NOT be driving...period..end of discussion.
If he were in an accident does not matter if he caused it or not if it is discovered..and it would be..that he has dementia there is a good chance that he (read you as well) would be sued and most likely you would lose everything. I say you would probably be sued as well since you knowingly allowed him to drive after getting a diagnosis of dementia.
I am guessing that YOU will be getting a new car and he will be driving it. The reason I say that is because with dementia he really, legally can not enter into a contract.
Please do not allow him to drive.
Dementia isn’t only memory loss. It’s inability to judge distances, or having to think about what STOP means, or if you have to turn right at the corner to get to the drugstore but you don’t remember the word drugstore at the moment or what a Walgreens means. A dementia patient faces these things every day and you will have no idea what is in his head until someone calls and tells you his car is parked in their driveway and your husband, who doesn’t know them, is acting confused. (This happened in my community several months ago.)
Never underestimate dementia. I’m sure you wish to go on as if husband is fine and only has a little memory issue. But you can’t. Your life is different now.
Very sorry.
He is apparently alone driving, so nobody KNOWS he is driving safely (or not)....until a tragedy happens. This is not good.
From the OPs profile:
I am caring for my husband Steve, who is 71 years old, living at home with alzheimer's / dementia, anxiety, depression, diabetes, hearing loss, incontinence, mobility problems, and stroke.
And God forbid he hits and kills someone. Do you not realize that if the courts find out that he's been diagnosed with dementia and you let him continue to drive that you both could lose everything you own in a major lawsuit? Is it really worth taking that kind of chance?
Almost nothing gets me as fired up as when a person continues to let their loved one drive when they have dementia. It so very irresponsible!
I do hope that you will rethink this nonsense and do what's best for all the innocent people on the roadways.
I was recently in an accident, not my fault, yet the insurance company had my doctor confirm that I was of sound mind and he tested my reflexes, everything was Aok. I am 76 and I don't blame them.
If your husband has an accident that is his fault you could lose everything.
I've temporarily spaced out where I parked in a crowded parking lot (that even happened on rare occasion 30 years ago when I was 56), but I've learned to pay closer attention when I park. It hasn't happened recently.
I have a popular small suv and I swear every other one is the same color as mine . I’ve been parked next to one that looks identical to mine more than once when I came out of a store . I think I may put a ribbon on my roof rack .
Getting lost is bad enough but having an accident is far worse.
Driving for a person who has dementia is a bad idea all around.
Your husband has dementia and isn’t thinking rationally. My question to you is, ‘What is your excuse for considering that he should buy a new car to drive?’
Do yourself, your husband and all other drivers that will be sharing the same roads with him a favor and come up with excuses not to buy a new car.
I have been hit by an elderly driver who had dementia. She caused a lot of damage to my car. The truly sad part is that this person’s daughter allowed her mom to drive her child to preschool.
I was the unfortunate person sharing a parking lot with this woman as I was dropping off my child at preschool.
She tried to hit and run. She tried lying to the police who made out the report. She got furious and yelled at me because she said that I was keeping her from her stuffed peppers that she left baking in the oven! She yelled at the cop.
It wasn’t a great day for me or the woman who was driving the other car. I’m quite sure that her daughter was sorry that she allowed her mom to drive.
I found out that after the accident her daughter didn’t allow her mother to drive her child to preschool any longer. Her daughter’s insurance did pay for the repairs to my badly damaged car.
My uncle with dementia should have had his license and car retired but his children didn't do it and one random day he ran a red light and got T-boned on the passenger side, killing his wife of 60+ years (and a 2x cancer survivor). The innocent victims in the other vehicle were thankfully not seriously injured.
Also, my friend's Mom in California (who "still drove safely independently") got lost on the way to the vet to retrieve her daughter's dog (a familiar route) and got lost for 14 hours... she didn't even think to stop and call the police. Just kept driving and frantically talking to her daughter on the phone who was in Central America.
Please please do what you know is right and stop him from driving immediately. It may feel hard at first but then it will get better once he accepts it (and you stay firm).
Regarding getting a new vehicle (as in not previously owned): all new cars have way more technology in them. This alone will stymie him, and probably you as well.
Best of luck to you.
My dad couldn’t drive after his stroke and mom stopped driving after having seizures and receiving her Parkinson’s disease diagnosis.
My 100 year old cousin is still driving. She gets speeding tickets and tells off the cops!
Her children don’t live in the same state and they have given up on trying to get her to stop driving. She will be 101 in January.
We refer to her as the energizer bunny. I hope that she won’t cause a horrible accident one day.
Men can be very stubborn about giving up driving . My Dad was . So I asked my brother to come and take the keys away . The only thing I ever asked my brother to do . Man to man worked . I was there and couldn’t believe how easy it went.
Push key fob button, horn honks. I also used it when some teenagers decided to SIT on the car. Saw them through the window and remotely honked.
A pleasure to watch them scatter!
He could kill himself or others. If you allow this, you are responsible.
Getting a new vehicle???? I can't believe / I wonder if this post is real.
Get MD documentation re his dementia.
Take to DMV. They will revoke his license.
If you do not do this, do you want him to potentially kill himself, you (if you are with him in the car) or others? Go to Teepa Snow's website or call her re dementia and driving concerns.
_____________________________________________
How to Talk About the Need to Stop Driving When Dementia Is Involved
Strategies for having that difficult conversation about driving with someone living with dementia.
_____________________________________________
https://teepasnow.com/blog/how-to-talk-about-the-need-to-stop-driving-in-dementia-care/
This is very serious and you are - and need to act responsibly for everyone's safety.
Gena / Touch Matters
JW got in his car one night to go to work. He’d been retired for years. He drove around for a few days, his progress marked by toll road cameras and booths. He crashed his car in a city 50 miles from home and his family got a call in the middle of the night. He was okay and had minor damage to the car.
CR drove his car down the interstate and got off to find a rest room. He peed in a condo guard shack. They called his family to come and get him. He had no idea where he was or what he’d done wrong.
Either could have been dead or a victim of a serious crime.