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He has been going both pee and poop in his underwear. He has been very angry at us for putting him in memory care. He feels of course that he is fine.

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Don't supply him any underwear, only the disposable briefs. See where that goes.
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I will second what Geaton77 said. Take away all of his underwear and replace them with Depends. And please for God's sake, don't call them diapers, as that can be humiliating for some people. Just call them his new underwear. Best wishes.
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I sure understand both sides he dose not want to give up independence I was somewhat the same way but the other hand it would a lot easier on everyone.
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